Can't Share my emotions with anyone(LONELYNESS)

abraham jhon

abraham jhon

New Fapstronaut
I'm 21 still can't find someone who understands my feelings. I have a few friends but not any best friend. Why I get the feeling that no one understands me? Sometimes I feel like I want someone just to cuddle and talk my heart.
I get compliments like that I try to make up with everyone and wanna make happy them. Do I overthink?
 
Yes, you overthink.

Friends are usually ephemeral, they sooner or later go away and the only thing that keeps a friendship for long enough is pshysical closeness and common share of interests. Besides, people find much more attractive (sexually or not) other people who focus on important things and try to improve each other. If you overthink it to much and don’t believe in yourself, then people will notice it.
 
Bermixi1667 said:
Yes, you overthink.

Friends are usually ephemeral, they sooner or later go away and the only thing that keeps a friendship for long enough is pshysical closeness and common share of interests. Besides, people find much more attractive (sexually or not) other people who focus on important things and try to improve each other. If you overthink it to much and don’t believe in yourself, then people will notice it.
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Your words hurt a bit, but I think it's a good observation. Applies for me as well.
 
abraham jhon said:
I'm 21 still can't find someone who understands my feelings. I have a few friends but not any best friend. Why I get the feeling that no one understands me? Sometimes I feel like I want someone just to cuddle and talk my heart.
I get compliments like that I try to make up with everyone and wanna make happy them. Do I overthink?
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It is hard to find someone you can trust completely but without taking the chance, taking the risk, the risk of being betrayed, we can go nowhere. I found it surprising the first time I spoke to a couple of friends about loneliness. Both of them chimed in and shared their feelings. And guess what?!! One of them was married! With a kid!!! It's crazy the world we live in.

Just don't stop trying please. And build up the courage to take risks. Small steps at a time. It's hard when folks don't pick up what you drop. It's hard when folks don't grab your outstretched hand of friendship. But hey, keep trying and you'll make it!
 
I disagree that it sounds like depression, it more sounds like a boundary issue. Not a lot of people respect someone who tries to make everyone happy. A lot of times people like yourself get used or taken for granted, and never really receive reciprocation from others in terms of emotional support.

My advice would be to start working on yourself and what you like and stop caring about others or helping everyone. You have a set of basic needs and things you enjoy and hobbies and also things that piss you off or you hate or dislike. People don't really want someone around them that is black or white, people like a grey area and a well rounded person. Work on yourself, stop helping everyone and just try to find out what makes you happy. Most people don't want to deal with your shit, but they are more then willing to hang out with you and do fun things and fun stuff if you have hobbies. But if you are just trying to dump emotions on someone it's a bit unfair to them unless they are a paid therapist or councelor.
 
These kind of things like I'm alone or I'm outsider or no one understands me is sign of depression
 
nef said:
These kind of things like I'm alone or I'm outsider or no one understands me is sign of depression
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It all depends on how dominant the thoughts are. I'm no psychologist but merely being lonely or feeling left-out for a fleeting second or two may not translate into a clinical diagnosis of depression. Depressed people literally cannot do anything.
 
Yall worried about why people dont understand your feelings, yet here I am trying to understand my own...

A lot of things are new to me when I started NoFap. I watched videos, read peoples posts and experiences, and read an few books on how to better myself as an person.

I dont expect people to understand my feelings right now when everything seems like an experiment to find what works for me. The trials and errors of getting out and trying new things, meeting new people, setting realistic goals, quitting PMO, etc. All of it to build my confidence, and getting to that point where I don't care what people think.

When I feel confident enough to take action and have fun with it then I can express my feelings geniuly, and people take note. They join in conversation or action giving rapport.

If I'm an debbie downer and expect people to understand my feelings then I'm walking an fine line where people will see it as being desperate, weakness, and can possibly take advantage of me.

Just because someone understand your feelings doesnt mean they will choose to be part of your life. 99.9% will just walk away. They dont have time to babysit an adult and have their own stuff to deal with.

That 0.1% will be those who are close to you. Your parents, friends, lover, mentor, etc. The ones who give an shit about you and can go to for advice and lean on. They are the ones who you want to understand your feelings. So you want to improve your social circle as much as possible.
 
Marik757 said:
Yall worried about why people dont understand your feelings, yet here I am trying to understand my own...

A lot of things are new to me when I started NoFap. I watched videos, read peoples posts and experiences, and read an few books on how to better myself as an person.

I dont expect people to understand my feelings right now when everything seems like an experiment to find what works for me. The trials and errors of getting out and trying new things, meeting new people, setting realistic goals, quitting PMO, etc. All of it to build my confidence, and getting to that point where I don't care what people think.

When I feel confident enough to take action and have fun with it then I can express my feelings geniuly, and people take note. They join in conversation or action giving rapport.

If I'm an debbie downer and expect people to understand my feelings then I'm walking an fine line where people will see it as being desperate, weakness, and can possibly take advantage of me.

Just because someone understand your feelings doesnt mean they will choose to be part of your life. 99.9% will just walk away. They dont have time to babysit an adult and have their own stuff to deal with.

