Hi, I was here maybe 18 months ago. I reached I think around 75 days no PMO, then relapsed with MO, then then P came back at some point. Now I'm about 4-5 weeks no P, but still MO maybe 2-3 times a week. I've experienced the worsening effect that P has had on my life. I was experiencing such big ups and downs in my mood, my concentration, and my motivation. I would use P to just level these things out. It's a horrible way to live. Now in some ways I can sense an improvement, but there's still a rollercoaster happening with how I'm feeling, but that's to be expected. I'm facing emotions that I'd rather not feel right now. I often used P to bury feelings and to self-medicate. Today is one of those days. I find my reactions to things in my life, the things that people say and do, are really strong. Someone made me feel angry today, and I was filled with rage about it, that was totally disproportionate to what they did. I hadn't felt this angry in a long long time, but I didn't get angry with them. I had enough foresight to realise that this was more about me than them, even though I will talk to them about it when I'm calm. But I'm looking forward to feeling better. I stopped the P in isolation, thinking that maybe I can do this on my own. But who am I kidding lol! It's a big deal. I need help. I'm not quite ready to quit MO. Last time I did it all at once, whilst being in recovery from drug addiction too, and having bipolar disorder as well. It was too much.