All my romantic attempts result in the same story :(

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Lu_herx, Jul 14, 2020.

  1. Lu_herx

    Lu_herx Fapstronaut

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    (Forgive my english pls)

    Hi all, I'm a 23 y/o guy who has never had a girlfriend.

    I used to be shy in the past years, but I have become more "selfsecure". Now I have the power to make laugh some person. I am really really devoted when I'm trying to date someone and truly dedicated, taking care of my appearance and stuff like that, I have romantic ideas, etc. But every time I've tried, it result in the same story.

    The endless story is this: I met a girl, we start talking, then we start dating, talking more, adding more confidence to the relationship, I try to let her know what are my feelings, sometimes she just ignores or say something like "aww that's so cute", we keep talking and when the status of the relationship is in the highest level, things start to get bad. It happens when I say to her something that "hey, I like you, really really, your personality, your appearance etc, this fact and this fact and this fact..etc", obviously I don't say that literally, but that is in of kind of way the main message. So here's when she say to me the eternal and boring words: "wow I don't know what to say, I always saw you as a friend, I don't have time, I am not interested, It's not the time, you are a great person, you deserve more, I'm sure that you are going to get someone better, I wish you the best...etc etc etc"...every time it's a different excuse that result in the same truth "I DON'T WANT". I respect that, you know, because she's free and I'm no one to force her. But, 2 or 3 weeks later always FREAKIN' ALWAYS I realize that somehow she's or dating or in a relationship with someone else. So I always date liars.

    I used to make all of this situations the perfect excuse to do M or see P. But recently I'm changing that. But I'm losing faith, I am getting bored of this freakin' shit, honestly, I don't know if I'm being a really good person that they get scared. I don't know and I'm tired of trying. And I want to become more selfish but I can't, I want to get rid of my feelings. I know that moths later I am gonna fall in love with someone else. I HATE THIS, IT'S AN ANNOYING ENDLESS BUCLE.
     
  2. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    Talking about feelings is a feminine trait and that repels heterosexual women. In other words: Don't do this. Watching chick flicks to learn about how dating works is like watching porn to learn about how sex works.

    Treat every girl the same, including the ones you like. If they like you, they will chase you. Learn to recognize those girls. Use every opportunity to date every girl chasing you, even if you're not completely into them, you learn from experience. Be vague, mysterious and fun. Be non-committed, not "I need a girlfriend". Let them figure out everything on their including the fact that you like them. Don't tell.

    Girls, who enjoy your company and want to lock you down, will start "the talk" at their own. However getting there takes much longer for girls than for guys. Don't try to put a label on something, let them do the work. Good luck!
     
  3. Thats WAY to early to do in dating, women want MYSTERY not an open book especialy early in a relationship .
     
  4. Had that happen to me a ton TOO when i was getting into the dating game in fact the exact same words i have heard. Creat the mystery so she doesnt know were you stand that uncertinity will create attraction from her NEVER BE PREDICTABLE . NEVER TELL THE AFTER A FEW DATES OR FIRST YOU LOVE THEM oh my.
     
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  5. Free your mind

    Free your mind Fapstronaut

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    I have to agree with the upper replies.
    I made the same mistake. I fell in love with a friend I know for 10 years. And we somehow ended in bed together. Slight PIED problems at first, later was ok, but I was telling her that I am open to a relationship, it's not that I just want to fuck her.
    BIG MISTAKE
    After a while, she said that it's so strange with me because usualy in the first few dates she wants to rip off clothes from someone as soon as she sees him, but not with me. She said that with me she fistly wants to ask me how I am and then rip off clothes. Of course that the last thing was a lie, just to make me feel better. She lost attraction because I didn't fuck the hell out of her (PIED problems) and I was an open book (told her that I want her as a serious partner).
    We didn't talk for almost 2 months. On thursday we will go for a drink and some talk, I will try to restart the sparks, but my chances are low. Wish me luck.

    I hate this characteristic of women, but they really are such..we cant do nothing aabout it.

    The girl that loved me the most is the one I didn't feel the real connection. For me she was just for fun. We had amazing sex, but I was rather cold towards her. She fell in love with me so unbelievably hard, after I left her she barely got over me... Wierd but thats how it works...
     
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  6. ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved

    ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved Fapstronaut

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    I used to be in a similar situation as you, and it resulted in similar things.

    I would suggest that next time you see a girl that you think is cute, be very careful to tell yourself, "I don't love her romantically." Because let's be honest, you don't. If you're attracted to a girl, say hi, maybe try to hang out and talk a bit, but don't "fall in love" and then ask her to be your girlfriend.

    If you're not getting a real sense that she likes you back, move on. It's actually a good thing—you don't want to be stuck with someone who pretends to love you but is just with you because they are insecure do you? You want somebody who loves you a lot!!! Some girls are shy, so don't take shyness as proof that a girl isn't interested. However, if they start pulling the "We're good friends" thing, then ditch your plan. If you like the girl enough to just be friends, then fine, but don't hang around trying to get her to like you.

