THE SUPER SAIYAN CHALLENGE! What is your Power Level?! (RANKS ARE BACK, GET YOURS NOW!

Day 38 saiyans

One of the hardest parts thus far has been my sleep schedule. Yesterday I was feeling really tired after work and decided to nap, ended up sleeping till night, and now I feel like shit. Just when it feels like im making progress too. Got some powerful lust thoughts yesterday too, all because of sleep. Its really bad for training and recovery too, really gotta change this, I cant hope to be successful If I dont.

 

All the best brother..I hope you will the contest

 

Day 386
Listening to calm music

 

Day 7

 

Felt the urge last night to fap when I was getting in the shower. Scrolled search engine on my phone looking for keywords to dance around blockers but didn’t find any hits. Shower time at night after a long day is when a lot of urge arises for me to slip into fantasy and yolk one out. It was wild tho, literally as I was showering the water pressure dropped completely and water stopped all together right when I was on the brink of fapping. I guess the construction crew outside must have temporarily turned the water off to the building but it was enough to break the pattern. It felt like a sign from higher power. Anyway I waited a few minutes til it came back and did a quick cool rinse then went to bed

(悟) Low Class Warrior ▬ Training in the ► SUPER SAIYAN CHALLENGE ◄

 

Popping in here too because of the lack of traffic on the second super saiyan challenge.
Hit a big hump today, and I found this surfing for inspiration:

 

4 days free of PMO, day 5 in progress

 

Checking in Saiyan's!

4 Day's Free of PMO.

Keep Training!

Welcome ! This mindset reminds me a bit of David Goggins

 

It seems around a week is my wall for now.

Failed day 8. Day zero we go again.

 

Day 7, oh a new grades

 

Day 3!

 

Day 32!

 

Day 432!

 

Day 57

This might be a long post. Just now I'm coming to the clear realization that porn is junk sex, just like junk food. Having that clear thinking is important, because otherwise I will see porn and my addiction to it as somehow okay and that any thought I have of it would be justified, and that anything that gets in the way of craving that junk sex would simply be a nuisance. No, it is just a habit of craving sex like a junkie, and the truth is that I don't even know what real sex or a relationship is like. And of course it's natural to be curious about it, and to at least look at porn once or twice isn't an issue. The problem is that I continuously looked at it for years. It's not curiosity but habit that killed the cat I think. Getting into a habit of bad thinking, not just behaving a certain way. What leads people to craving a junk lifestyle in the first place? They must be unhappy with themselves. I know that I've been unhappy, and haven't thought well of myself for a very long time. That kind of thinking is I believe what leads men to abuse women. Because these guys in reality think of themselves as not worth much. Some of them have a mask of superiority thinking they're better than everyone else, and that women shouldn't reject them in the first place. That fear of rejection is revealing the negative beliefs they hold about themselves, and it explains their abuse behavior. If she rejects him, then he will see in his mind for a moment the kind of person he chose to be. This is too much for him, so to defend himself he decides to put the woman in her place be restraining her which he is able to do since he's stronger. This is one of the only satisfactions he's able to get in life, is by feeling in control of others, especially women. Now, what is the difference between that guys thinking and our porn addiction? Is there really much of a difference? Maybe we don't go out abusing women and never have, but what are our motivations for watching porn over and over and relapsing, rather than simply, s.i.m.p.l.y getting to know and talk to real women? I believe at least for myself that the thoughts behind which created my porn addiction are very similar, if not the exact same as the guy who thinks he's superior to most women, deserves a girlfriend and abuses them. I think there are many thoughts that swirl around in our heads when we decide to relapse, and I think they go something like this.

"I'm not good enough to get a girlfriend. I can't take this anymore, I'm just going to watch porn. I can't handle getting rejected, it just means that I'm not good enough. There's no point in asking out girls in the first place, look at how shit I am. I feel so good watching that girl do those acts on the screen, she takes my anxiety away. I can feel safe with her. I wish she could be my girlfriend, she's so friendly and nice. But no there's no way she would accept me as her boyfriend. She probably has a boyfriend anyways, and I know that she is ultimately just using me for money. She has no feelings for me, and she knows best. She knows what kind of guys that watch her. Lowlifes like me who can't even talk to girls. She probably just laughs at guys like me. Her boyfriend is probably tall, rich and well built. He couldn't care less if she does porn because he can get any girl he wants anyway. I hate him, and her. But I'll watch her anyway because I'm so pathetic there's nothing else that I can do."

