Should I tell my parents about my addiction?

Depends on if you think they can help you. Some parents are supportive of these things and others may not give a dam. Hope they can help. If you decide to tell them maybe just explain what is going on with porn addiction all over the world. Let them see the bigger picture. This is a modern day problem that they may not understand straight away.

 

I think it is good if you can Hector. They love you and want to help you. If you didn't believe that, you would not even be considering it. Face-to-face accountability is very effective. We do not want to disappoint our parents. So, this will give you a powerful motivation to do your best.

 

I would recommend finding a good regular confessor and use him as an accountability person. I’m not saying you shouldn’t tell your parents, but to be prudent with the decision. Disclosing this kind of problem can sometimes be damaging to others —You know your parents, so if you think they are capable of taking this information in a good way then I don’t see a problem with disclosing it to your parents. I disclosed mine to my mother who was very taken back at first but later has become very understanding and supportive; however, this though didn’t make a difference in terms of accountability because what could my mother do to help me remain accountable? What does telling her about my falls help? What can she do more than tell me to get back up and continue on? I realized I’m better off having a regular confessor who can absolve me or retain my sin if he finds me being reckless or disingenuous with my amendments.

 

It might help but it might not. I used to think getting accountable was the answer to my problem but it wasn't. In my opinion, accountability is overrated. What has been more helpful has been practising self-compassion and mindfulness as well as figuring out what my values are, and coming across a good moral argument against using porn. Not saying accountability won't help, for some people it does but it's a mistake to think it definitely will help you.

 

I understand because I was an evangelical until my late 20s. To be honest I find a lot of what churches preach about porn and confession to be unhelpful. The confession of your sin to someone can go terribly wrong. In my last church, I told my pastor and a few weeks later he told everyone at a bible study that I look at porn. He didn't understand porn really, he seemed to think all I had to do was get married and the problem would go away. Not saying your Pastor would do that but I would encourage you to think critically about what pastors say. That doesn't mean everything they say is nonsense but we shouldn't just accept what they say as the truth.

 

The pastor is correct to a degree and he probably quoted the verse that we must confess our sins to each other —which is correct but do the scriptures really say that, that should be anyone we choose confess too? No.

We read after Christ died on the Cross and Resurrected that He breathed on His apostles and said “receive the Holy Spirit. Whose sins your forgive, they are forgiven and whose sins you retain, they are retained.” This is an important verse because it illustrates who we are to confess our sins too, namely, those who’ve been given the office of confessor; one who has the authority to forgive or retain.

Ask yourself, does your mother or father have the authority to forgive or retain your sins? Try asking a pastor if they have it. Every pastor and non-Catholic I’ve talked to will refuse to bestow on themselves the authority to retain my sins.

John 20:21–23 (RSVCE): Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I send you.” And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”

As the Father has sent Christ so Christ sends them. Notice He breathes on them, again this is a reference to Genesis when God breathed life into man. Christ here is forming His apostles into Himself, breathing His life and His authority to them to act in persona Christi (the person of Christ). This is why when you go to confession we acknowledge that Christ is the one who absolved us through His minister the priest. When you go to confession you’re not just going to some man who’s your brother in Christ, you’re going to Christ Himself who’s operating through the priest.

The other important part for going to a confessor and not family member, friend, etc is the Church also protects the penitent from the priest abusing the office of confessor. This is the purpose of the seal of confession and any priest who breaks the seal and makes public a penitents sins is automatically excommunicated and loses their faculty to validly hear confessions ever again. This is why priests have died in the past rather than break the seal of confession. This protection also illustrates that confessing one’s sins should only be done in a proper setting with safeguards in place; meaning one shouldn’t just go around confessing to whomever they want without prudence.

Another thing worth noting is when people use the verse from James about confessing one to another they take it out of context to make it sound like James is saying we can just confess to other believers; however, when you read the verses prior you see that the healing must must be done by an elder.

James 5:14–16 (RSVCE): Is any among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer of faith will save the sick man, and the Lord will raise him up; and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man has great power in its effects.

Notice how he’s talking about how the elders of the church have the ability to heal the sick and after stating this he says “therefore” as to say now that you are aware of who has the office of healer among you got to them! Sin is a sickness we need to be healed from and the sacrament of confession is where we get that healing.

 

That's good. I expect a Catholic Priest would be well trained to handle confessions than a protestant. Seems to me Catholics value confessions more than other Christians.

 

No need to tell your parents mate, this is your battle to fight and they unfortunately cannot protect you in this war, but luckily you are strong and you have the nofap army behind you! The only person’s forgiveness you need is your own, work on that and keep fighting, one day at a time

 

It takes a lot of courage to share something like this, and I commend you for being honest with yourself and wanting to make a change. It's understandable that you would want someone in your life to hold you accountable, but it's important to consider who that person should be.

It's up to you to decide who you feel comfortable talking to about this. If you have a good relationship with your mom or dad, and you feel like they would be understanding and supportive, then it could be a good idea to talk to them. However, it's also important to consider whether they are equipped to help you with this issue or if it might be better to seek professional help.

 

I would agree with some of the answers above. If they are supportive then you may, if they are not then do not.

But I really would suggest you to find someone else you can confess regularly to. Someone who can understand you, in your age or a bit older. One thing about recovery from addictions is to become vulnerable and to bond with companions. Not sure if your parents are the right choice for that. If you have a good relationship with them, they will appreciate your honesty and try to support you. But you should bond with people who know the battle.

 

My parents discovered I had watched porn in the past when looking at my search history. I was actually kinda relieved they found out, even though they were mad/disappointed that I didn't tell them initially. They forgave me and offered me support. It's probably even better to tell them you've been struggling. It made it easier for me to quit since I'm now fighting for my parents too by getting rid of the addiction.

 

Well, I sort of have a different opinion on this than the rest, pardon me. You should only tell them if you think they would actually help you. Honestly they won't be able to understand what you're going through (generation gap), you should rather tell it to someone you're age whom you trust a lot, it should obviously be someone who is either on nofap or is not addicted to PMO, basically someone who is successful in this area. If you don't find anyone of this sort you can try getting one of your friends into Nofap.
This comes from personal experience:
When I told my parents about my addiction they just told me: "Stop doing it, stop thinking about it." And it's not that I could go to parents every time I had an urge. I feel like there are some things that our parents can't help us with.

 

Im gonna agree totally!!!

As a father with kids your age - I think I’d honestly struggle to help my kids with a PMO addiction. I just don’t know how I’d handle it. But I like to think I can help guys on here even with that age gap. Some parents - me included - perhaps will love you too much to be objective in their support for something like this.

Someone outside who is going to support you without being emotional about it may be better.

So I’d say whether you tell them is all down to your relationship within them. But they may not be the right people to help.