75 days in hard mode: the good, the bad, and I don't know

Hard mode, no PMO or sex.

It's been super easy, only had 1 moment where I felt like MOing when I couldn't sleep. This streak is easy as my orgasms have been so so shit and underwhelming for years that it's finally got to the why even bother stage...

I'm 35 guys. One day, if it hasn't yet, you will feel sick to your stomach that you watch porn while your life isn't quite going to plan. You realise that this is even bigger of a problem than you thought.

So that's why I say it's easy. I'm too busy trying to improve my life that I don't have time to watch porn. It literally makes your life worse, fast.

So let's get into it.

The bad:

• Had some out-of-this-world anxiety, and that's saying something for me. Honestly it's been hard to go outside some days.
• Rough flatline, didn't feel a thing for about 3 weeks
• Still not that confident sex would go well
• Truly felt like my willy was going to fall off from ampathy

The good:

• Felt sharper
• Morning wood every day – I'd rate 6 or 7 out of 10
• I've had a libido about 10% of the time, but the arousal is in the mind, not so much the pecker (by far shreds of libido coming back is the best part of this so far. Honestly thought that was gone forever)
• I've raised my standards. I've accepted that life is hard, and PMO, beer and what not are only going to slow me down. I won't get away with them – they will have an effect
• "Average" women look very attractive

The not sure:

• I'm much more aggressive. I'm swearing more and have a really low tolerance for anything annoying. My standards have raised and I feel like I'm working through a big backlog of bullshit to carve out a much better life.
• Everyone's looking at me man. Men, women, dogs, fish. I feel on display wherever I go.
• Men aren't being as nice to me! This might be in my head but people used to be friendlier but lately men are walking really close to me in the street – I swear they are doing it on purpose. I think it's because I've put some weight on and they are seizing me up! I'm no longer a skinny harmless man
• Been crying every day for the last 3 weeks, sporting achievements keep setting me off. I can't tell whether it's just because I'm sad (which I am) or whether I am letting go of some trauma that I buried since I was a kid. Crying feels so good though. I feel 1% lighter after a cry.
• My memory is insane (though it was always good) I'm pissing people off at work as I'm the only one that remembers conversations and asana comments from weeks ago. It's pissing people off that I'm being treated like a project manager because everyone else is working at half my pace (cuz they are drinking every night and probably wanking a lot!!!). It's getting a bit uncomfortable. I am too fast for a big organisation!
• I have so much empathy. There's an incredibly sweet old man that works at a supermarket and I keep walking past him. I saw him sitting on a wall by himself and I just wanted to cry for him. He just looked too sweet and innocent for this world I want to protect him from all the harm in it

The plan:

• Keep going until I reach 5 months. I'm going to start dating in a few weeks once I've moved house
• If I fancy a MO on day 90, whatever. I might just to see how it feels
• Don't think about it too much. I have a lot going on at work and I just want to earn more money to buy a house

Hope you found some of this helpful. Though things aren't great at the minute, I know they would be worse if I was PMOing.