Hi Everyone, I'm expecting this to be a long post so I'll leave a tl;dr at the bottom. I never thought I'd see the day. I am no longer gripped by the addiction of porn and masturbation. I don't have any urge to look and I am happy with my life. I will briefly talk about my story and maybe some people here can benefit. I'll also give some suggestions for those who are struggling. Some possible triggers for the rest of the post. So I grew up in a mostly secular home, and thing like porn and masturbation were never seen as a taboo. I started masturbating around 12 years old and loved it honestly. I would mostly just think about the girls in my class that I like while jerking off. But around 13 or 14 all the boys in my class told me about internet porn. I didn't have an impulse to watch it before then, but I thought let's give it a try. I didn't want to watch another man having sex so I started with lesbian porn. I fell in love with it. I loved how the girls would please each other. I became hooked and always looked forward to it when I came home from school. At some point it transitioned from lesbian porn to femdom porn. I became a femdom porn addict from that time forward. I got into many aspects of it like humiliatrix, male chastity, findom, male slavery, ass worship, ect. Anything femdom, for the most part, got me going. I didn't care about chasing real girls. I just watched femdom when I was horny, and then went on with my life. I knew while doing it that something was wrong. The porn I would watch seemed super weird. I also thought it was weird how much of a lack of desire I had to get an actual girlfriend. But ultimately, I was hooked and the pleasure I would get from the femdom porn outweighed my desire to cure myself. At some point in my late teens I also grew very dependent on alcohol. I was drinking large amounts of it everyday, usually by myself. It was a problem that I needed to stop. So I did what a lot of people do when they need to quit alcohol, which was turn to religion. In my case it was Islam. Note: I don't want to make it seem like alcoholism was the only reason for joining the religion. I had read a translation of the Qu'ran cover to cover and it moved my heart. Made me want to convert. But my drinking problem pushed me over the edge. Shortly after converting, I decided to make an account on this website. I knew that porn and masturbation were sin, and that I needed to wait until marriage to have sex. If it wasn't clear by now I was a virgin. I figured the community here would help me on my way. But what actually ended up happening was a vicious cycle. I would watch femdom porn, masturbate, feel bad, shower, repent to Allah, then come here and vent. Each time it was "never again". But it always happened again. For years. Many years honestly. Fast forward about 5 or 6 years and I started losing faith in Islam. I won't go into too much detail about my de-conversion. In short, my main issue was that I lost faith in the day of judgement; that everyone that ever lived will rise from the dead. This started to seem too fantastical and unrealistic. Eventually, I lost my faith in Islam all together. I am still vaguely spiritual (I'm not an atheist), but I have no interest in organized religion at this point. So after the de-conversion ended, I started to reflect on my life and realized that I was a late 20s virgin. I figured I should find out what sex feels like. So I decided to make a dating app account. To my surprise I was getting matches and dates really easy from it. I wasn't on "Chad" level or anything, but I could average 1 to 2 dates a week. Not matches, but dates. Looking it up, this does not seem to be the case for most guys. I concluded that I must be at least somewhat handsome, which I didn't fully realize before. After about a month of using it I girl I met decided to hook-up with me. Note that I was still watching porn and masturbating at this time. I told her I was a virgin and she was confused. She thought a guy as "hot" as me shouldn't be a virgin at my age. However, when I got back to her place, I could not get an erection so I remained a virgin. She ghosted me not long after that night. It was humiliating to be honest. Shortly after that event I knew that I needed to give up porn and masturbation. My choice was simple. Either watch porn or get laid. I chose getting laid. A few weeks later I met a girl who is now my current girlfriend. She was super supportive about me being a virgin and we took our time. I lost my virginity with a condom on. The sex wasn't great but I was happy to no longer be a virgin. Shortly into the relationship we stopped using condoms. That is when I realized what the hype about sex was all about. Once I had sex without a condom, the thought of jerking off to porn seemed silly to be. It was like my third eye opened or something. Nofap became easy. People often wonder if porn induced fetishes go away. I would say yes and no. Some of the extreme stuff I would watch doesn't interest me. But we do incorporate 'soft' femdom into our dynamic. For example, she generally takes the lead during sex. She sometimes pats my head and calls me a "good boy". We incorporated the chastity fetish in some extent. I don't wear a cage, and never will, but we agreed that she can masturbate whenever, but I can only cum through sexual contact with her. This turns us both on and makes us happy. So what is my advice? Honestly, the easiest way to give up porn is to start having sex. If you are already having it, then really embrace your partner. Make it all about them. If you aren't having sex then I recommend getting a girlfriend. Waiting for marriage is a mistake in my opinion. If you need tips for getting a girlfriend, or even sex, my only advice is this. Try. Really try. Don't half ass it and pretend like you are trying. Make it your top priority. Give it your all. Anyways that is my story. I hope those struggling can take away something from this. Thank you for reading. Tl;dr: I have struggled with porn, especially femdom porn, for years. My cure was getting a girlfriend and to start having sex. This is what I recommend to anyone struggling with this.
Guys can we stop trying converting him to religion? Thanks! One thing I agree tho you might want to reconsider the femdom stuff - usually it stems from low confidence and bad childhood. Not saying you should stop doing it just know WHY you like it. And if you've looked and understood the trauma that caused it and still want to keep doing it fine! HUGE CONGRATZ MAN! I hope you gf is of value and your relationship succeeds!
