35 and Older Accountability Group

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by artifact, Nov 24, 2018.

  1. Timber

    Timber Fapstronaut

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    “That’s are really good excuse to fap! That will show her!” - that’s how I used to think not very long ago.

    I hope you patched it up quick and didn’t relapse, wolf!
     
    Wolf2019 and discovery like this.
  2. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    I probably should throw this in my journal but it was a big day when I realized how many stupid excuses I’d make like that.

    if I relapse, it’s on me.
     
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  3. Circleinthesquare

    Circleinthesquare Fapstronaut

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    Feeling pleased today as I have hit double figures. Couple of times I've thought of P and M because of a trigger but pulled myself back...
     
    artifact, Wolf2019, discovery and 2 others like this.
  4. Rebooter13

    Rebooter13 Fapstronaut

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    You are here now you are propably safe ;)
     
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  5. EcoMunchies

    EcoMunchies Fapstronaut

    Checking in. Still fighting the good fight! Training for a half marathon is my escape, along with meditation! Keep it going guys, it’s worth it!
     
    persona2903, Timber, artifact and 3 others like this.
  6. discovery

    discovery Fapstronaut

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    lol no worries man!
    Keep doing what you're doing, and you're gonna be fine.
     
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  7. Wolf2019

    Wolf2019 Fapstronaut

    Thanks, yes we metaphorically duct-taped our relationship back together. I sort-of apologized, she sort-of accepted my apology, we sort-of moved on. And I uncharacteristically decided that engaging in PMO would not make an already difficult situation better, so I still have my little baby 3-day mini-streak going.
     
  8. 30 days no PMO for me today, feeling great. I know the next 30 won't be easy so I need to stay vigilant and not be over-confident.
     
  9. @crazyaf - we have an opening for you in the group. Please reply to this comment if you are still interested in joining.
     
    crazyaf likes this.
  10. Timber

    Timber Fapstronaut

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    nicely done! It takes a lot of effort to get where you are!
     
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  11. Timber

    Timber Fapstronaut

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    My wife and I had a “scheduled” sex night last night but she felt flat and I felt flat (although I did not admit it) as well as frustrated that she did not really want to try. We ended up cuddling and talking. She is feeling vulnerable and sad these days - maternity leave can be isolating. The “night” was rescheduled. Afterwards I had very vivid non-sexual dreams and woke up super horny with vivid sexual images in my head. It would have been so easy to jerk off there and then, and move on.

    I observed my evening and morning experiences. Sexuality asserts itself as a separate entity outside of a loving and committed relationship. it seems that P and M can particularly cut in-between me and my partner. Instead of searching for the inspiration, the spark, I’m ready to settle for a quick fix and move on. But I am not going to settle for quick fixes anymore. Time to prep the shit out of our date night!
     
  12. Strong Work. The days won't all be easy but you know you can do it. Stay alert and get through each day. Time goes fast, as we know.
     
  13. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    I made a list of my triggers last night. Feeling really good about where I’m at with PM made my list lol.

    Congrats on the success. Here’s to 30 more days!
     
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  14. discovery

    discovery Fapstronaut

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    Congrats man! Keep it up.
     
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  15. Circleinthesquare

    Circleinthesquare Fapstronaut

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    feeling good tonight - keeping busy and acknowledging the triggers.....
     
  16. Wolf2019

    Wolf2019 Fapstronaut

    @discovery congratulations on reaching 74 days! I remember earlier on here it seemed like you and I and some others were hanging out near the bottom of the list for a long time and now you've made it solidly into the top tier. I wanted to know what has made the turnaround for you? How did you break through the barrier of a week or two to push on all the way past two months? Thanks for sharing your insights.
     
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  17. NICEDUDE

    NICEDUDE Fapstronaut

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    Remarkable indeed for doing it on hard mode!!!
     
  18. crazyaf

    crazyaf Fapstronaut

    Yes, I am interested.
     
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  19. Circleinthesquare

    Circleinthesquare Fapstronaut

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    Feeling very tired and stressed at the moment - my shoulder is hurting on and off as well, but staying on the straight and narra....
     
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  20. discovery

    discovery Fapstronaut

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    Hey man! Thanks, that means a lot to me. Well, I've mentioned these things before, but not all together in the same place. So here goes.
    • The first thing I did was create a yearly calendar where I had to keep track of every slip-up, as well as add up totals each month and cumulative totals for the year. It starts Oct. 8, 2019 at 2:30am American EST and will end at the exact same date and time in 2020, where I will begin a new calendar. At about 2:30am on Oct. 8, (I don't know the exact minute) I finally got off to webcam girls after spending like 2 hours or more trying to get off and not being able to. I was super tired and needed to sleep, but it was impossible to just stop until I got off, which I just couldn't do. The whole experience was miserable. But I was locked in and could not stop until I got off. When I finally did get off, I felt no joy. It was just permission for me to finally go to sleep. This horrible experience was a very clear wake up call that I needed to get past porn. Even if I still M'd, I needed to get past porn. So creating the calendar was the first step. The calendar makes me accountable, and is especially important when it comes to relapse binging. One of the reasons binging is so easy to do when you are focused on streaks is that it doesn't effect your streak. If you are on zero and go a second time, and a third, you are still at zero regardless of the number. The calendar helps offset this.
    • Next, my main focus was to eliminate porn. Of course, I was still working on eliminating M, but porn was the more important thing. If I M'd, but it wasn't to porn, I was still doing well. It was an important stepping stone. In the first 40 days of being porn-free, I M'd 12 times. But I was staying away from porn. M'ing started to become something that I just did for release, and not something that was drawn out forever to keep the chemicals flowing. When it happened, it was quick and to the point. Decreasing the intensity of M was important to being able to give it up long-term.
    • As far as giving up porn itself, it was a combination of the shock of the shitty webcam experience, wanting to stick to the calendar (where I count P and M as separate slips- so if I PMO once, it counts as 2 slips, not one) and the Art Visualization technique that I've outlined in a separate thread. The AV (not to be confused with the other AV.. man I really need to think of a new name for it lol) is great for 'filling the emotional holes' that porn is usually used for. It gets the happy chemicals flowing in a very positive, healthy way. I still get the urge every now and then to check my favorite porn site 'for old times sake', but its never a strong urge, and easy to resist. The AV has a lot to do with that.
    • The See the World Challenge deserves an honorable mention. It's fun to know that in just 5 days or whatever I'll be able to visit a new country, and if I watched porn, I would have to wait the full 10 days again. I do have the long term goal of finishing the entire list after 5 years, and being able to say that I've spent a significant amount of time learning about every country in the world.
    So for you specifically Wolf, going by my own experience, I would recommend:
    1. Starting a calendar. Recording every slip, and updating your data on the exact date of your starting point every month. Since you are on Day 5 now, I would start it from the minute after your last slip 5 days ago to get a head start.
    2. Leave your phone out of the bathroom. Stay away from the screen. When you need to M, go ahead, but only to your imagination. Don't worry so much about giving up M for the moment, as long as its without P. It's a stepping stone to giving it up permanently.
    3. Take a look at my AV thread. Give it a try. Or find something else that can ease you emotionally that is healthy when you need that fix.
    4. Keep checking in every 10 days so I can update the Travel Board!
    You're a fighter Wolf and you will nail this. Just keep trying new strategies until you find something that works.
     

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