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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by Deleted Account, Mar 19, 2019.
Day 15/90 complete
Find the meaning of life.
0/90 no PMO
Day 0... I haven’t done any exercise in a few days and I’ve been meditating less lately also. My two roommates went on vacation the other day so it’s just me and the dog and cat in the house for a couple of weeks. Yesterday I was drinking and playing music real loud while I cooked and was just enjoying having the house all to myself. Today though I felt really hungover and didn’t have to work or anything so I just watched TV all day. For some silly reason I was trying to think of this one pornstars name. I had just posted on this thread and thought hey why not look it up... Of course I wasn’t going to look at porn I told myself. I wasn't going to do anything but find out her name from IMDb and be satisfied with that. I couldn’t find it and searched more until pretty soon I was on an actual porn site looking through thumbnails and titles of videos. At this point I could feel the dopamine flooding my brain and I just gave in without thinking much more.
The funny thing is that I never even found out the name I was looking for! Why did I care anyway? After this relapse I’m reminded yet again that PMO is not something I want in my life. It’s merely a crutch that I’ve used for 20 years. I don’t need it anymore and I don’t want it. All I have to do is keep learning how to live without it. Next time I’m thinking this way I’ll know how to avoid tricking myself. I learned that I can’t neglect my exercise and meditation routines because they help me to stay grounded and aware of my emotions and state of mind. I can’t medicate myself with PMO anymore because it just doesn’t work.
4hrs away from 8/90
Yesterday was hard because GOT s8 ep1 came out.
Man that show doesnt know the meaning of subtlety. But anyway I soldiered and approaching day 8.
Learn from your mistakes, you just need to look at where you went wrong and take precautionary steps to avoid the same situation.
It's good though that you didnt give up hope
While I have been going on hard mode now for 25 days, I've been practicing non-ejaculation on and off these past two years. Currently I haven't ejaculated since January 5th. Today I felt like I was about to leak semen at any moment. But nothing happened. I have been doing Kegels and reverse Kegels. I hope I'm doing it right. Does anybody have a link to proper steps to do it. There's just so much info on this forum to wade through.
Same thing happens to myself. I told myself that I just want to see this girl. End up watching P and not even search for her name. The rest of history you know LOL It is just a ticket to hell.
I'm feeling optimistic.
Back on track after the first day, I am relaxing and oh hell no the urge is there. I know I need to live with it. it is always there. Nothing you can do about. Just focus on something else. I believe in myself. I know my future will be bright without PMO.
Today, I had a lot of energy. I felt like a man. Now I know why I was tired all the time. The testosterone level was low. Taking cold shower have me the courage to talk a girl that I like. I stop giving myself stupid reasons. Do it and figure out how to talk later. I have the urge right now. But I figure out. If everytime I have a urge, I should write something. I want a better life.
Day 0/90. Never tried such a long streak but I'm in. After 7 years of struggle against my crazy, destructive addiction, now it's time to choke it with all my efforts.
My strategy is to find my entertainment and emotional security in something else, instead of this shameful sh*t. Let's make it.