That 0.1% will be those who are close to you. Your parents, friends, lover, mentor, etc. The ones who give an shit about you and can go to for advice and lean on. They are the ones who you want to understand your feelings. So you want to improve your social circle as much as possible.
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Very meaningful post! Captures the torrent of emotion that goes through the mind of someone in recovery. Yup, it's ain't easy! I like the piece on the social circle. It definitely helped me a lot to talk about my issues with the people who are close to me.

Good stuff bud! Keep it real!
 
In rare cases, people have been known to be surrounded by idiots. Wait a second, this is 2019... *recalculates paradigm due to the moral decline of civilization*

Commonly, you may find yourself surrounded by idiots. You may have to search long and hard for anyone who is slightly above being a total neanderthal. Don't let the cell phones deceive you; those are not mere pieces of advanced technology, those are structures of advanced imprisonment. They hold the hearts captive of whoever may gaze and find themselves smiling in the eerie ghoulish light.

Our world has changed for the worse. As we change for the better, the distance between us only grows more profound. Yes, this is satirical but it is also reflective of the ways things can tend to be and the way things are going. Don't forget to account for this when you consider where you stand in loneliness.
 
You can search in your wider circle about somebody you can trust more, think about your brother, colleges, friends or even a doctor, you are not searching for advice, you only need to talk to spill out negative energy depressing you.
 
letter said:
In rare cases, people have been known to be surrounded by idiots. Wait a second, this is 2019... *recalculates paradigm due to the moral decline of civilization*

Commonly, you may find yourself surrounded by idiots. You may have to search long and hard for anyone who is slightly above being a total neanderthal. Don't let the cell phones deceive you; those are not mere pieces of advanced technology, those are structures of advanced imprisonment. They hold the hearts captive of whoever may gaze and find themselves smiling in the eerie ghoulish light.

Our world has changed for the worse. As we change for the better, the distance between us only grows more profound. Yes, this is satirical but it is also reflective of the ways things can tend to be and the way things are going. Don't forget to account for this when you consider where you stand in loneliness.
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In regards to being surrounded by idiots... people need to learn how to walk away from toxic people. Toxic as in they arent an role model you shouldn't be around.

Friends and family can be toxic people. Sure they can fill the gap of your loneliness, but if they are counterproductive on your journey then it might be time to move on.

Do you have some kind of relationship with people who abuse drugs/alchohol? Most likely they are drowning out something they dont want to confront... they could even ask you to join in. What could be enjoyable for an few hrs can set you back days as you might reminisce difficult situations.

Do you have some kind of relationship with people an in abusive relationship?
Example is your friend dating, but always fighting with their partner. Then you need to step away. They arent an role model you want to be around. What you see in them you could mirror yourself in future relationships. Or worse get you involved.

You want to be around those who are happy, and people who are in an loving relationship. Jealous? So what if they have something you dont have, yet.

You want positive role models in your life to learn from, and mirror.
 
Marik757 said:
In regards to being surrounded by idiots... people need to learn how to walk away from toxic people. Toxic as in they arent an role model you shouldn't be around.

Friends and family can be toxic people. Sure they can fill the gap of your loneliness, but if they are counterproductive on your journey then it might be time to move on.

Do you have some kind of relationship with people who abuse drugs/alchohol? Most likely they are drowning out something they dont want to confront... they could even ask you to join in. What could be enjoyable for an few hrs can set you back days as you might reminisce difficult situations.

Do you have some kind of relationship with people an in abusive relationship?
Example is your friend dating, but always fighting with their partner. Then you need to step away. They arent an role model you want to be around. What you see in them you could mirror yourself in future relationships. Or worse get you involved.

You want to be around those who are happy, and people who are in an loving relationship. Jealous? So what if they have something you dont have, yet.

You want positive role models in your life to learn from, and mirror.
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Great post Marik. We have to realize that all people are different and we must choose our company wisely. Also, we have to evaluate our expectation from people. It's not easy to fulfill our needs from the wrong company and sometimes the right company may also be having a bad day :-(.
 
It is a skill to learn how to filter people you want to talk to. There are many people who are unable to have a deep conversation, they can only talk about simple concepts. Anything deeper and they lose interest.

Keep talking to people, take that step, and eventually you will find people who you just mesh with. Heck, you'll know when that happens, because you will have like a 6 hour conversation with them.
 
abraham jhon said:
I'm 21 still can't find someone who understands my feelings. I have a few friends but not any best friend. Why I get the feeling that no one understands me? Sometimes I feel like I want someone just to cuddle and talk my heart.
I get compliments like that I try to make up with everyone and wanna make happy them. Do I overthink?
Click to expand...
I was feeling the same way- that no one understands me. Feel free to PM me, as I would probably get you more than most people.

What partially solved the riddle for me was telling two of my best friends my struggle with PMO. It might seem like you can’t do that, but if you open up to your best friend, if he really is a good friend, he won’t judge you and you will finally feel more understood. How can they understand you or your feelings when you are in this nofap dilemma, this frustrating puzzle
 
I feel the same way now I only have maybe 3 surface friends who would ditch me at the first opportunity to go be with someone else.
 
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