Got caught red handed

1) sucks. 2) Wake up call? Go with that, use it. Make a decision. Bottom line, though porn consumption feels compulsive, and to an extent is, we all have the ability to choose, to decide. The decision to quit for one "addicted" is painful because we have used it to get high for a long time, and when we deprive our brains of that, our brains become quite mean and impose punitive withdrawals, which suck. The good news: after a while they go away, you are no longer addicted, and that habit is behind you.

Much love.

Done.

 

It may have been painful and / or embarrassing, or a combo of the both but perhaps you'll appreciate it one day.

 

You might not believe your brother followed you but I'm guessing he did it because he loves you, is worried about you, and wants to help you. Lean into that support to help you overcome your addiction.

 

Or maybe he's trying to control him. His kind of behavior is really strange. It might be understandable if it was a wife doing this but the brother seems to be crossing a boundary.

 

The original post says the family found out about his addiction again so clearly he has a problem. If he was a drug addict going to buy drugs, or an alcoholic going to a bar, and his brother intervened would that be controlling? I interpret the post to mean he has a good brother who is trying to help him and not control him.

 

Tough love is love, we all have to eat humble pie to get better. You're better off, otherwise you will die in your addiction and be miserable forever. If you have a support system who is willing to intervene for your wellbeing then you are blessed. You would be wise to embrace them in return. I've been there. It's virtually impossible to recover/heal without loving relationships. So what's your next move? Keep us posted.

 

Sounds like he loves you, man. Take it as a lesson.

 

That sounds like a good brother.

 

Yes, it would be. A few years ago my Mum started smoking. I don't like she's doing it but I don't take all her tobacco away and control her movements. You can't force someone to quit an addiction.

 

Are there any situations in which "controlling" would be a good thing to do? If so, which ones?

 

I don't think so.

"People never change because they are under threat or under duress. Never. They change because they see something that makes their life seem valuable enough to start moving toward a life worth living." - Robert Downey Jr

 

Some people actually do benefit from a controlling situation, if it's set up right and with the right intentions. Great example of this is the military. Plenty of men have gone there complete messes, and barely willing, but after they serve their term, they feel all of the control they went through set them on a much better path, and left them with many lessons they'd have long avoided without.

As for this situation in particular, I think we really do not have enough information to know whether the brother and the whole family are applying control in a healthy manner. A loving family would in fact restrict an addict's access to the drug if it was in their authority. They'd also be supportive of helping the addict learn to live a healthier life so that they can heal and later have a healthy sexuality. They'd also have language that isn't judgmental, but rather firm yet constructive(edifying). No family is perfect, and they might slip up and let out a bad thought or two, make an overbearing choice here or there, but as long as they return to that original intention of helping their son/brother heal and move towards a healthy life and are genuine in that, then it is good.

 

It's great that you got a caring family!

You can beat this addiction, brother! You have the strength to overcome this filthy addiction.

Good luck!