Because it's literally designed to be addictive. I don't believe that humans are equipped to deal with all that instant gratification in a healthy way.
Day 38 Today is a big day for me! By God's strength and with your support and encouragement, I have overcome two M trap falls - day 28 and day 37. The next challenge is to overcome the biggest record of my life - day 97! I believe that I will succeed! I know! I wish everyone succeed on yours goals!
Checking and still going strong...had a new sexual partnership begin but hasn't\t led to any relapse to P which is positive
It's hard right now. There is this feeling that tells me I should stop working and just indulge myself. It's not even specific. It just wants me to distract myself any way possible. But rationally it doesn't make sense. There is nothing for me there but misery. I don't like what happens then. So it's just not an option. I'll just have to sit it out until it's gone. Just like before. Hopefully it won't last for so long.
Been slacking, not going to the gym, just really sluggish and sleepy. It’ll be a busy weekend so hopefully I can pick it up again Monday. No urges though, feeling good.
Learning from resets has been an important part of this process. I hit 2 weeks, then reset. Thought about what lead up to it, what I could do differently, and tried again. The second time through was a bit easier. Same thing at one month, then two months. It's taken me almost a year to reach 70+ days. If I reset again, I'll start another streak. Your addict behavior didn't happen overnight, your recovery won't happen overnight either. Stay strong brother, stay focused on your goals.
This week has been a little better. Urges have lessened somewhat. I could be doing better in terms of meditation and other positive habits I'm trying to develop. The week's not over though. This week (updated 8/5): 3 days meditation 3.5 hours exercise
Checking in. Felt petty good to be productive today. I'm amazed at how much I got done before 10am without distraction.
This makes a lot of sense. I'm doing well at the moment, and hoping for a new record streak, but in the last couple of years I have started to think of this problem as something to be managed instead of cured. I no longer hate myself after every reset. I think it is healthier to just have acceptance that this behavior is part of who we are, while still using all our tools to minimize it and eliminate it as much as possible.
I believe this is good advice @artifact. I also think, after years of trying to get to complete abstinence, that it’s probably a good strategy just to aim to minimise it so it doesn’t interfere with the rest of our lives i.e. so that it’s not compulsive but used sometimes to get to sleep or unwind a bit. It’s taken me years to admit this to myself but I finally feel better having done so!
Checking in. Heard a great phrase today “the fight is not over if you’re still fighting”. Streak goes on.
