Are You Gay! Or Is The Porn Gay?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Nightbynight, Aug 4, 2018.

  1. Nightbynight

    Nightbynight Fapstronaut

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    I see alot of threads with men wondering if they're bi or gay.
    Whether a man is or not, porn can certainly be the reason he first asks the question of himself, discovery or addiction?
    I had the same internal struggle for a year or two, only to realise I am not (though I would never count out the possibility of bi tendencies as I'll explain later.)
    The way I found out I wasn't gay however was by completely accepting I was.
    It sounds counterintuitive I know but bare with me.
    Porn takes you through a whole plethora of sub genres and by the time you come to nofap its likely you've seen and "enjoyed" EVERYTHING, at least in the moment.
    I was stricken with guilt at first due to the way I was raised and also social stigma. "How can I be watching and even enjoying these videos?!" It can be hard to seperate feeling good in the moment with porn, from genuine happy feelings. You start thinking that maybe this is what you generally like (Who knows it could be).
    So after plenty of denial and mental battle filled with guilt, one day I said to myself, "Fuck it, I am. And thats ok."
    Once I fully accepted what I was internally, I no longer felt guilt for it. Infact once I embraced it and broke those barriers, the idea of preference seemed stupid to me. Later on I didnt even see my self as straight, bi or even gay but all and none. I said to myself I am me and I like what I like. I was free. Suddenly I could do what I wanted and there was no stigma as the internal judgment only amplifies the external. Long story short this ment I didn't "see" gay or straight, him or her just things that I liked, which allowed to me to experience people for them which also allowed me to research my preferences untill they were clear. Im not gay, I've only liked women in real life and porn is porn, and even in gay porn I was attracted to the controle and feminine aspects. If I wasn't able to dig deep into the details I wouldnt have been able to be so sure, but really its an after thought, I just dont "see" it anymore. I believe there's a chance that out of six billion people its likely many men would find a man they would sleep with in the right situation. Sex is often situational, a man so brainwashed in hate toward homosexuals could have been gay given a different life and perspective. Sometimes we dont know what we are capable of until someone unlocks that capability. Should I be bi if I only ever like one guy out of hundreds of women, yes? No? what if I really like the guy?
    Most people will say if you slept with a man and enjoyed it you are bi, even if it was once in your life and you've only been with women. You are now capable, fair enough. Are we all capable of that in the right situation? Atleast once, probably more so? More crazy things have happened. Is sexual preference what I prefer? What if I like guys but prefer women am I straight? Oh I'm bi? But I prefer women.
    It creates a group mentality, us vs them. If I prefer blondes it wont stop me from going for a hot redhead. So why do people have to go through a life shattering realisation for a what in some cases, is just a thought?
    sexuality is a spectrum. hell, numbers would more accurately describe the spectrum than the terms we use, still I just feel it's irrelevant in most circumstances. When you realise it doesn't matter if you are or aren't then you won't have this problem. Just like what you like in real life, try everything and find your answers. You deal with that and let your nofap deal with the porn. Because gay, straight or transexual, porn is your problem. And sexuality? Well it's just not that deep.
     
  2. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    Only for @lolwut.

    Joking aside you could be experiencing what is known as the coolidge effect. have you watched the 'yourbrainonporn' video?
     
    Clean Plate and Nightbynight like this.
  3. Dontask

    Dontask Fapstronaut

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    Hi @Nightbynight! I was reading what you wrote, and it’s just something almost same I experienced and I would say, even experiencing now. I’m straight, I like women, I want to have family, the family with wife and kids. But at the same time, I tried a lot of porn, and found gay porn something what would also please me. I would hate myself after ***, I would be discussed of myself and just think that I make huge sin. But in the end, I know I prefere women. To be honest, NoFap for me is not only to stop watching porn, but also to stop watching what is confusing me.
     
