✹ THE SHINOBI CHALLENGE! What is your Ninja Way?! (Naruto Challenge) RANKS ARE BACK. GET YOURS NOW!

Day 1 completed.

 

Day 423

 

Day 192!

 

Day 2 completed.

 

Day 193!

 

Day 3 completed.

 

Day 424 & 425

 

Day 4 completed.

 

Day 194!

 

Day 195!

 

Day 5 completed.

 

Day 426 & 427

 

Day 196!

 

Day 6 completed.

 

Day 0;
I'm sorry brothers....
Yesterday, I had the last exam of this semester. After that, my friends and I went to a nightclub, and I ended up having sex with a girl. she said that she enjoyed and she wnated to get my mobile number. Ridiculous thing is I didn't give my number. I thought at that moment it was a good idea because I didn't know her background details..Sadly I did a sin. It's not a good idea to have sex before marriage. I know God will forgive me. It's never going to happen again before marriage.This is my first and last time having sex before marriage. Fortunately, I didn't engage M and P. According to monk mode rules, Having sex is cause for relaspe. Let's start the journey again brothers..Good luck

 

Day 197!

 

Day 7 completed. Mood was off today due to work related things but was able to distract myself through Youtube. But now , because of this negative mood around me, I am indulging in my earlier behaviors..like watching youtube, reading manga ..which eventually leads me to slipping back into porn. So, that scares me right now.

My mind is still contemplating right now whether to watch porn or not as I am writing this. So, these urges are really high today. Not following my routine was a big part for this.

Trying to stay strong..you just have to fight it for a day !!

 

Day 198!

 

Day 22, Chunin

 

Day 0: As I mentioned in the last post, the urge took over me. Last night, I was contemplating my choices on whether to indulge or not, but at the same time, the brain made me feel that I actually liked watching porn based on the rationale that I don't watch any extremely vulgar or hardcore as such.

The moment I took my phone into my mind, I realized that I had given in and stopped completely thinking or using my rational system. From there on, It was a binge session..what made my urges heighten was the novelty of it, like I read hentai/manhwa ...so knowing that a new chapter for a series might have come out or so, was a big factor.

But nothing of that sort came , I was watching the same old videos but still mindlessly scrolling through even after knowing that nothing new is there...I was scrolling expecting that I might have missed some old videos or so which will satisfy my curiosity.

That went on for a couple of hours, so slept at 3 and woke up at 8. I realized I need to meditate but instead picked up my phone instead leading to repetition of the same cycle. Didn't have lunch/breakfast..just laid in bed, feeling sorry for myself and mindlessly scrolling through Youtube (once got bored with that, then switched to porn)...Slept till 5 in the evening, and I went to have a shower. I also wanted to confirm that if I had like actual problems like I have read PIED, delayed erection or so.

So, I tried masturbating without porn, I tried fervently rubbing myself off..but I couldn't orgasm, which has given an insight into how serious my problem is.

Now I am writing this so that I can start tomorrow afresh...because I don't have any other choice..my life goals are affected, all day just being idle. FOMO creeps in when seeing my friends' successes while me being in a state of stagnation.

I have been trying to clear an exam for the last 3 years for my dream job. But I am not even able to focus on it...There is no passion/fire within me which constantly pushes me toward my goal.

My road to my downfall started with me listening to music & watching anime..which I had decided i would give up for my goal.

But now I am going to completely block them from my laptop. I need to make myself comfortable with pain & the only I need for my survival is the will to push myself for that goal.

I will also start reading Mark Queppet's reboot regime for strategy as to what needs to be done additionally for leaving this habit behind because I know for sure now that this is the reason for me being so negative, emotionally numb, and hampering my progress in life.

I am sorry, this was a very long post. But any help/advice on strategy on how to push through for the 1st 2 weeks would be appreciated as I feel that's when I feel the strongest urge.