31 YEAR OLD, MALE, SOUTH AFRICA

D

Duffman@1

Fapstronaut
I am an Afrikaans male from South Africa, I started to watch porn in primary school when i was about 11 or 12. Since then i never stopped. During my varsity days, it got worse. living on your own, watching porn and masturbating.

I am married for 5 years now. I have a wonderful and attractive wife, but, somehow, i prefer to watch porn and masturbate 2- 3 times a day, even at work.

This has become a problem. my dear wife does not have a clue about my addiction, and i know, if i tell her, it will really make things even worse.

In fact, nobody that knows me, knows about this addiction. I am also a dad, to a wonderful son of 3 years old.

we are trying for baby number 2, but it is not happening. Can it be because i waste my sperm every time i masturbate?

I also struggle to keep erection thru intercourse.

I REALLY want to reboot, and just be normal again without the constant urge to watch porn.

As a safety measure to help me, i have installed cold turkey on my laptop, which block all those pesky site i cant stop to visit, and I had my last porn and masturbation session on Sunday the 9th of September.

I feel okay, but when i am alone (in the mornings before work, or when my wife is at the gym, or at work, in my office) i feel weird, and as if something is missing.

The endless porn watching REALLY took its toll on my over the years. I just see a woman in the street, and i think of a scene that i once saw, or i am camping and think of a camping scene and and and.

Is it even possible to ever be normal again? Can this habit be broken?

The watching of porn makes you think that sex with your wife also needs to be like that, and the whole "anal" genre made me want it more and more from my wife.

I am a bad husband for cheating my wife with this shit.

I once visited a prostitute during the day, to try and furfill my porn fantasy that i saw on the internet.

I cant go on like this.
 
Yeah, good mate. First couple of weeks can be tough, and then the pressure starts to ease off.
Don't believe the hype about gaining "superpowers" or anything like that, but if you use the time you would have used more positively, good things happen.

You don't feel shame and guilt all the time. And it's amazing how much mental energy that, and lying take up.
Make positive life choices, exercise more, eat better and things will improve. If you're interested, check out my journal here – I have good days and bad days, but I've learned a thing or two on my journey (this is actually my second spell at NoFap).
 
It is absolutely possible to be normal again. You've already taken the first step now! Learning about the common withdrawal symptoms that accompany quitting PMO really helps. While it can be hard to rationalize and talk oneself out of PMO in in the moment when temptation strikes, I have noticed that being aware of how the brain works can make a huge difference. It enables one to observe the temptation objectively, weaken it and ultimately see it pass. It's also about building new positive habits to replace the old unhealthy ones. There's a wealth of information on the website that should help on all these aspects. Wishing you good luck mate! You can do this!
 
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