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475 days no PMO, semen retention

 

Day 53 - Anbu Member

 

475 days SR
46 days no sex

Friendship, no more girls & austerity

Girls:This fitness girl I dated two weeks ago texted me yesterday telling why I wasn't talking to her anymore, I didn't feel like replying, also she hasn't tried to talk to me too. I think I'll just let her go. I could easily have sex with her but there is something negative and heavy about her energy also she's coming too strong, that text yesterday was very uncalled for.

Yesterday I went to see the girl I'm dating at her house, it was good. I'm going to stay with this girl, we are almost like friends I never had that with a girl, she'll be my first female friend.

She only had sex once and I'm not certain if we are going to have sex soon, we have seen each other since two weeks ago. I don't really care about it, but at the same time this doesn't help to see her as a partner, at the moment I enjoy her company and talking to her.

Friendship is something I rarely experience maybe in my teenage years like 15 years ago. I'm pretty much a loner, except I date girls from time to time.
So I appreciate this girl's friendship even more than sex or an actual romantic relationship. Even do we kiss and all that but no sex. She also says, she doesn't want to rush things up because it has turned bad for her in the past. I haven't mention sex too, I told her that when she feels ready we'll do it. There's also some flaws in her character and inmaturity that doesn't help me to see her as something serious, maybe this can change, only time will tell.

Some exes have reached out to me these past days wanting to see me and have sex, I simply ignored them. It's so great to not be dependent on sex, nothing compels you or makes you dependable on someone else.

Free of lust = freedom

For the time being I'm going to take a complete break from girls probably until march/April next year I need to focus on my studies 110%. Maybe if a girl I like a lot comes in my way or if this girl I'm seeing right now we become serious I'll reconsider girls again in this period of time. I just don't want to spend any time or mental energy on girls right now. I have to study like crazy.

Austerities:
Day 1/30
I'm going to do some austerities this always helped me in the past to have more energy and a sharp mind.

1.I'll be out of the internet or any screen unless it's for studying and nofap posting but mostly on my journal, making threads and in the challenges. Also always open to help if someone pm me.

2.no girls except the girl I'm seeing or if another one I like a lot comes in the way.

3. Waking up at 4am or even earlier.
4. Not lying on my back in any seat.
5. Chaste look
6. No music

7. Simple food, no junk food or anything like it, maybe an ice cream or a pizza very rarely only if I'm on a date with a girl and most likely only after having sex, I don't really like junk food.

8. Cold showers

 

Day 38
Feeling grateful to have a friends who supports me. Praise God.yay!

 

476 days no PMO, semen retention

 

476 days SR
47 days no sex

“The farther away you are from the truth, the more the hateful and pleasurable states will arise. There is also self- deception” Bodhidharma

Girls: my father asked me yesterday about the fitness girl I dated like 3 weeks ago, so I replied to him, I usually don’t talk too much about girls with him, he spends most of the time doing meditation and he doesn’t like to talk too much about mundane affairs, but he is quite knowledgeable about girls, he told me the fitness girl is a good girl and she really likes me, she has her flaws as any other women, but it is normal.

I mentioned him the 18 y.o girl I’m seeing at the gym he didn’t like her so much, she’s a bit crazy and immature I already knew this that is why I see her as a friend, but im going to stay away from her a bit more and no more kisses with her.

So we end up choosing the fitness girl, she is really into me, she’s studying to be a physician, mature and physically she has one of the best bodies I’ve ever seen, beautiful eyes too. I don’t see myself long term with her but a couple of months will be fine. Also she is leaving the country in a couple of months so it’s not a bad idea. We are talking again.


Austerities: 2/30

Its going great already refraining the senses and waking up before 4am has helped me to gain new energy

Meditation: today I’m doing meditation again, I noticed I have a lot of energy, probably for the semen retention streak but it’s more a physical energy I need to refine it, otherwise I can lose it very easily, it’s not a very deep energy, it’s a bit shallow, I’ll do some meditation to work this out. Also spending some time away from very mundane girls helps a lot to storage energy, if not careful girls can drain you out very fast.

 

This is an advice that my father a real tantric master told me today

“First of all recognize the illusion of this world, the materiality and mundanity of women in general, you need to have clear concepts about the deceit of the material life so this way you find the motivation to search the inner life which is what is really truthful."

 

477 days no PMO, semen retention

 

447 days SR

Why I don’t masturbate or ejaculate
One of the main reasons I don’t masturbate is that when I do I feel I’ve been defeated by lust, I lose my face to women, I need to be in a high place energetically and psychologically to deal with women and life in general, if I gave in to pleasure it means women have the power of sex over me, I become inferior to their superior sexual power, which they already have, women according to eastern teachings have ten times more sexual energy than men and most of them can easily live without sex or masturbation for years or have sex for hours or days straight. I don’t like to be inferior to women this is a step prior to be dominated by a woman.

Also sexual energy is one of the most powerful forces we have if you lose it to PMO or being a sex machine you become weak and you need energy to do anything in life specially if you want to be a superior man.

I have dealt with so many beautiful and crazy girls, always trying to pick the most high quality one, I think a regular man will be crazy by now, traumatized or at least a little beat down because of this, I’ll be in such a bad place if I haven’t dealt with girls with a detached mind, seeing sex as meditation.

The moment I lose my streak it doesn’t mean just losing a streak which is just a number at the end of the day, it means that I’m in a mental state again in which appearances and pleasure cloud my thinking, not relapsing means a permanent fixed understanding of what sexual energy is.

Conclusion: NoFap needs to create a clear understanding of your sexuality and pleasure, aiming to destroy any relapses.

 

478 days no PMO, semen retention

 

479 days no PMO, semen retention

 

Day 57 - Anbu Member

 

480 days no PMO, semen retention

 

Day 58 - Anbu Member