25yr male- Second time- trying this any tips to not relapse ever again

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by NVG94, Nov 2, 2019.

  1. NVG94

    NVG94 Fapstronaut

    I am a sex addict, porn addict. I live alone by myself so its very easy to give into porn or compulsive sexual behavior.

    I d like to know any tips to make my life better, change it for good,

    I am 25 and recently realized I had so many unfulfilled goals in my life , one being a better job, financial security and a partner (this would be less priority any way)

    I have spent a lot $ on compulsive sexual behavior. When I look at the ATM withdrawals in my bank statement its easily depressing, I keep doing it, i almost become a different person when the urge comes

    so this post , i will put a full stop on the behavior and PMO altogether
  2. Handzfree

    Handzfree Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Start now - write out how you are going to achieve these goals. Add steps - resume, job sites, save 10% of paycheck. This is what want? Then commit to it. Oh and yeah, sex and porn are not on this list!

    Congrats on pursuing your life.
  3. NVG94

    NVG94 Fapstronaut

    Thanks HF appreciate the words of encouragement
  4. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

    Print and get your bank statement in a frame. Everytime you feel the urge to mess up, just look at the frame.
    Kakarot_2694 likes this.
  5. NVG94

    NVG94 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for this - infrasapiens , I am all in now-

    PS: I am really happy about this active community - its a great support !!
  6. Handzfree

    Handzfree Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Hey NVG!!

    You don't get off that ez bro.:)

    I wanna see your list! And it better be challenging... lol

    Cheers / HF
    Kakarot_2694 likes this.
  7. NVG94

    NVG94 Fapstronaut

  8. livinginhell

    livinginhell Fapstronaut

    Remember it is a one way! Do it permanently, no return. Start walking this path then never look behind, keep walking.
  9. I would say good way to stop or control addiction, is start small.
    Small goals, 1 day, 3 days, 5 days, 1 week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks, 1 month.
    I was able to stop coffee and candies in cold turkey but well sexuality
    seems to be stronger than those but it is also now in the bay quite well :D
  10. NVG94

    NVG94 Fapstronaut

    Yes it’s one way I had urges few times but thinking about all the benefits helped me to avoid acting’s .. I’m already 5 days in ... life feels much better
  11. DerSchütze

    DerSchütze Fapstronaut

    I'm not going to tell you that you're going to relapse, but IF you do, remember
    1. Shit happens, you aren't a bad person
    2. Something caused this, relapses are usually lead by certain actions or events
    3. Try to learn from your relapse, write down the where, when, why, how, who, whatever you think caused it
    4. Think about how you will prevent something like this in the future, write it down
    If you make every relapse into a learning experience, you won't feel so bad IF they happen. Of course relapsing isn't a good thing, don't think it's a good thing.
    PurgeTheUrge likes this.
  12. PurgeTheUrge

    PurgeTheUrge Fapstronaut

    Hey NVG,
    Your request for tips on how to never relapse again is a tough one.
    I've been in therapy for sex related issues for eight years and I haven't come across one sure fire way to guarantee a relapse free life yet.
    What I have learned is that we can manage our lives in such a way as to greatly reduce the chances of a relapse. The problem for me here and now is that I know of no way to summarize what I've learned in 8 years. However, I'll give it a shot.
    I think the first thing to do is to learn to be aware of your emotional state at all times. We're most likely to return to our addictions during times of stress, boredom, loneliness,
    emotional distress (anger for example), fatigue, or any other state that causes us to want to feel better.
    When we're in any of those states we naturally want to change them and our brains know exactly how do that based on past experience.
    Think back on how you were feeling when you went to a porn site after you'd realized you had a problem with porn and were determined to 'clean up' and be free of porn.
    Another thing to do is to make a list of reasons why you want to be free. You've already listed a couple, a better job, financial security... add a few more such as increased self-esteem, freedom from others learning about what you're hiding, self-mastery, confidence...
    In your imagination see yourself in a negative state. Imagine yourself thinking of going to a porn site and doing what you might do in preparation to visit that site, think of how good you'll feel after you log in and begin your hunt for the video you'll use to get 'high' on. Then just before you hit that enter key switch your fantasy, then...
    Envision the negative consequences of a life in which you continue your indulgence in P addiction. What would that look like for you? Go to extremes with this. What could be the worst possible outcome for yourself? Where will this addiction lead you? Will it lead to a life of loneliness and desperation? A life of penury because you squandered all your hard earned money on smut?
    Next, imagine the rewards of not indulging your addiction. What would be the benefits to you with a life of freedom? A better job, increased social interaction, self-esteem, a new and better life for you and your family, more money in the bank and a good financial future with the ability to retire and enjoy your golden years without worrying about $...
    These are tools I've found to be essential to my freedom from P and addiction.
    You're young and have a lifetime ahead of you. Start now and you'll be well rewarded for your efforts.
    This isn't an easy thing to do for anyone. It takes a lot of effort and self examination. This is difficult. We don't want to go into those dark recesses and visit the pain and emotional turmoil that have led us into addiction, but it is necessary to recovery.
    I would strongly recommend that you consider professional therapy with a therapist using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy(CBT) in a group setting. NoFap is a great and valuable resource for help and peer support but face to face interaction with a group of like-minded people is invaluable to recovery. If you can't afford, or don't want a trained therapist then SA or SAA would be a good alternative.
    I hope what I've written here makes sense and is useful to you.
    Please feel free to ask any questions, or for clarification if you don't understand anything I've written. I'll be glad to help in any way I can.
    Good luck to you my friend.
  13. Napav

    Napav Fapstronaut

  14. DesRevived

    DesRevived Fapstronaut

    Follow the Japanese concept of Ikigai:

    Ikigai - A Japanese concept that means "a reason for being." The word "ikigai" is usually used to indicate the source of value in one's life or the things that make one's life worthwhile.

    To find your Ikigai, take out a piece of paper or a notebook and answer all these questions, brain dump as hard as you can:
    • What do you love?
    • What am I'm good at?
    • What can you be paid for?
    • What does the world need?
    I personally found my Ikigai after writing as many answers as I can. Don't forget to update your Ikigai because it can change overtime.

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