A girl and the need for an answer if i wasted my chance?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Abird, May 15, 2018.

  1. Abird

    Abird Fapstronaut

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    There is a girl I see twice a day mostly on Monday and Tuesday, but sometimes on Wednesday and once on Thursday. On those days I see her like 1-5 min.

    This started like 3 months ago. First I had some approach anixiety but I read alot about it. And it seems that Flirting and body language helps to get to know if you should approach or not.

    By not flirting with her for 3 months, but being very nervous that I forget everything. Is it weird to start flirting with her? I didn't do it for 3 months so out of no where starting to flirt is that weird? I still find it hard to remember the flirting things and body langues cues when I am around her.., but if i would start flirting would that be weird? Did i waste my chance by waiting so long?

    I would love to hear all your views and idea's!
     
  2. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Where do you see her and how exactly are you going to flirt without approaching her?

    It sounds like you're trying to find a way to make her desire you without any possibility of risk, rejection, or embarrassment on your part.

    Why can't you approach her? Why do you even like her? I'm guessing you barely know her.

    It's only weird because you feel weird about it.
     
  3. FX-05

    FX-05 Fapstronaut

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    Don't even think about engaging 'til you reach an (at least) 2 week streak, private.

    Otherwise, how do you spect to attract her if you lack the masculine hormones that will draw her attention? And even if she rejects you, you won't feel as bad as you'd feel now if she did, trust me.
     
  4. JustinX

    JustinX Fapstronaut

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    she knows you for 3 months, she knows your behavior, what are your reactions and interactions and suddenly you start to behave differently. That is totally inconsistent and it will be weird. She will think: What is he doing? Why did he wait so long if he was interested? Was he scared before to go for what he wants? What did change? Did he just read some pickup?

    Key thing to remember is that attraction diminishes with time (if no action is taken). 3 months is very long time particularly when you see her 2-3 times a week. If she is not extremely needy she moved you either to friends category or category "afraid to go for what he wants". Both are unattractive for women in terms of developing it further.

    And flirting is the seductive part. You can only use flirting if there is prior strong attraction. Flirting with somebody who is not attracted to you is just creepy. And there we are again - attraction diminishes with time.

    I would recommend to not see her for 3 months, work on yourself, practice having fun with other people men/women (because you want to have fun in your life), and when you will see her again after 3 months she will be like wow, he changed, there will be innitial attraction again and she will again need to sort you into some category. And since there is attraction, you showed that you are man who goes for what he wants (her) --> flirting, she can sort you this time into boyfriend category without any weirdness.
     
  5. Abird

    Abird Fapstronaut

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    You have something like making eye contact, smiles, etc. as non-verbal game and see how she reacts to it.
    This can give a first indication if a person likes you or not and if she is approachable.

    I see her on train station, sometimes I pass her when she is waiting, sometime im early and she isn't there yet.
    Also on the way back I take the same door to leave the train as she does. We both hurry to make it to the other side or another train will cross and you have to wait 5 min.
    After that she unlocks her bike in like 10 sec and is gone.

    I'm curious about other people view and if it is weird thing to do after 3 months seeing her. I like the shape of her face , her eyes,nose,month combined together, the tone of her voice. I know this is just a start, thats why I want to get to know her, but for that I need to make sure she wants that which got me to the question if that is weird after 3 months.

    Yea I reached a 2 week streak serval times.


    Thanks for your view. I don't agree with your 3rd paragraph. Flirting can be used ot see if there is attraction between people. But yea it might be see as creepy.
    Not seeing her for 3 months is no option. I see her atleast 1 time a day as I get to the train. Also in 3 months she is gone.
     
  6. Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut

    I would like to advice:
    focus first on your own recovery.
    First get rid of your need for porn.
    You will damage yourself and you will damage your girl if you connect too soon.
     
    LookUp likes this.
  7. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Okay...

    You know when you're in a grocery store, you're busy shopping, then from the corner of your eye you see an employee make eye contact and smile at you, then out of kindness you stare and smile back, but then the employee comes towards you and starts telling you about their special new offer going on in the store, you realize that it was a mistake and you just want to leave....................................

    Signals aren't always bold and clear. Especially when you're not being bold and clear about your intentions. Eye contact and smiling doesn't really say much.

    If you really want to see if she wants to be approached, then approach her and see. You'll know for sure.

    What you're trying to do is wait for a guarantee so that you don't have to risk anything. You can't have progress without risk.

    Is it weird? Why don't you find out for sure instead of asking a bunch of strangers on a forum to come up with predictions?

    You're not taking any action because you want a specific outcome and you're afraid that you won't get it. You aren't willing to get rejected. If you don't act, then you won't get rejected, but you also won't have the possibility of being accepted. So you try to come up with all these predictions and a master game plan to try to make sure that you get your desired outcome, but it's just causing you paralysis due to excessive carefulness. You're trying too hard to be perfect and smooth. You NEED your desired outcome to happen too much.

    3 months ago is when you should've talked to her. Every opportunity that passed made it that much harder and has become a bigger deal to you. You keep making the mountain bigger and bigger when all you really had to do was start climbing. All you had to do was talk to her. Interact with another human being. Allow yourself the possibility of getting rejected, but also the possibility of being accepted.

    But nope... your vision of your perfect life story doesn't allow for risk or rejection. Only guarantees and perfect scenarios that doesn't exist in reality.

    What's weird is your obsession, fear, and hidden intentions towards a stranger.
     
    Nomar and Abird like this.
  8. Abird

    Abird Fapstronaut

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    I thank you sir, for speaking the truth. I am done with her. I wasted my chance should taked to her at the start.
     
  9. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    I didn't say don't try.... I said that you made it a lot harder on yourself because you didn't do it from the beginning when you wanted to.

    You can still do what you should've done earlier.
     
    Abird likes this.
  10. kingpietro

    kingpietro Fapstronaut

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    The only way to see if a girl likes you is to ask her out.

    i've had girls who i thought liked me but when i asked them out they said no and i've had girls who i thought would hate me said yes

    just be confident and ask her out. Girls know it takes balls to ask someone out because you face rejection she loves a guy with confidence so the fact you take that risk shows you have that confidence.
     
    Abird likes this.

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