114 days - my journey from SAD boy to CEO of 2 companies

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Marichman, Apr 18, 2018.

  1. Marichman

    Marichman Fapstronaut

    This story is bit long, but I think it could be motivative for many friends.

    I was born in 1989 in south-Asia and started masturbating at the age of 10. I used to visualize girls (girls from class, elder girls of my village, movie actresses, models in newspapers) and masturbate on them. At the age of 13, I decided to quit as I knew I was not doing something right. I remember it was during FIFA world cup 2002 (Korea-Japan), I made a promise that after the final match I would quit masturbation. But all went in vain and I continued masturbating, once a day.

    At the beginning of 2003, one of my classmates gave me a porn video CD, which was probably my first porn video. I continued getting more videos from other friends and it went on. In 2006 I completed my class 10 studies and left my home to the capital city of my country for higher studies.

    The next four years, masturbation was a regular part of my life. Sharing porn videos in mobile phone, CDs, DVDs were very common among friends. Then I left my country for one of the Nordic countries for higher studies in late 2010. Then what next, got exposed to super-fast internet. No need of CDs, DVDs or old porn videos, rather I can excess as much porn as I want at any time. Then porn and masturbation were something that I could do whenever I had time. The next five years (till 2015), I watched porn and coupled it with masturbation. I was badly hooked with internet pornography.

    During this time, I had a girlfriend (2011-2017) who came from my own country and stayed on THAT Nordic country. Deep inside my mind and heart I knew that, a loving girlfriend who will understand and make love with me, will help me to get out of this porn induced hypnotism. But things did not turn out to be as I thought. She used to love me unconditionally, no question on that but she had no interest on sex. I was so surprised how can she be like that. We were in relation for 5 years but had sex may be once or twice in a month, and even that was when I emotionally forced her. After few months of relation, I knew I would not be able to get rid of this porn-masturbation as she was not able to understand and help me. Also, I did not want to force her everytime. Upon asking, she told me she do not have any interest on sex with any gender and porn was something she hated the most. I used to think how lucky I would have been had I also got mind-set like her, free from porn and excessive sex desires. I loved her so much that I could not let her go but at the same time I was suffering a lot as she was not able to have enough sex with me. So, only way was to go back to internet porn. For my further studies, I left that country and moved to Central europe at the end of 2015. Although we were physically separated, we were in regular contact.

    I discovered nofap in November 2015. At that time, I thought I will try out and help myself overcoming PMO. In January 2016, I kept myself away from all PM activities and could last only for a month. Still that was a big success for me. But I relapsed, and the frequency of PM increased again. Then I went on and off with PMO, I used to abstain myself from it for a week and on the relapsing day I would masturbate for hours. But I was regularly reading nofap.com to get more motivation and enjoyed reading many success stories. Thus in 2016, my nofap journey got started but I was not disciplined. However, I was able to slow down my PM rate by 30% - 40 %.

    I knew it is not easy as I had relapsed many times. But along with that, I also knew that one day I would be able to start my final nofap journey, after which there is no return to PMO. At the beginning of 2017, me and my girlfriend decided to get married. As you know in south-Asia, parents’ permission matters a lot in case of marriages. My parents were ready, but her parents were not. They found many weaknesses in me and rejected my proposal. Me and my gf were shocked and despite a lot of talk with her parents, we were not able to convince them. Then finally a time came, when her parents asked her to choose them or me. I could see that she was internally broken in the last few months. I could see that she was at the edge of depression and any further push, either from her parents or from my side, she will fall deep into the pit of depression. Finally, I talked with her that her parents are more important to her than me. She can find any other boy like me but not her parents. Thus, with this I decided to end the relation so that she will have some time to think all about it or at least she would not have any more emotional tortures. She got married after two months with her parents’ choice and that pushed me into a dark tunnel of emotional torture. However I had a solution to escape from it, and that was to go back to PMO.

    Every motivation that I had for nofap disappeared and PM, along with weed was the only way to forget anything going in my life. I went back to my country in June 2017 to visit my family which helped me a lot to overcome everything which I was going through. After I retuned back to Central Europe, things slowed down. I was back to my university studies and work, but PMO continued. I was planning to graduate from my studies in March 2018 and was also worried about my carrier and further Job after studies.

