365 + 8 Days sorta-CLEAN streak

This is an update of my nofap journey. Last relapse January 20 2023

I have changed into a completely new person, I know that's what most people probably think anyways after a full year of abstinence but it wasn't tedious like doing the same amount of exercise everyday. I had some ups and downs but I never willfully brought myself down to relapse. To be real, I don't feel the irrational fears and anxious way of thinking anymore, it's just gone.

This lets me enjoy life and see joy in presence. Not looking towards something pleasurable in the future, not peeking back into the past for something pleasurable that I needed to replicate in the Now. I starved the demon in my mind and I don't get the itches, urges or anything.

It took a lot of conscious effort to remind myself that every thought leading towards a relapse is a lie. It's like some unconscious strings pulling you and there's an unconscious side of you that feels like there's truth to meaningless pleasure that only brings pain and fears afterwards.

TLDR: How It felt like I changed, became a new person and I don't miss porn at all in my life.

I had a lot of wet dreams and sometimes I ached PMO in this period, but during this time, especially when I started training seriously my nasty old fetishes just left, and I had my natural attraction to normal women back. After some time, wet dreams didn't have an effect on me.

Back when I was fresh on nofap a wet dream would set me back 1-3 days maximum, but usually just a day, but recently I just realized that I don't have that drawback anymore. I also realized that when I can remember myself in this dream seeing erotic material and feel myself climaxing that I did experience drawbacks, other times when I didn't have any dreams but just woke up with stains in my boxers I didn't notice any drawbacks.

Also I noticed that when I had to have a wet dream a day it had a completely different texture and scent than if I PMO'd, I think this is a sign that my body is getting rid of old semen after sperm has been absorbed. I also had more wet dreams if I ate something artifically made like frozen pizza or sweets before bed.

TLDR: wet dreams didnt have an effect on me, except when I had erotic dreams.


EDGING: I didn't count how many times I edged but soon I didn't feel urges to return to my old pornographic material. Sure that's not a good reason to watch it though, but after a while after I just didn't feel the dopamine hit while watching porn. The dopamine high just worn off after my brain probably forgot what it was like to PMO anyway.

Edging probably set me back for about 1-2 days maximum, when I was training It was probably half a day but every session lead me to the conclusion that it wasn't even necessary to begin with.

 

I also didn't catch any illnesses for a long time.