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10 Years, 5 Lessons: Do these things after NNN and avoid a decade of mistakes.

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by DavidArrieta, Dec 1, 2020.

  1. DavidArrieta

    DavidArrieta New Fapstronaut

    I know I'm too young (19), and not everyone would take any advice from me.

    I'm an average guy from a third world country that only gets attention when the U.S. president on duty mentions it to win a few thousand cheap Latino votes that aren't despicable at all.

    But I know something for a fact: Living where I live allowed me to learn at my age what many others learn at their 25, 30, 40 (or never really learn).

    My addiction started ten years ago when I was just a little kid who had no idea why I felt pleasure in watching those things on the screen. About 3-4 years ago, my fight against PMO began. Like everyone else, it was an arduous battle.

    But almost 100 days ago, I was finally able to beat it.

    Here are some of the lessons I learned in the last ten years of my life living in this (ex) Caribbean paradise that can help you too.

    Lesson 1: Friendship is a waterdrop falling on a rock.


    Over and over again.

    Your friendships are shaping you, for better or worse, inch by inch; Like a drop of water falling on a rock countless times, even if you don't want it or don't notice it.

    To understand this, I had to lose someone very close to me. Here's a little story.

    For a long time, we shared the same interests: Wasting time on the internet, anime, video games, you know, gen z stuff. On top of that, PMO was not something we talked about directly, but we both knew it was a core aspect of each of us.

    Then, in 2013, the crisis struck. And it certainly hit both of us. But it didn't hit us in the same way.

    His father - a businessman - has been able to stay on track despite the crisis. On the other hand, I would say that my parents did their best, but it was never enough to cover all the expenses.

    Thanks to these difficult times, I developed a mindset that was far away from my old hobbies. I quit playing video games and watching anime and focused more on studying and learning new things.

    All I could think about was one day giving back all the hard work my parents did for me.

    Also, this is when my fight against this sick addiction began. This is also the moment when my friend and I took different paths.

    He, who the comfort, depression, video games, PMO, and other things never gave him a reason to look for long term goals, became more and more distant from me.

    The point of no return came when he met other friends just like him. The point of no return came when he met those kinds of people who tell you what you WANT to listen to, not what you MUST hear.

    Then I started to recommend him to do other things with his time. You know, pursuing a goal, working out, etc.

    For him, that was the last straw.

    "You're butting into my life." he implied

    "I do it because I love you. I wish I could see you succeed and see you truly happy without that depression you try to hide by wasting your time." I wanted to explain.

    "No. Leave me alone. It's none of your business."

    And just like that, a 10-year-old friendship went down the drain.

    Here's a bonus lesson: You can't help someone who doesn't want help.

    Lesson 2: If you play long term, there aren't failures.

    I remember the first line of code I wrote.

    I was two years away from graduating from high school. I felt like Tesla discovering all the new potential use that electricity could offer.

    After that, I finished a course that introduced me to JavaScript for the first time. The same feeling of having in your hands a tool as powerful as written language returned.

    I got hooked.

    I spent the whole year collecting all the information, courses, videos, and books about programming I could get online. Also, I knew that at the university I would learn about Linux and Free Software so, I decided to study it to get a jump on it.

    Do you know what I did after that? Absolutely nothing. I didn't know where to start among so much information I had.

    Then, when I started to go deeper into the topic, I realized that it was simply not my thing. I lost my way. It was devastating.

    I lost my goals and aspirations in the blink of an eye.

    And for a young guy trying to improve himself, this fell like a bucket of cold water on me.

    I failed to become a programmer. But you know what I earned? I'm a motherfucker ace at computers.

    Learning the basics of programming allowed me to understand and write better scripts to automate my workflow and be faster at what I do. Produce more in less time.

    Also, learning how to use Linux made me love solving problems and fixing my own computer. Stop working or studying with the excuse that the computer got broken? Good joke.

    And I guarantee that you haven't seen a writer/copywriter writing fast until you see one using the ViM text editor. There is no point of comparison. (Linux fellas will understand this;))

    I failed at what I wanted. Thanks to that, I got what I needed to grow stronger in what I'm really good at: copywriting and digital marketing.

    It's a failure only if you don't get anything out of it.
    And I'm sure that from 98% of situations in life, you can get something good out of it.

    Lesson 3: You better think there's something up there.

    Do you know what was my first thought the day after I became an atheist about 5-6 years ago? "Great, now I'll be able to jerk off and watch porn in peace."

    Freaking moron. If I could travel to the past, I would punch myself in the face. Thank goodness, soon after I realized what a huge shit I got for brain.

    After several changes in my way of thinking about God (agnosticism and deism, to mention a few), I finally found one in which I feel comfortable. But that's not the important thing.

    Having something or someone to ask for help when you feel devastated by your problems. Or something or someone to thank in the good times of your life.Or something or someone to prove that you can overcome all the challenges life throws at you.

    There's nothing better in life.

    And it can be so helpful when you feel you can't overcome your addictions on your own.

    I remember one day when I fell back into PMO.

    I cried. I cried a lot. Knees on the floor crying out for help.

    Not being able to control myself drove me nuts.

    And you know what? It felt like crap.

    But you know what happened next? I still felt horrible. I was disgusted with myself.

    But at some point, I just got up.

    And no, I didn't hear any voices talking to me. No, there was no miracle or anything supernatural to show me that I was not alone. Nor did I heard God telling me to take up arms against the British because it was my Divine Destiny or something like that.