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  4. 19m

    19m Fapstronaut

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    im jn the sane postion where un rebooting snd i get off to feminine men and cant to women any ore . but when i think about it in mh mind and thoughts i hardkeh cant horny at all. but when i think about women i cant get horny at all. will this go away if i stip worrying ? becasue i love women in real life and horny but not men
     
    Nightbynight likes this.
  5. Sodawatt

    Sodawatt Fapstronaut

    This post basically read my mind! I've come here to not only stop my addiction, but get my head on straight in terms of my sexuality. Porn really screwed it up, and I've been unsure for years now. But I really wish more people understood that it isn't just gay/straight/bi and it's a spectrum. If everyone knew about this, there would be nothing holding me back from me coming out as.. me!
     
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  6. ClaudeDuval

    ClaudeDuval Fapstronaut

    It's all fake brainwashing.... Women are addicted to lesbian porn, it warps your mind.
     
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  7. 19m

    19m Fapstronaut

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    so im all good then ?
     
  8. I agree there’s a spectrum of sexuality but we don’t need to feed the aspect we don’t want. Like the old Native American saying says:
    Which ever wolf you feed becomes stronger.
    There are virtues that counteract vices. Practice them. I believe the wolf that is opposite of vice is dilegence. Feed dilegence.
     
  9. Argh! I just looked it up it’s not dilegence it’s Chastity. Even harder.
     
    mysecondlifejourney likes this.
  10. Sodawatt

    Sodawatt Fapstronaut

    I'll call it dillegence since chastity reminds me too much of bdsm porn
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  11. ClaudeDuval

    ClaudeDuval Fapstronaut

    Yep, just lay off the brainwashing material. :)
     
  12. 19m

    19m Fapstronaut

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  13. What's in a label? society is obsessed with putting things into boxes so it can have a tick next to it on some beaurocratic piece of paper work. I think there is a spectrum and people are all over the place, it's also fluid for a lot of people. I see porn like going to a chinese take away, sometimes you fancy a bit of no. 24 and 45 but next time you might want to order a no. 37 and a 99, since porn has become so heavily commercialised and accessible the menu of what is available is vast and encompasses ALL aspects of human sexuality, the good bits and the bad bits.
     
    Jess001 likes this.
  14. Yeah but who would go to a Chinese restaurant if they knew all the food was poisoned? Like porn.
    (In real life I get your gist.)
     
  15. Loup Garou

    Loup Garou Fapstronaut

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    This is the same feeling I have! I watch things I would never believe I could like them. I hope NoFap helps me to understand myself
     
    Nightbynight likes this.
  16. It will. You don’t even realize your understanding is happening until you pass through some F ups. Just pick up after each fail and carry on. You’ll end up in a better place. Some of my best understanding of myself come after my biggest fails.
    Good luck. Stay on the path.
     
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  17. I often wonder if the reason there is so much more homosexuality, bisexuality, and asexuality these days compared to, say, 50 or more years ago is because there is so much more access to pornography. Everyone is really just so confused about what their sexuality.

    I'm not saying that is the case for everyone, but I think that's why you see so much more of it.
     
  18. I certainly think that’s part of it. Also the culture no longer has a clear idea of what manhood and womanhood are so growing up people go with the flow. There are no rites of passage into manhood in this culture anymore except maybe having sex.
     
  19. Which is why sex is considered such an important thing anymore. Which makes porn more important as well. So the cycle continues on and on. Generation after generation.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  20. Sayonara

    Sayonara Fapstronaut

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    Great post @Nightbynight!

    I'm bisexual - in that I've had fulfilling relations with both sexes. However, my attraction levels were constantly changing, which made understanding who I was difficult. Porn was such a big confusing factor here because the more I indulged in straight/gay porn, the more I focussed on that sex in real life. I went through a big patch of time and I would be checking out every guys crotch while walking on the street - I was hypersexualised by porn and it was not good! It made me feel like a creep, which I guess I was.

    Quitting PMO is slowly allowing me to reset and understand what I'm truly looking for, which is just to find a soul to love, not a body with a particular type of genitalia.
     

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