Can't Find What Works

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by evanbook03, Mar 22, 2019.

  1. evanbook03

    evanbook03 Fapstronaut

    Hey all,

    I've been addicted for at least 10 years to P in conjunction with compulsive M, high risk and/or anonymous sex with both men and women, limited crossdressing, exhibitionism and voyeurism. I've been married for almost 8 years, and my wife and I are expecting a baby soon. I've been caught numerous times in my bad behaviour by my wife, and we've managed to hold our marriage together, though just barely. I will get caught, stop, vow to get better, abstain from the behavior for months, even a year (infidelity, anyway, I've never gone more than a month without P/M). My commitment to stopping P and compulsive M has always been low because it hasn't been, in and of itself, a deal breaker for my wife. But I know, now, that it's the root of my behaviours in general. I regard myself as straight, but my P tends toward bisexual/gay/sissy things. I think that years of looking for more extreme P has twisted my sexual preferences. I've had multiple ED instances with my wife from performance anxiety as a result of the damage to our relationship, and expending sexual energy elsewhere. I can see myself getting close to rock bottom. My professional life is undamaged, so far. Personally my life is in close to shambles. I have to stop, I want my wife, and our baby, and to be a good husband and dad. So I'm trying this, in addition to what I've done before/currently.

    Things I've tried/am trying:
    -Cold turkey (nope)
    -12 step meeting (helps, for sure, but not enough long term by itself, yet anyway)
    -Therapy (starting with a new therapist, bounced between a few with mixed results)

    Any input or advice is welcomed, thanks for reading.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. Welcome to the community. Thank you for sharing your story.

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