Glad to hear about your recovery journey bro - and that you’re going strong! Wish you all the happiness in your relationship and onward journey!!
@TimeToQuitNow Thank you for sharing your story. I am going through a similar path now, as i was addicted to femdom for my entire life and, some weeks ago, i decided to quit all P and M. I have a long term relationship with my girlfriend, and i already saw great improvements in my sex life (erection and sensations). Like you, we try to incorporate a little of the master-slave dynamics, but in a much softer way, of course. Nonetheless, i still find that intercourse is far from being as good as femdom porn was. And i still keep being bothered by thoughts about femdom in my daily routine. Did it happen to you? How could you overcome that?
@the sage glad to see you also giving it a go to quit all P and M. My experience has also been similar with you in that I got into femdom port very early in life. With my first serious girlfriend, I always could only have intercourse when we role played - but that relationship eventually ended (because of a combination of issues, one of which included our sex life which was not healthy). I eventually decided to go on this journey of quitting PMO - and am still going on with my attempts. I am married now - and still involve with some femdom role—play with my wife. One thing I can say is - whenever I abstain for long enough - usually more than 90 - 100 days without PMO, sex with my wife becomes more than amazing. And I can tell you that whenever we do include some femdom role-play - the experience and feeling has been miles and miles better than any femdom port ever was. I guess the part of having a trusting and supporting partner puts one at ease and takes away the guilt and shame - and need for continuous escalation that comes with porn use. Regarding being bothered by femdom thoughts in my daily routine - this happened to me as well. It took my some time to overcome this - mainly through therapy. I have been going to a therapist for close to 9 years now - and this has really helped me throughout my journey. Key thing to try to keep in mind is that femdom is a fantasy. Sometimes it is fun to play out fantasies with your loved ones - because ultimately sex should be fun and playful. However, interpreting this fantasy in everyday life (outside of sex play with loved ones) means that one ends up living in fantasy, which is not a healthy way of going through life. I know the difficulties involved - because nowadays it seems triggers are everywhere, TV, adverts, social media etc etc. Right now I am still continuing my therapy and also incorporating meditation in my daily routine. Exercise and good eating habits is also important - as this boosts testosterone and other healthy hormones which help in living a healthy daily life. Anyways - that;s been my experience and I’d be keen to follow your progress over the coming weeks!!
Thank you for your reply, @Warlockchieftan ! Great to see that you are able to have amazing sex whith your wife while abstaining from PMO. I guess this is my ultimate goal today, so your message gives me the necessary optimism. If i can ask something, when you abstain from P, do you also abstain for M, or not necessarily? Today i am abstaining from both. I dont feel any urge to go back to P, but i feel the need to M, since my girlfriend is (understandably) not always willing to have sex. I think about going back to M after the 90 days of complete abstaining, but i worry that i would end up to M thinking about femdom, so maybe it would be a setback. What do you think about it?
@the sage Glad to see you’re making great progress with refraining from P! And sure happy to share my experience here. When I refrain from P, I try to refrain from M as well - for the very reason that I feel O is something that is meant to be a shared experience with a loved one, and not by myself. So in other words, when the M is happening together with my wife, then I’m fine with that - but I try to refrain from doing it by myself alone (if I M by myself alone, generally I would count that as a relapse). However, it is worth mentioning every person’s situation is different - and only you yourself will know whether any of these really affect you or not if you realize that doing M by yourself has the same negative effects on you as PMO generally does, then I would suggest only M together with your wife. And it all depends on situation - for example, recently I was in separate country from my wife for 3 months (due to work reason) - and during this period I fully refrained from P successfully. However, there was one time I did M and O but during a video call with my wife, so I personally did not count it as a relapse (and to be honest I did feel like this was more of a real two-sided satisfaction rather than me M-ing by myself). Hopefully this provides some context - but as I say, it really depends on your situation - being honest to oneself is probably the most important thing in this recovery process. Stay strong brother and keep progressing with the positive journey!
Thanks everyone for the replies! I don't come here much anymore, so I am just seeing them. Sadly, I just relapsed after a long time of not doing it. But I will stay strong and just try again. I am hoping for all of your encouragement. Thank you so much. And I think you might be right about the femdom stuff. The longer I am in this relationship, the more that I gain confidence and some of the extreme femdom fetishes don't sound even remotely appealing to me, even though I used to like it. Thank you. Wish me luck getting back to 90 days! Yea, I wouldn't say the fetish ever completely goes away. Like, in a moment I just watched femdom and relapsed. I feel disguested by what I did. Personally, I prefer intercourse to femdom porn. But I am not sure if that is purely just physical. Like, a vagina feels better than my hand. I would say however that my desire to watch porn gives a rush that sex doesn't give, if that makes sense. Like, it is a go go go mindset that I just need to release my cum. But with sex, it feels like a slow build up. This causes me to cum slower in sex than with porn. But I always feel better after sex and worse after porn. I feel a strong connection with my partner and that I am growing as a person. Do you relate to any of that? Thank you for sharing this. It is truely inspiring and I hope that I can achieve the level you have. I feel I am just keeping my legs in the water of recovery, but this relapse discourages me a lot. What can we do to combat these fantasies? What has worked for you?
