90-Day Challenge

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disenchantedbrony said:
Day 0... I haven’t done any exercise in a few days and I’ve been meditating less lately also. My two roommates went on vacation the other day so it’s just me and the dog and cat in the house for a couple of weeks. Yesterday I was drinking and playing music real loud while I cooked and was just enjoying having the house all to myself. Today though I felt really hungover and didn’t have to work or anything so I just watched TV all day. For some silly reason I was trying to think of this one pornstars name. I had just posted on this thread and thought hey why not look it up... Of course I wasn’t going to look at porn I told myself. I wasn't going to do anything but find out her name from IMDb and be satisfied with that. I couldn’t find it and searched more until pretty soon I was on an actual porn site looking through thumbnails and titles of videos. At this point I could feel the dopamine flooding my brain and I just gave in without thinking much more.
The funny thing is that I never even found out the name I was looking for! Why did I care anyway? After this relapse I’m reminded yet again that PMO is not something I want in my life. It’s merely a crutch that I’ve used for 20 years. I don’t need it anymore and I don’t want it. All I have to do is keep learning how to live without it. Next time I’m thinking this way I’ll know how to avoid tricking myself. I learned that I can’t neglect my exercise and meditation routines because they help me to stay grounded and aware of my emotions and state of mind. I can’t medicate myself with PMO anymore because it just doesn’t work.
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Learn from your mistakes, you just need to look at where you went wrong and take precautionary steps to avoid the same situation.

It's good though that you didnt give up hope
 
Day 25/90

While I have been going on hard mode now for 25 days, I've been practicing non-ejaculation on and off these past two years. Currently I haven't ejaculated since January 5th. Today I felt like I was about to leak semen at any moment. But nothing happened. I have been doing Kegels and reverse Kegels. I hope I'm doing it right. Does anybody have a link to proper steps to do it. There's just so much info on this forum to wade through.
 
disenchantedbrony said:
Day 0... I haven’t done any exercise in a few days and I’ve been meditating less lately also. My two roommates went on vacation the other day so it’s just me and the dog and cat in the house for a couple of weeks. Yesterday I was drinking and playing music real loud while I cooked and was just enjoying having the house all to myself. Today though I felt really hungover and didn’t have to work or anything so I just watched TV all day. For some silly reason I was trying to think of this one pornstars name. I had just posted on this thread and thought hey why not look it up... Of course I wasn’t going to look at porn I told myself. I wasn't going to do anything but find out her name from IMDb and be satisfied with that. I couldn’t find it and searched more until pretty soon I was on an actual porn site looking through thumbnails and titles of videos. At this point I could feel the dopamine flooding my brain and I just gave in without thinking much more.
The funny thing is that I never even found out the name I was looking for! Why did I care anyway? After this relapse I’m reminded yet again that PMO is not something I want in my life. It’s merely a crutch that I’ve used for 20 years. I don’t need it anymore and I don’t want it. All I have to do is keep learning how to live without it. Next time I’m thinking this way I’ll know how to avoid tricking myself. I learned that I can’t neglect my exercise and meditation routines because they help me to stay grounded and aware of my emotions and state of mind. I can’t medicate myself with PMO anymore because it just doesn’t work.
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Same thing happens to myself. I told myself that I just want to see this girl. End up watching P and not even search for her name. The rest of history you know LOL It is just a ticket to hell.
 
Back on track after the first day, I am relaxing and oh hell no the urge is there. I know I need to live with it. it is always there. Nothing you can do about. Just focus on something else. I believe in myself. I know my future will be bright without PMO.
 
Today, I had a lot of energy. I felt like a man. Now I know why I was tired all the time. The testosterone level was low. Taking cold shower have me the courage to talk a girl that I like. I stop giving myself stupid reasons. Do it and figure out how to talk later. I have the urge right now. But I figure out. If everytime I have a urge, I should write something. I want a better life.
 
I lied to myself yesterday. I let myself down yesterday. My conscience told me not to do it and I go ahead and do it. Now I feel how stupid I am. I dont know how many time I have told myself that I need to take NOFAP more seriously. I need to be stricter to myself not to look at pictures of girls or have a thought of it at all because the rule get loose. The PMO creeps in. I am so vulnerable. I need to be protected. I need to understand. I am a amateur in controlling my will. I can not get loose. I am so vulnerable to PMO. Even if I watch a movie with a little bit of sexual in it, the urge is so strong that I can not even beat it. I need to make the rule strict. if I see a movie and there is a sence that cause the urge or a picture or a though anything in the world that cause me to have an urge, then I need to get the hell of there, before it is too late. You dont have the strength to fight with it. You have a weak troop now. fight like a guerrilla troop. hit and run. Now I am vulnerable. If you know yourself and enemies, you fight 100 battles, you win all of them. if I saw anything- image, movie, thought, ... cause the urge, then I need to get the hell out of there. I dont want to ever go to restaurant and look at other people it while I am hungry, I want to order it for myself. Easy way is for a wimp, Hard way is for a man. Start it from the bottom. Never give up. Invest in myself.

 
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