I’ve been trying this since a long time, today I am in my 9th day of abstinence and counting. Please pray.
10/90 Masturbation, watching porn, and doing stuff is so lustful, that I believe is better even not to mention, the fact of remembering makes me being tempted. Having the mind in Christ is the only thing that really works. I am 28 years old, always doing exercise, going gym, swimming, etc. people around consider me in well shape, being attractive has been a real problem to abstain even from my self. I always get angry since I can’t release, I became a really sick person at this stage, really irritable but I know following my flesh desires is not the answer, when I fail I feel like I am not a man but a coward. Then after day 15 I start feeling like I am a king, who understands the heavens but is risky in that point I star being tempted from every direction. I avoid non Christians individuals at this point, believe me you star having a really strong discernment that can put you at risk, then after day 20 is worst or more intense, I feel every men around me is really gay or not masculine and like every girl wants to posees my seed. Even if this program is that crazy I KNOW preserving my seed while being in Christ is the only thing that really makes me feel alive. Pray men, there are only few lions left in this world.
Praying for you. It always gets better when you break through 30 or so days. Hardest thing is it’s tough to find men in real life who will talk about this.
11/90 Today was a nice day cuz I did a good Mexican meal for a weird friend. In the morning I went to paint a fence, it was really hard cuz I was very tempted there… I still thinking how am I will deal with my urges, I try to quiet every bad though. I believe I have the right to do whatever since I am in abstinence, like I am thinking about doing or selling drugs, get associated with other risky behaviours; jumping high cascades, swimming in the most dangerous sea in Mexico are some of the stupid things I did while I was in abstinence. The more I am in abstinence the less mortal/gay I feel. I just want to be a man, but is really dangerous abstinence also, I become really powerful. I told my friend to leave my apartment since he was doing leg movements and I got so stress about his non body control. Tomorrow I will train in the gym like an animal, I will drink a monster also and take advantage of my seed to lift more. I know after some days more I will star even noticing non masculine finger or voice movement/production. I am being really honest with you men, this is a sacred space. Hope you don’t misunderstand me. This is crazy but I don’t care, Cristo es el camino. BE A GOD‘S LION