    On 26th December 2017, I masturbated on internet porn for six hours. I did not regret after 6 hours of pron and masturbation. I rather felt happy as it was only method at that time for me to be happy. But after some time, I became sad as I knew deep inside me that I have potential of doing something much worth than PMO. I slept after that but when I woke up, I had a feeling that may be porn was behind all things happening on my life. Unstable relation with my girlfriend (regarding sex), her parents ignoring me completely, all the anxiety that I was having, lacking in social activities and so on so forth. Then that day, I said myself that I should choose a better life where internet PM should end, and I should get exposed to all other people and activities which I have been fearing till now. Then my final journey to nofap started on 27th December 2017.

    We all know the drawbacks of regular nofap. I will write further how was my journey after I started my final nofap journey.

    First week went without much problems. I had some desires, but they were not strong enough to push me back into PMO. I listened lot of songs, meditated, went to gym and tried to be mindful as much as I can to substitute PM and supply enough dopamine to my neurons. But from 13th day, my flat-line started. I started getting crazy, my brain was getting bone-dry as I was not able to supply enough dopamine through other activities. The only way I could see at that time was to go back to PMO. But then I said to myself, I would rather go to a prostitute and have a human sex rather than going back to PM. On 19th day, It was too much to handle and then I went to meet a prostitute, had sex with her. The sex was very satisfying and with 19 days of no PMO, I felt 60% of my porn induced erection dysfunction was cured. In 30 minutes, 20 minutes was for massage, cuddling, talking and I was able to have hard core sex for about 10 minutes. After this, the idea of sex and porn disappeared from my mind for the next two weeks. Again on 33rd day, my desire pumped up. But I was much stronger then. I was able to tolerate the extreme desire and after few days, the desire disappeared. At that time, I was writing my master thesis. I looked so stoned at that time. My blood full of testosterone, and my mind under thesis deadline. I was not stable but somehow, I managed myself. But it was too hard mentally. I confused my mind by saying that, hey first finish your thesis and u can visit the prostitute again. That consolation somehow tricked my mind an I was able to finish my master thesis (110 pages during my flatline phase). I submitted it on 1st of March 2018. At that day, I was on 65th day of no PMO (lets ignore that one-time ejaculation with prostitute lady as I have taken it as a therapy for continuing my nofap journey).

    I could feel that now I have much time for anything. The weather started getting better in Central europe, I got outside daily to spend about 1.5 hours in nearby park, which has a small forest and a lake adjacent to it. I used to go there early morning and sit in silence for an hour or so. Then I could sit for meditation and yoga and prayer in my room. At that time, I had not got a chance to see how much changes have had happened to me. But on my thesis presentation days (two presentations, once in my university and once in the company where I did my research), I realised I have so much energy and my confidence were surging high. I was not anxious, I did not panic, my voice was deeper, and my presenting skills were awesome. I am still so proud of myself that I gave presentation in front of more than 20 German Scientists in full relaxed way. I got good feedback and passed my masters with flying colours. And you know what, I was offered a research student job right after my presentation in my university.

    One day I was returning from my friend house to my room (takes around 15 minutes total on foot and by bus), it was around 9 pm, and roughly on 70th day of my nofap journey. A girl said hi to me in the bus station. This has never happened to me before, a random girl trying to talk. I replied hi and bus was already there, so we boarded the bus and sat together, adjacent to each other. In about 4 minutes of bus journey, we were able to share each other names, and information on university, house, family, work and exchanged phone number. We got down at the same place and hugged before we moved our own way. Oh man, I did not believe what happened in the last five minutes. This has never ever happened before as I was very shy and did not want to be in public. But I knew It was because of the nofap. For some readers, such thing must have happened many times, but for me it was something that had not happened before.

    But I was still on my flatline phase I guess. The sex desire was flooding sometimes, and I would take a cold shower, or go to a walk to distract myself, but my willpower had grown so much that I could easily say no to porn and masturbation. Today on 18th April 2018, I am no my 114th day. On 113th day, I met few of my university friends and you won’t believe what happened. In previous gatherings, I used to be a part of group, a guy in the cornor listening to talks but yesterday I was the leader. Everyone was listening to me very keenly on any topic that I raised. So, Today I got this motivation to share my story. I wanted to write this story on 90th day but I was busy with some other stuffs.