    But I simply stood up and knew deep down that something or someone was motivating me to keep going, that it was just another relapse on the long road ahead.

    And I remember getting on a streak for about two weeks after that.

    And I relapsed again.

    But I wasn't going to let myself fall apart again. I knew I had someone by my side motivating me to keep getting up again and again; By hook or by crook.

    Until after many tries, I made it. Even though I would never have achieved it alone.

    If you don't have a relationship with God* right now, or you feel unsure or unable to regain a relationship with him, give him a chance. It is the best decision you will ever make.

    *I do not mean "God" by referring to Jehovah. When it comes to overcoming PMO, believing in any religion or any god is enough.

    Lesson 4: Be an activist against it.

    When I decided to start walking this journey, I knew that my willpower alone wouldn't be enough.

    I also didn't want to focus on "not doing it" and that's it.

    I thought it would be best to adopt an "I'm doing other things. I don't have time for it." mentality. So I decided that instead of trying to be a Catholic monk by avoiding anything even slightly similar to a woman, I would approach this issue through other eyes.

    And that's how my Facebook page was born.

    This is where I began to publish content that I found pleasing to the eye and the soul. Paintings, sculptures, art, nature photos, etc. Aesthetic content in general.

    Also, I started publishing pictures of pretty girls. Sometimes in elegant clothes, in bikinis, or even naked.

    And you know what? It didn't affect me at all, even though I was still recovering from my addiction.

    The detail is that I began to look at those photographs, not with lust, but with admiration. Purely admiration for the beauty of the female body. As it should be.

    A friend once told me: "I just don't understand what you're posting. They're just regular girls." and that told me I'm on the right track.

    I learned that if the only thing that excites you when you see a woman is her naked or half-naked body to fantasize about what you'd do to her in bed, you're out of your fucking mind. And that if you don't know how to appreciate the beauty in life, and feel delighted to admire it, you must have some screws loose.

    I also started translating a very famous video about Semen Retention (Famous People Who Did Semen Retention by Your Greatest Version) into Spanish with a friend. We haven't finished it yet, but I'm already excited to publish it. And you know what the best part is? Because he offered to help me, I convinced my friend to try NoFap, and now he feels better than ever.

    Having a positive influence on the lives of others should be the best feeling in life.

    Lesson 5: Have a Mantra. Don't forget words power.

    I know this is repeated ad nauseam in trash literature sprinkled with cheap astrology and personal development 101.

    But I need to say it.

    Yes, words have power.

    And they can also be a double-edged sword if you don't know how to use them to your advantage. But if you learn to master your mind and your feelings so that they obey you as you speak a few words out of your mouth... The world is fucking yours.

    Because ever since I began to see the value of words used in your favor, I swear I don't understand how no one has ever said this to me before.

    To explain my point, yes, I'll tell you a little story.

    I'll tell you something that you probably already know: My life is not easy.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm sure yours isn't either. But believe me when I tell you that it is much easier to appreciate the good things in life with a full stomach and a full fridge.

    And hearing the same complaints about the economy from my family over and over again, for 7 years in a row, doesn't make it any easier.

    To be honest, anyone would go crazy.

    But you know what?

    I don't care anymore. My secret? It's really not that secret. The Stoic Greeks discovered it hundreds of years ago.

    "Don't stress about things that are out of your control. Focus on the things you can change to your advantage."

    Wherever and whenever a problem arises, remember those words.

    It will relax you more than that fancy imported tea you drink because it promises thousands of health benefits and blah blah blah.No, I am not against tea. I love tea. But you can't expect a few chemicals to do all the work for you every time you feel stressed or nervous.

    Train. Yourself. Your. Goddamn. Mind.

    Now you're probably wondering, "Okay, good for you. But how can I apply this in my fight against PMO?"

    I'll tell you how.

    "The worst addiction in the world is comfort. Nobody wants to be cold. Nobody wants to try a hard diet. Nobody wants to exercise hard. They want to click a button and have all their needs satisfied. But all growth happens with discomfort."

    Focus on the first and last line.

    "The worst addiction in the world is comfort. All growth happens with discomfort."

    Repeat this every day.

    Every morning.

    Every time you've just woken up and you're still sleepy, say it. Say it out loud if necessary and wake up.

    "Damn it with the alarm, I just want 5 more minutes..."The worst addiction in the world is comfort. All growth happens with discomfort.

    "Why do I have to make an effort to work out if I won't see results for a very long time anyway?" The worst addiction in the world is comfort. All growth happens with discomfort."

    "I haven't had much luck with women lately. I think I should text my ex to see if she'll give me another chance..." The worst addiction in the world is comfort. All growth happens with discomfort."

    "What's the point of trying to build a business in my spare time if I'm already doing very well in my job?" The worst addiction in the world is comfort. All growth happens with discomfort.

    "NoFap? SR? Leave me alone! I just want to enjoy my pleasures in peace."The worst addiction in the world is comfort. All growth happens with discomfort.

    You get the point. Say it every time you feel you're not doing your best.

    Believe me, it helped me a lot, and I hope it can help you too.
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2020
    Garek, SDJR, Baowistop and 2 others like this.
  2. fullmotive

    fullmotive New Fapstronaut

    Really inspired story. I‘ve learned a lot from you. Good job man
  3. RiverBlue

    RiverBlue Fapstronaut

    Wise beyond your years, man.
    Garek likes this.

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