Relapsed again. This one and the one from last week were very clearly stress related, not being able to cope with how busy and unfocused my work is at the moment. I could see both relapses coming very clearly: I knew that the way I was dealing with the stress throughout the day - basically panicking more and more - was going to put me in a place where I would at some point run towards the thing that my brain thinks is the ultimate escape. This boils down to the thing I keep returning back to, which is that I not only need to un-train my brain to stop running to PM, but also to find better ways of dealing with stress and the relating anxiety and self-hatred. But this is easier said than done. Well, tomorrow will be better.