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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by Philosophical_Dad, Oct 11, 2019.
Daily check-in, on day 5.
Checkin' in, on day 6!
Still trying to to start the challenge.
I have had many relapses recently and that is due to a lack of commitment and self decieving. I assume that the fact that I watch erotic videos only a couple of minutes has given me the impression that it's pretty harmless untill I realised it has turned to an almost a daily thing.
I am tired of dealing with self shaming and want to end it ASAP.
Nice one, dude! Six days porn free feels good, doesn't it?
Have you explored any techniques for avoiding relapses?
One thing I'm interested in exploring further is "implementation intentions": https://daringtolivefully.com/implementation-intentions
Seems like a fairly science-based approach.
If I may offer some unsolicited advice (much of which you've probably thought of, but just in case):
- keep in mind that we're all different. Our brains come with different capacities for self-regulation, different sensitivities to sexual stimulation, etc.
- Keep trying different techniques and strategies. My impression is that relying on pure willpower doesn't generally work. It's never worked for me. Posting every day in this thread is one technique. But maybe there are others that would work better for you. Keep exploring.
- For me, personally, self-shaming doesn't help. I'm better off honestly, but not too judgmentally, acknowledging where I'm falling short and focusing on solutions.
- Have realistic expectations. If you can cut down on the frequency of your relapses, and use porn less and less, that's pretty great! You can recognize that there's still room for improvement without making it a false dichotomy between perfect success or total failure.
Good luck! Hang in there! You can do it.
I guess. I'm not gonna lie, feels kinda the same as zero. Interesting though, you saying this made me think; maybe my expectations are just too high for myself, I gotta be more grateful for every new day I add to the count, cos there used to be days where I could not go for even 24h. Sigh, some gratitude would probably benefit me. Cheers man!
Yeah, before I started this I was watching porn probably 5-6 days/week and often more than once per day.
The benefits to me, personally, have been better use of my time and better sex with my wife. I'm not sure I believe giving up porn significantly "re-wires" your brain. (Though I do think it's a habit that can be broken and I guess you can call that "re-wiring.") I'm also not sure NoFap's "superpowers" terminology is helpful. But better use of time and better sex are pretty huge benefits.
Do you feel you've been able to use the time you would have spent on porn well? If you haven't already, maybe try combining abstinence from porn with a strategy to do the things most relevant to your goals or that make you happiest? I'm also doing a "no screens after 6 p.m." challenge and that's further helped me use my time on the things I value. In particular, I've spent more time on work, sleep, cleaning, and organizing instead of getting sucked into YouTube, porn, or, as my friend once put it, "browsing the net in despair." (Wish I could say some of that time has gone to hanging with friends. But having a 15 month-old really cramps your social life.)
Daily check-in, on day 7.
Ha, not really. It all just goes to Youtube at this point.
Yea man, I need to get some of these strategies going for sure. I think for now what's best for me is to kind of gain some momentum and get used to abstinence a little bit before taking on too much other challenges. I'm messing with water fasting now, that alone takes enough of a toll on my Prefrontal Cortex. But limiting online time is definitely something I will look into.
Cool. Water fasting sounds intense. I did Longo's "fast mimic" program last year and it was intense. Can't imagine nothing but water.
Regarding YouTube: you know your brain better than me. But what I've found is that stuff like YouTube, that seems like it will provide some kind of comfort or relaxation, actually doesn't, at least, not if it's getting us hooked. I wonder if shifting more of the time that you had been spending on porn onto activities that you really enjoy or value would make the process easier or feel more worthwhile?
Just something to consider. Again, you know your brain better than I do. And I definitely get not wanting to have to fight against another habit.
Daily check-in, on day 8!
No yea man, too much Youtube is definitely not good for me. You speak the truth. But it's better that that other tube, yanamsayin'? I'm thinking to soon start replacing some of that time with reading some books more again.
Do I ever know what you mean... unfortunately...
Daily check-in, on day 9!
I feel like this is getting easier. In the last 25 days, the only porn I've looked at is a colleague's professional profile pic. I kind of feel like some of my old habits are dissolving. The thought of porn isn't coming to me as much when I see a computer. I also think I might feel less sexually "entitled"; if my wife turns me down, I don't feel like I have an easy backup plan waiting, so, since I plan to try again the next day, I can't be a dick.
Can't say I miss porn at all. I mean, I'm sure I'll feel tempted again. But I don't feel in the least conflicted about whether I'm missing out on anything worthwhile.