Hey there! I'm a 29yo man happily married to a woman and I was sexually driven by gay porn from time to time. Actually, it was 90% gay porn that I used for fapping in the last nearly 15 years.... (I want to stop that, so that's the reason why I'm here... Today, I'm on day 28 without P!) The "gay-affinity" began also to slop over in my "real life" in the past years: When I saw other men in the shower etc. I was looking. I gave that a lot of thought and came to the conclusion, that I compare myself to these other men. Obviously, some of them are hot - but I really don't wanna get unfaithful or start any encounters... I just compare me, check, if they check me out (what feels like self-esteem-boost), to somehow determine my market value. I really am not that satisfied with my body either (it's ok, but could be improved) and think, that I struggle to find my spot in "a man's world." Part of that experience is my inability to grow a beard - that quite burdens me since I feel that it's a visible sign that still puts me with one foot in puberty and gets in the way of being seen as a "real" man. Any similar feelings around here?
You raise interesting questions! On the issue of new & unwelcome porn-related homosexual interests in guys that previously thought of themselves as strictly hetero, you will find a surprising number of posts and streams in the mainstream hetero forums on this site. If you search the Porn Addictions forum, for instance, you'll find quite a few. They're not presented under the heading "bisexual" as you do, more as homo versus hetero, and the discussions are not always pleasant, but in my view, it's worth a look!
Yeah, I stated this myself - and find it quite interesting to see how people are dealing with it differently. I'd also appreciate your answers to my "interesting questions"
This is really interesting because I have asked myself the question am I gay or not. I also enjoy looking at soft porn mainly males but I have no desire to be in a relationship. The question is why I enjoy looking at them naked either in the internet of at the gym. I do not think I am bisexual however there is a strong desire to look at them. I like women but when I get into the internet I rather look at males than females. Do I like this ambivalence? of course not but it is puzzling.
Yeah, I can relate to this very much - and troubling about the most is the fact that we can't explain it to ourselfs... and there's guilty conscious, there's insecurity, there's doubt... I wouldn't picture myself in a gay relationship either but male bodies, bulges, beards... Would like to know, if you've come across any other thoughts regarding this topic. Are you in a relationship? And btw: Congrats on 71 PMO-free days! That's fantastic!
I have never talked to anyone about it and it really feels good that I am not the only one. And guess what I am 67, never been into any relationship and you don't know how much it bugs me to feel this way. I also enjoy looking at beards, bulges and penis, but that is just about it. I would not dream of doing anything with them BUT why do I really get such a good feeling from looking. After all I have the same.. is not like I don't have a package .. but why. Please.. who can we ask?
I know, it's a stupid question and every time it's asked on this forum, my mind goes "come on, where all different, you shall not pigeonhole us" - but: Why don't you consider yourself as gay or even as bi? I asked myself this a lot and think, it's a mix from social input in my youth, my own moral concept, the wish of having a family, expectations... and still, these categories won't comprehend it correctly. For me, one point "on top" is that I don't have this typical male behavior - something, I'm quite proud of! But the way I am, I stand out of the group of regular men - maybe I'm enjoying gay porn because I'm looking for a way to prove to myself, that I am -in fact- different. But this sureness doesn't always feel easy. P.S: Happy that you've found a place where you can talk! It's the 2nd best thing about NoFap for me (right after stopping to fap )
The uncertainty is what kills me. If I find someone who I can really trust (?) and tells me: you are gay! well I will accept it and probably that will be the end of the whole deal. But it is not going to be that easy. Also at my age, who cares.. I really except for my family. But to know for sure it take a big weight of my shoulders. All this comes because they only reason it bugs me it is because I do spend a lot of time browsing in the internet, looking at things that a normal male probably would not be looking at. Why??? Let say it is because I have a poor self image and I want to look at guys who are in excellent shape. Ever since I was a teenager I admired my brothers who had big muscles, nice pecs and tight ass. When did that admiration turned into something else to the point I consider myself addicted to porn. And by the way is looking at naked men Porn? I really don' t like to see them involved in sexual activities.. I just enjoy their bodies..and end up M.