If anyone here hasn't had dark thoughts like that I would be surprised. Darkness is in all of us. If you feel like running away from reading that you're only running away from yourself. I embellished on some of what I wrote, but I know I've had some of those thoughts. And those thoughts are the real motivations behind wanting to continuously watch porn, rather than leaving it behind knowing it for the junk it is and deciding to talk to real girls. And those dark thoughts I believe are the same motivations behind men who decide to abuse women. In fact watching porn is basically deciding to abuse a woman. Here you have a complete stranger. Yes she's on a screen, but your serpent brain doesn't see it that way. She is as real as flesh and blood the moment your blood starts pumping from watching the screen. You haven't gone through the effort of getting to know this girl, and many of the girls they're naked right away as if on some command. It's as if this is a slave compound and you're a slave owner. These girls are hardly your wife, they're more like paid slaves. Yes many of the girls on porn websites do it willingly and are not slaves. But some actually are being abused to do it, and that's something to think about. Even if the girls you watch do it on their own free will, it doesn't mean that you as the viewer should feel faultless because it's a mutual transaction. No, what matters is how you're viewing what you're doing in your own mind. You are making it clear to yourself that it's okay to see women in any position possible, doing anything you want them to do. You don't even ask them, you just search it and have that expectation. That expectation ruins your relations with real women. That's one reason why we must get over this addiction, is that there's no way to have a real relationship if we're addicted to this.

Back to the dark thoughts. I know this is true, and that is because I've seen the monstrous thoughts inside myself. An example. Two days ago I was walking back to the parking garage in the mall. As I walked onto the main level I heard a screeching sound. I saw a young female driver enter the garage in a truck. And I noticed that the side of the truck was all scraped up. I realized that she had somehow scraped the garages support pillar and that she was freaking out. I don't think she was hurt just shocked at what she did. I went back to my car and thought maybe I should ask her if she's okay. I drove up to her truck and saw her walking around it in shock. I could see she wasn't physically hurt. I still had some motivation to talk to her though. I felt anxious, why shouldn't I ask her if she's okay? I drove on instead and left. Within the next minute I realized what I was thinking. I thought about asking her out on a date. And I felt horrified at that realization. I wanted to take advantage of a woman while she was vulnerable, and I could see how manipulative that is. That is the danger of porn addiction, is that we can see women as nothing more than being there to satiate our desire. I wasn't even really thinking about if she was okay or not, almost instantly I thought about asking her out.

So ultimately it's the motivations we have deep down that drove us to addiction in the first place. We were unhappy and wanted to be happy. Understandable. And what matters is how we choose to act from there. Having dark thoughts and motivations is a choice and I can't see it any other way. Otherwise we'd have to accept that we have no free will and that our actions are determined by our environment. "Well I grew up on porn, and I'm so habituated to it that there's no way I could really get over this. And we're hardwired for sex and reproduction, it's as if we're hardwired for addiction. Porn is everywhere so there's no way I couldn't be addicted." I know I've heard people say things like this. And it's just rationalizations to justify an unhealthy habit and to not take responsibility for their actions. If we're not responsible for our motivations for our addiction, then we're not responsible for being addicted. Then we have no free will. And that is unacceptable to me.

Maybe I grew up thinking that I'm not worth very much and that no one could ever think well of me. That women will never like me. If I keep believing that then I will never get over this addiction and never have a real relationship with a woman. And being a cynic I accept the possibility that I could turn into a cruel person just like the abusive guys I mentioned. Not just a life of loneliness, but a life of abusing others. My only option from my point of view is to start thinking better of myself and to become a happy person that others like to be around.

If I don't believe that I willingly choose to be addicted to porn, then there is no hope of getting over it because that would mean I have no choice but to be addicted. With no free will I can't choose to become a happy person and to live a better life. I chose this addiction. And now I'm choosing to stop it. Well, what are other peoples thought?

 

Day 387

 

Day 39 saiyans

Came to a realization yesterday. Its all our responsibility. No matter what happens to us in life, it may not be our fault, but its our responsibility to fix it. Ive heard and read this in the past, but ita only now that its deeply ingrained into my mind. Keep going saiyans
Fight or die!

 

Day 8



I know I've shared this before, but I still watch it as part of motivation.

 

Hello everyone, today I will joined this challenge. I have been a part of some challenge in the past but I relapsed. But now I want to make a new start. So, here I am.

Day 8 done

 

Glad to have you on board