    You won’t believe but after nofap journey one of my friends from the Nordic countries where I was before, wanted to start a engineering consultancy company with me and gave me 50 percent share of it. We have a plan to have a small project worth 200k euros, to be launched in a year. Both of us are working on it currently. Also, I started an online company in my country, and currently I am working on 2 different online projects. One is too complicated to explain here so I am not explaining it. The second one is school level online courses for students. I have a plan to release it in 4 months and then if it works well I will continue these two online projects with an extra engineering projects in future and will of course add many other online courses after that.

    All the motivation for completing my thesis on time, giving presentation without any traces of nervousness, being more social with friends, not getting anxious with any girls, and to start two different companies with three projects where already 12 people have started working, part time work in university as a research assistant, learning piano, spending at least an hour in forest, regular yoga and meditation, correct diet with cold showers, positive thinking mindset, getting more social etc, all these things have happened to me since I started nofap journey seriously. I cannot say “this is not because of nofap”. Indeed, it is. I have never had more confidence and clear vision before.

    I will write again in few months. I hope many incidences in this story also coincide with yours. If you are reading this as a part of your nofap journey, then trust me, you are in right path. I was there at your feet, confused and craving for motivation. But believe me, you will succeed. It is just a matter of time and your effort. I wish you good luck and pray to God to help each one of us who are trying to change our destiny.

    Please pray for me as well. My nofap journey is still going on. And wish me good luck for my online projects.
    You can look into the attached screenshot of my journey.

    Thank you guys.

    Attached Files:

    Last edited: Apr 18, 2018
  2. gbek2665

    gbek2665 Fapstronaut

    Thanks man! Really inspired by your story.

    I have relapsed many time since my nofap journey on 2016. Today I will start again. Wish me luck!
  3. Marichman

    Marichman Fapstronaut

    Good luck for you journey. I won't say it is easy, but you are much more stronger than the PMO urges.
  4. ad_nex

    ad_nex Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing your experience brother and congratulations for the excellent streak so far... I wish you the very best for your journey ahead!!!
  5. L1ttl

    L1ttl Fapstronaut

    Your idea of success is wrong (being a CEO) and going to a prostitute is ungodly. I cannot understand the statement "Pray for me" if you are fulfilling your fleshly desires and aren't submitting yourself to God. I am happy that you are rejecting pornography, but if you believe in God, draw near to him.
    Huskerjim likes this.
  6. Beautiful post really, thx for sharing.
    Krishna Das and Marichman like this.
  7. sumersingh

    sumersingh Fapstronaut

    Dude t
    dude this was a kick for me as you said and you realize my whole life was spoil by PMO and i m more worthy than this i m alot talented person but bcoz of PMo i m stuck but i will be successful even i got my last nofap journey and one more thing dude even i m working on start up some thing you are talking about creating a education hub
    you must check out on youtube " Last moment tuitions " we will soon cross 100k subscribers and soon will launch our app but dude if i can do this just on journey if i will leave pmo completely i will become something amazing and i will thanks for the story
  8. Marichman

    Marichman Fapstronaut

    Thank you. I also wish you good luck.
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  9. Marichman

    Marichman Fapstronaut

    Thank you so much. I will certainly look into your channel. I hope I will get some more ideas on it. Thank you again for sharing. I hope you good luck for success.
    Krishna Das likes this.
  10. workHard

    workHard Fapstronaut

    This is probably one of the best posts written on this site.Thanks so much for contributing, very inspirational and i mean it.
  11. Marichman