    Oh, and in your search for a girl, don't just fall for the first one that likes you back. Make sure that you are on board with her values, with her lifestyle, how she spends time with friends. Those things WILL cause tons of trouble later on if you're not both similarly minded. And finally, don't chase after another guy's girlfriend, even if he's "not good enough for her." Leave it alone.
     
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  7. Gamebred305

    Gamebred305 Fapstronaut

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    Lots of advices coming feels good reading
     
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  8. Lu_herx

    Lu_herx Fapstronaut

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    Wow, reading all of this was kind of helpful. Perhaps I'm being too predictable. I always act as an open book, didn't know that they like the mistery, no one told me that.

    I think my problem is that I'm not being totally me. I mean, I behave different when I'm with a friend (including girls) and I behave different when I'm dating, I skip some things about me that I think that is embarrassing. I think next time I'm going to be completely me, behave as always behave with friends (specially girls), I make them laugh and I joke about some things, when I have to talk about some serious stuff I do, when I'm bothered for some thing I ler them know in a funny king of way....things like that. I guess I have to behave like there's no difference between a friend and a date.
     
  9. Lu_herx

    Lu_herx Fapstronaut

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    Surprisingly I have a friend that I met 5 years ago. Sometimes we talk a lot, sonetimes we don't. And the friendship is not lost.
     
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  10. Lu_herx

    Lu_herx Fapstronaut

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    That's the first thing I see when I'm dating with a girl, not having the same thoughts, but the same ideals and the same values. I think I'm always hurried, I don't know why. Perhaps It's the fact that I'm 23 y/o or my family pressure (not even social pressure).
     
  11. Lu_herx

    Lu_herx Fapstronaut

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    I think one of the few mistake I do when dating it's pretend to be perfect, and do everything perfect, always pointing to the happiness. I think that's boring for them, isn't?
     

  12. The thing that i hate to tell other dudes is that women like a man

    who takes control, runs the show, and doesn't give a crap about her.

    It always runs contradictory to what I wanted, but it seems like

    if I meet a woman, the more we talk, the more I'm headed to the friend zone.

    All that talking, the questions, the answers, all that does, in my case,

    is demonstrate to a woman that I NEED HER.

    If I emotionally need her, a woman is allergic to that.
     
  13. Free your mind

    Free your mind Fapstronaut

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    Wish I had such advices before... I made so much mistakes...
    This forum needs to be shared to every teenage boy in the world.
     
  14. Lu_herx

    Lu_herx Fapstronaut

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    Interesting point
     
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  15. I wish i had the above advice above written my others on this when i was between the ages of 13-25 but its called growth and learning i learned the hard way ALOT before i put things together
     
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  16. Bonhart

    Bonhart Fapstronaut

    I agree, but I don't think this only applies to women. Nothing turns me off more than a woman telling me that she needs me. I am not the solution to anyone's problem, I am not here to complete the existence of anyone.
     
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  17. ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved

    ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved Fapstronaut

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    Yeah! Feeling hurried is a great way to put it. I felt the same way. When dating, don't just look for someone who will accept you for who you are, look for someone who you can also accept. And girls aren't usually going to show you enough about themselves for you to know right away. You might get a vibe, sure, but you don't want to jump into an intense relationship or marriage even before knowing that you can tolerate the person's worst aspects. The first year of my relationship with my girlfriend was idyllic, almost nothing went wrong, and we never argued. That should have been a little warning sign, because it showed that one or both of us was not good at expressing their needs/wants/frustrations.

    Remember: if dating is compared to a job interview, you should BOTH be interviewing each other.
     
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  18. Don't feel bad. Making mistakes is the best way to learn.

    Anyway, a woman's rejection is more about her than you.
     
  19. Yes that is an excellent point.

    Everybody is repulsed by clinginess or neediness.

    But I believe that a guy who keeps trying,

    whether it is in work, in a hobby or with women,

    he's going to get a woman,

    sooner or later.

    Maybe it happens faster if he's not needy,

    but a non-needy guy does not automatically get a girl

    on the merit of that alone.

    All a man really needs to do is believe he will win.

    That makes him keep trying.

    Every time he fails, he's closer to the win.

    That's part of being a caveman.

    A caveman doesn't care if he tried a zillion times.

    He just tries to make it happen right then.

    A caveman is going to win out over Brad Pitt any day.

    Cause if Brad Pitt gets in his head too much,

    or does a whole bunch of talking with a girl,

    then Brad Pitt goes home alone,

    and the caveman keeps trying.

    Nobody has a better success rate than a caveman.

    Except another caveman.

    But the difference is small between two cavemen.
     
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  20. Just focus on what you can do today.
     
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