Putting aside the question of gay-porn-intrusion, I personally look at bisexual maleness not as outwardly androgynous but simply as a non-binary internal stance in social context. Other may disagree, of course. If you ask me, bisexuality is latent in humans in general. Similarly, homosexuality does not seem primarily an external identity to me, but an internal one present in both the most butch and the most effeminate of guys. Completely successful effeminate husbands exist, though popular attitudes may find that cognitively dissonant. So while I understand the impulse to draw biological conclusions based on socio-cultural norms, having lived in far-flung cultures, I cannot say that I give the hypothesis of their bio-neurological link much credence. A macho Nigerian man of a certain class would not dream, for instance, of going through life _without_ pedicured feet -- for cultural reasons, while in another culture and class male pedicures could be interpreted as way gay (or, to use your analogy, at least highly bi). In short, while I appreciate the impulse to draw neurological connections between externals as, say, the presence or absence of a beard on a man's face I think they are unlikely to have a basis in reality other than in cultural attitudes. Even as being a taller man does not make one more masculine, being shorter does not "make" one a gay passive, being Asian doesn't make one good at math, etc. To the extent that you're bi (or not), I personally doubt that it has anything real to do with appearance.
Hey, Incredulo! So glad this thread is starting to percolate! For what it's worth, I do not see what you describe as "ambivalence" but rather as a certain level of attraction to human beings, male and female, but in somewhat different ways (which makes sense, since they're somewhat different creatures anyway, including in their social and personal relationship to us, oftentimes.) By the way, even though male-male physical admiration always has a (covert) sexual element to me, even in the most self-professed heteros, since we're all too perpetually sexual to turn it off, you do not sound "gay" nor even particularly "bi" to me. Of course, I'm no authority. But if Kinsey were around to run more tests, you'd possibly score in the low-to-mid-somewhat-bi category (before the level at which one wants/needs to act out), I'd wager. If one thus allows for a more fluid, less binary, polarized view of attraction, one can potentially accommodate all these shadings under the same roof, so to speak. No need to object for social, ideological or religious reasons, for to acknowledge some measure of attraction to both genders, still allows you to stigmatize any kind of action or relationship you do not care for; only difference is, you've made progress towards resolving the quandary of identity. Just a thought (or two)! Peace!
I was thinking about it this morning and considering myself a lover of art it seems like I can appreciate the beauty of both sexes and enjoy looking at both immensely. Just as much I thoroughly enjoy looking at a beautiful woman and can also spend long time looking at the beauty of the male body. Thank you for your thoughts. Food for thought.
Great! I just remembered. Once I was driving through France and this way macho guy came on a radio talk show (all radio seems to be talk radio in France; the French are incurably talkative!), declaring that in his view he was not the slightest bit gay and loved women including physically but that he had always considered the male body better looking, from a design viewpoint. No doubt a controversial statement, but I thought I'd share, in this context. Ciao!
That might be one reason why I miss GAY porn so much more than heterosexual P in my (today) first month of abstinence from p. Might be habit as well...
EL88, I'm in a similar boat to you although I've accepted that i enjoy the sexual part of being with a man. I am in a mf relationship and am not interested in a mm relationship, i just enjoy the sexual side of being with a man. I prefer the term 'sexually fluid' for me. It took me a long time to accept that part of me having grown up in a small town when being gay wasn't popular, and some of those feelings are still inside me but moreso i accept how i feel and what turns me on/i enjoy. I prefer gay porn to hetro, but i've now quit all of it so we'll see how it goes!
I'm late to this show guys, but I really appreciated reading this thread. I think @Jimminy22 communicated more straightforward how I've felt with hookups, so far just sexually with men, and yet the relationship difference thing. Totally with you.
Married guy here but also find the male body sexually arousing. Had some sexual experiences with older kids growing up which may explain some of my feelings.
lately i havent had the urge to look at any gay type porn i havent had the urge to look at other men sexually as much but what i realize is being aroused ,your sexual energy is heightened another form of energy so if both sexes arouse you then you have more opportunity for a energy increase,i try see things positively i dont plan on sexing other men i may think about it here an there but thats it,i only need 6-7 hours of sleep i just have to much energy sometimes,in my past in my fapping days i needed 10-12 hrs
If you’re not having sex with men and don’t want it you’re not gay or bi. If you never went fishing can you call yourself a fisherman? I think most fascination with the male body is about affirmation and insecurity. Like you say, comparing your manliness to another man. So much of that insecurity for me comes from my relationship to my dad(a manly man) and always wanting affirmation from him plus sexual abuse by a man when I was a teen. He made me feel validated, handsome, talented. It was all part of his grooming. I wish my dad had done this for me.