    Marichman Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your suggestions. I have not written anything about religion here as I believe it is something that you should keep completely secret within your home and better not make it public as it has always made chaos in public. Regarding my spiritual journey, its a love affair and I donot want to make it public either.
    If being a CEO or any other positions is not a success in life, then it is entirely someone's personal view. For me, it is a huge success as it helps me to sustain and fulfill all my worldly desires. And if I donot fulfill my worldly desires, i have experienced that everytime I sit for prayer and meditation, my mind always go towards unfulfilled desires. But when I experience them, my mind is at peace and my prayer and meditation is very relaxing, well focused with stable mind.
    To remain in this world happily, everybody needs both spiritual and material life in a well balanced state, otherwise life looks skewed on either side. I call a person successful, if he can enjoy regular success parties fulfilling all his desires and at the same time when he/she closes eyes remembering GOD, he should feel THY presence. Then you are a fulfilled person. Missing either of this always pushes your mind in the direcction where u lack.
    Regarding going to prostitution, I am not suggesting it to anyone personally, in my case, It was entirely my personal decision which I had to take because only prayers were not enough. I needed a support and it worked. I didnot harm anyone with that act. The desire of PMO occurs when you really want to have sex and in case of lack of partner, I took it as a way of a mental therapy not to stop my journey with masturbation and porn. When I get a throne stuck in my feet while walking barefoot in a garden, I usually take another throne and remove the throne stuck in my feet. At the end, I throw both. So, going to brothel was something like that. Jusy like going to hospital.
    I hope you success in your journey. Good luck.
  12. Summer Son

    Summer Son Fapstronaut

    Thank you for sharing this inspirational story. I have read with enjoy!
    Krishna Das and Marichman like this.
  13. Gideonite

    Gideonite Fapstronaut

    Love the story brother. Thank you for sharing. Really gave me an inspiration to keep on fighting this unsound addiction. Good luck on your continuos journey:)
    Krishna Das and Marichman like this.
  14. L1ttl

    L1ttl Fapstronaut

    I think you got me wrong. I wasn't accusing you of anything so please do not feel attacked. It is true that most people do not know God. The fact that you allowed yourself to see a prostitute shows you do not know God. It's not about religion, I never spoke about religion. I spoke about relationship with our Creator. It is written in first Corinthians to flee from sexual immorality, and that he who sins sexually sins against his own body, we're the temple of the Holy Spirit. When we know that and experience his love, and his presence, we would never dare to sin sexually. Also as for your idea of success, I'm sorry but for believers this is not a personal view. Jesus himself said 'for what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul'. We know so much about Christ, and about God, but we do not know Him. When I truly knew him, my pornography addiction which I battled for years, was thrown out the window in a blink of an eye.

    Also, it's against God's Word (Bible) to say you need to keep him secret. Though since you're talking of religion I understand you haven't got there yet but I can help you if you're willing. Jesus said "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me." So it doesn't matter what the public thinks, it matters what Jesus thinks of you - "So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven."

    These are his words. Do you dare believe? You cannot be on the fence. You're either in or you're out!
    God bless.
    Fallensoldier1 and Gideonite like this.

  15. Bravo!!Bravo..way to go buddy... Wish to be on the same path and sae goals are in my mind.. Thanks
    Krishna Das and Marichman like this.
  16. Congratulations !!!!!! keep it up and I like your detailed explanation it inspired me so much :) Thanks for sharing this.
    Marichman likes this.
  17. Vedas_fr

    Vedas_fr Fapstronaut

    Hello, i have read your story and although you might be surprised by all the good things happening to you, even excited, i have to say that i am absolutely not surprised by all the good things happening to you. It seems to me that you are interested in yoga, and as a westerner who is really interested in the veda i think you should profit from this and learn a bit about Brahmacharya, ayurveda, etc...
    When you will reach mental stability and accumulated ojas from (vital refined energy) from long term chastity, your energy will change and you will attract a lot of good things. You will be very attractive to women, because you will be very healthy, charismatic, etc....
    The question that i ask myself when i read your story is first :
    -how could you even endure such a long period of self abuse???? If i masturbate more than 3 times a months i am not able to function properly, and get sick, depressed, unstable, anxious,weak..... (of course i don't do it anymore) I really canno't imagine how someone could masturbate everyday for years and not end up in a hospital or in psych ward. You must have been feeling really really bad all those years. Also, are you very thin? i suspect you are.
    - Now what? will you keep on like this forever? How are you going to channel your new vitality? What will be your sex life like? How do you feel if you relapse?

    Krishna Das and Hank Pym like this.
  18. Marichman

    Marichman Fapstronaut

    Hello, Thank you for your reply. I would try to answer as best as I can.

