Beat a 10+ year addiction forever--my story & insights for recovery

I can't tell you how much this community (along with 2-3 other forums) has meant to me in helping me escape the PMO trap. I'm a 30+ year old guy who has been trying to quit porn since he was probably around 19-20 years old.

I want to share my story of recovery and all the advice I have for it. I know there's a "success stories" forum, but thought it would fit better here since it focuses on the process itself and the ideas to accelerate your escape.

I've mostly been lurking in the shadows on this site and this forum. Today, I decided to make an account and post this message so that it can be useful to others.

For 10+ months now, I feel this incredible sense of confidence that I am definitely never going to look at porn again. It wasn't always like this.

My Story

I got hooked probably when I was 12 or 13 years old. It was still dial-up internet (2001, 2002?) but I remember the tantalizing feel of having those static images load up. With time, it just got worse.

I was probably 18 years old when I realized I had a problem. I tried to quit it but my mind just did not want to cooperate. I still just saw it as a habit, not as an addiction. Even in college, when there were some amazing people who wanted to be with me (literally sitting on my bed often), I instead stuck with the PMO habit.

After I finished college at 21, I would try on and off to quit the habit. Many years later, as I started dating again, I noticed I had a hard time with confidence. I ended up confessing with the 2-3 partners I had that I used to watch porn. They were amazing and supported me in getting de-hooked. But during intense times, I would cave in, and I was too guilty to tell them.

Finally, I got married to an amazing beautiful smart warm and nurturing woman. I seriously love her. But the habit stuck. I realized this was not some habit you count down and hope it dies, this was a downright addiction.

And addictions are harmful. There is nothing good in them. Like heroin, or cocaine. As long as I kept thinking that PMO was a "habit" to deal with stress, anxiety, boredom, etc, I would last for 5-10-30 days, but then give in. Because I still felt there was something good in it.

This was EXACTLY why Despite ALL my reasons for wanting to quit, I couldn't. I still kept using PMO as a crutch to get through the truly "tough" parts of life.

Silly me. What a lie!

It wasn't until I started seeing it as an addiction like heroin, cocaine, etc that I was finally able to understand there was no benefit to watching this stuff at all. NONE.


It felt like porn filled the void of my life, but it actually just contributed to it!

Almost overnight, my life changed. What felt difficult, an uphill battle to "quit the porn habit" became as easy as pie. What used to take all my willpower to resist became almost laughable. What would've taken all my might to resist watching, now is a sign in my mind that the last of the addiction's toxicity is leaving me. When I used to look for motivation, I now just KNOW that there is nothing positive in PMO.

I am FREE, FREE, FREE.

After 10+ years of trying and failing over and over again. Honestly I don't even keep count anymore.

I've since learned that this is the KEY to it. To see through the lies that porn has any benefit associated with it.

Easier said than done, of course. But if you can be honest with yourself, or have someone to talk you through it, you will realize that all the imagined benefits you see in porn are just fabricated as well.

Please let me know if you're stuck, having a hard time, can't seem to quit, or if it feels like an uphill battle you cannot climb. It is now my goal to help 1000 people become de-addicted from this once and for all! I would log into this community to see all the stories of struggle, as well as happy stories and that is what kept me going for the years. This is my attempt at giving back!

 

10+ months. I don't keep track anymore.

Benefits include:
I feel free! Free forever.
More present with my partner, with my work, etc.
Being at the baseline I was supposed to be at.

I realized that the idea of getting "superpowers" is a lie. All that escaping from the porn trap gives you is the chance to become what you already were before you got stuck in it. This isn't about having superpowers. It is about being me again.

 

You still end up thinking that porn has some benefit to it. You still think it is a pleasurable thing (despite all its negative effects). Until you keep thinking like that, you will continue experiencing strong withdrawal symptoms. I would say 80-90% of it is purely psychological. You keep "resisting" porn, you keep fighting against it, and it starts to feel like pushing a boulder up a mountain. This is destructive, and sadly, you will keep experiencing PAWS for a lot longer.

Re-read my original post.

The fact is, when you realize that porn has NO benefit to it, it loses its power and grip on you. Then you're only left with dealing with the physical urges themselves. And the physical urges are extremely extremely mild.

They are as mild as the discomfort you might feel as you wait for dinner to start. Not severe at all. It becomes super easy to get through it.

Feel free to DM me on here if you have more questions about this!

 

I'm sending you a private message to talk further with you.

 

The benefits that people talk about is really the process of becoming the "normal" you without the PMO addiction. It restores you to your baseline. You do not get superpowers from this. This is a myth and a dangerous one because it makes people continue waiting for these powers to come before they feel they are no longer addicts. Giving up porn, or poison is its own benefit. It doesn't need other things to make it "better".

Do not keep waiting for this. Know that you're already a non-user and move on with your life.

The brain fog comes from still identifying and resisting against porn in your mind. This is because you have still identified some benefit in porn. The constant resistance causes brain fog.

 

That's wonderful. This is exactly how it works! Far too many people are trying to quit this thinking that they can just "fight it" forever and ever.

This won't work. It will make each day a torture as they keep fighting. Eventually they will tire out and relapse again.

It's better to not engage with a toxic poison at all. Instead of fighting it, it is better to just move away from it knowing it is nothing but poison.

 

Good to hear! But recognizing that you're an addict is just the start. You have to recognize how porn has trapped you. Fighting against it will not make you sink deeper into it. The best way out is to not fight against quicksand, but to grab a branch and pull yourself out.

Most people unfortunately spend years of their lives (like I did) fighting in the quicksand hoping they can quit. This is because 99% of the advice out there tells you to do just that.