06/30 done. Cold shower yesterday, done. Feeling unsure about today. Not in a temptation for porn (yet), but today is a big crossroads moment for my marriage. Our therapy appointment today could be the moment she decides to commit to staying and us working towards reconnecting and reconciling, or she decides to walk away entirely. And I’m terrified that’s she’s going to walk away. And I’m also terrified that if she walks - even though I desperately want to find sobriety for myself beyond just saving our marriage - but if she walks, I’m going to feel hopeless about everything for a bit. And that’s usually a recipe for my relapses. I think I am in a good place to prevent that. I have covenant eyes on my laptop and screen restrictions on my phone, and I can’t change those. And those are the only devices I have on hand. But metaphorically, fences keep you from accidentally falling in the Grand Canyon. If I decide I want to jump, no fence is going to stop me. I am praying I have the strength and the resilience to get through today, no matter how emotionally taxing therapy is. I will not stop. I will beat this. The Holy Spirit doesn’t lie.
Day 07/30 done!! One full week streak!! (And also, cold shower yesterday, done.) Also, contextually, my wife and I are still married for now. We decided on a definite time frame - 90 days - for our separation to work on ourselves. While I’m sad to be separated for that long, having that time to heal, and demonstrate my commitment to healing to her, is absolutely necessary. I’m glad I’m getting this time. I am going to find sobriety from porn. I am going to beat this. 7 days down. One challenge at a time. Cold shower update: don’t know if I caught a cold or my allergies are flaring up. My nose is killing me lol. Wondering if I should hit pause on taking a cold shower until I physically feel slightly more normal. Thoughts?
13/30 days done. I feel more confident about being able to do NoFap, but see the danger of getting too comfortable. The last 1-2 days I was a bit loose with my new habits (meditations, etc.) and I need to stick with them to be successful with NoFap in the long term.
I had the same problem a week ago or so and decided to not take cold showers when sick. It is supposed to boost the immune system, but it is a stressor for the body. So, I guess it is good for prevention or when you start to feel the first signs of sickness, but not that good for recovery. Likely there are other opinions about that. And I cross the fingers that everything will work out with your wife!
0/30 Starting over once more. I thought I could get away with just using dating apps "for a little bit" without spiraling into porn use. I was wrong. No more using them in any capacity for the next thirty days.
Day 08/30 done!! Taking a pause on cold showers till I feel a bit more physically up to the task. Hoping to restart tomorrow or Monday morning, but we shall see. I refuse to drop them entirely, though. They have been instrumental in helping my fight these past 8 days.
14/30 days done! That’s two weeks and I am very happy with that. Yesterday I was startled, because I realized that my libido is close to non-existent. I went out with a friend at night and I had such an indifference towards women it was crazy. It felt horrible and later at home I read about flatline. I always thought that it is more like a depression, but it seems that loss of libido is the central aspect. I guess that’s what I am experiencing since a couple of days now. I cried and I am very frustrated and angry and now even more determined to beat the addiction. I didn’t think that was even possible and not one second I thought about relapsing. I feel like one of the dwarves or like Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit on the way to the Lonely Mountain. Going back to the Shire is just not an option, it does not make sense. PMO took so much from me, like Smaug took the kingdom of the dwarves. I will keep going, just because there is no other way.