    Yes, I am really interested in Yoga and meditation. I have been doing yoga and meditation regularly since I was 13 years old. And I was a martial art player for 5 years (age 6 to age 11). I did not mention it in my story before. I was one step below Black belt in karate when I was studying in class 5 (Age 11). Then I stopped playing karate as I was interested much in football and cricket. I guess because I was very active in sports, and later followed by regular yoga and meditation, I was able to maintain my vitality even when i masturbated so much. Even after moving to Europe, I am regularly doing my yoga and meditation. I guess these activities were helping me to balance the effects of masturbation and I did not end up in hospital. However, I was very anxious, sad, physically bit weak, tired, and unmotivated after masturbation. And again when I do yoga, exercise, eat healthy food and sleep well, I was back to form. My school, college and university studies were good. I have always been above 80 percent.

    In the last two years, I have been trying to stop PMO, but I am successful only this time where I could reach more than 100 days. Before this, I had many 30+ days success but I relapsed many times. And now I can feel the vitality, mental stability and strength. But I am still struggling a bit with my laziness and I am trying my best to overcome this. I believe I will soon be more active without forcing so much, as I can feel getting better each passing day.

    I was thin and underweight till the age of 13, but after that I started gaining weight. I think after class 8, I was well balanced with my weight, and in general people do not call me thin or fat.

    I am not going back to PMO. I am spending one hour daily in silence in forest, I do breathing exercise (Pranayama) and meditation regularly, read more success stories of others in this page, and I hope these activities with my new project works will help me to channel all energies into vitality. About my sex life, I will only have sex with a lady. After coming this far, and with all these experiences, I do not think I will relapse ever.

    May be only few friends will understand but the following paragraph is mostly for [Vedas_fr].

    You seem to be interested in Veda. I am happy to hear that. Veda, spiritualism, Tantra, Aghora, meditation, yoga, Mantra, Kama-sutra, Astrology, hypnosis, all kinds of occult and esoteric subjects are always fascinating topics for me and I have been researching on all these for the last 15 years (but somehow I am not interested much in ayurveda, though I know it is a great science). But if you have some knowledge in astrology u will get why I did not end up in hospital after so much self-abuse. I am cancer Lagna with exalted Sun so this combination always hold the strength of my physical body. And why self abuse?? Because when I was born, I had rahu mahadasha and my rahu is in 7th house (in aquarius) with moon. So, my mind (moon) was already in illusion (Rahu = illusion) with any thing relating with 7th house (mostly sex and its accessories), and since porn is all illusion I was a victim of PMO in rahu dasha and it continued even in Jupiter mahadasha. When my Jupiter mahadasha started at the age of 12, I knew masturbating was not good and wanted to stop it, but again since rahu was with moon, my mind was too weak to remove it. Now after so many years, I am in Saturn mahadasha (from 2016), and with 3rd aspects of Saturn from 5th house to 7th house, I am eventually getting out of 7th house illusions. Anyway, there is lot I can co-relate my transformation with astrology, but the main thing is I am now free from this illusion and will continue to enjoy all these success.

    Thank you. :)
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2018
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  19. Marichman

    Marichman Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your reply. I have never felt any attack so do not worry about it. I am so happy that you are suggesting me some other way that has helped you. That was so kind of you and I hope you will continuously do it for many other friends who will need help in coming days. This platform is for porn addict like me who want to get rid of it somehow. The tools can be anything but if it works then it should be appreciated. It seems in your case, believing in Christ was a tool but everyone is not so lucky as you. There are many Christians followers here, we do believe in Christ as much as you do but it has not worked for them totally and they are here to find other supplement solutions. Similar is the case with all friends who follow and believe many other religions. For someone it works, and for some other it is not enough. There have been thousands of incidences where children, males and females have been sexually abused in all religious centers all over the world since ages and it is still continuing. So, with this data, I cannot totally agree with religions curing porn or unnatural sex addiction.
    In my cases and in many other cases, believing in GOD has only helped partly, and many other tools were needed as supplement. I am not against belief system towards GOD, but just stating from my experiences that it might not be enough for all.
    I also agree that going to prostitute was not right, but as a normal human, I would say it is much better to have a natural sex with a lady than to jerk yourself in front of your screen. It was a need at that situation and any kind of believe to any GOD would not have helped me. This was one of the tools that I used and threw away, and it is all gone.
    NFGrad likes this.

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