Perhaps we have a different understanding of the word "flirting". In my understanding, there is a difference between flirting and having a genuine conversation to get to know someone. If you are sincere in your Christian faith, consider how wonderful it would be to find a woman who can become a life partner who will also help you grow in your faith. If that is something you desire, think about where you are most likely to find such a wonderful partner. Secular dating sites or local bars are unlikely locations. Aren't church gatherings and through Christian friends or Christian websites more likely places? If we are to follow Christ's commandment to love the Lord with all of our heart, mind and soul, are flirting (online or in person) and masturbation leading you to a heart filled with love for God? If the newspaper published a story tomorrow which factually described what is in your heart, what would it say? The contents of such a story are already known to God. What will you do to make your heart a wonderful dwelling place for Our Lord?
Day 27 P-mode Flirting is an issue because it is usually motivated by my sexual urges. It also involves communicating with strangers who may promote or encourage carnal communication or attention to the body. Thus flirting is not a good substitute for sexting nor is a safe hobby. I've been flirting more perhaps because of summer and local people wearing less clothes. Some local people also publicly shout or say carnal comments to local women who wear less clothes. My outdoor exposure has increased because of my aim to be more physically active. Another reason is my dad has been walking more and taking me with him. Another reason is that my sister wants me to water her plants. Because of this increased outdoor exposure to sexuality and nudity, I should observe more of my sex health notes to better understand the dangers of unmoderated sexual behavior. For example, when I travel to water my sister's plants, I can stay inside her home and review my sex health notes. Whenever dad wants to walk outside with me, I can listen to my sex health notes in an earphone. I should also try my best to avoid sexual promotion as much as possible. For example, I can travel during early mornings on weekends to avoid crowds. Whenever I have to go outside, I should plan an routine or activity to counter the summer streets' and summer people's carnal communications. I should also consider expanding my sex health notes to include more information about STIs and laws. When I return to my food delivery work, listening to sex health notes in an earphone will be a good way to counter my outdoor exposure to sexuality and nudity.
Earlier I had thought of taking photos of women on public transportation, to better handle my sexual urges. But that's very likely illegal. And Jesus wouldn't want me to lust for a woman who could be a wife.
Perhaps the starkest contrast between humans and animals is our ability to see and make choices. Others may tempt us to respond to them with lust or anger but it is we, ourselves, who make the choice how to react to them. With tempting persons, we always have the choice to turn our eyes and thoughts away from them. Their actions need not control us. Modern society has seemingly forgotten that sex between two unmarried people is still a sin. In the same sense, lusting for someone, whether they are married or not, is still a sin. Christ explained in Matthew 5:28, that it is what we desire in our hearts that God sees and it is this content that He will look upon when ultimately judging us. Seek a kind and pure heart, my friend. Apart from God Himself, it will be your best guide in all things.
I'm going to learn either Spanish or French. I think either of those languages might be able to connect me with more people struggling with sexual issues. I'm only going to learn one, at least at first. I have to pick one that will get me connected with more struggling people than the other. I thought Spanish might be better since Spanish speakers mostly might live closer to the equator and thus have to see people wearing less clothes all year round. But I think the sexuality of a society can be determined more by its sex laws. Here's a list of factors that I will consider: minimum age of consent legality of prostitution religious influence restrictions on drug use minimum age to drink legality of polygamy I think most French-speaking lands are more legally restrictive with sex than most Spanish-speaking lands are. I will do a little googling to find the largest French and Spanish-speaking lands, then briefly look into the sex laws of those lands. Who knows? I might even find a French version of NoFap! I really like this idea for my fight against porn, similar to somewhat using porn's technology against itself. Porn uses the internet to pervert and corrupt foreigners far and wide, but I'm going to use that same internet to connect with struggling foreigners far and wide. Another benefit is that learning another language may increase my daily reading. I like reading and literature more than videos and audio. The latter two forms of entertainment seems to be easily perverted or abused by sexual cybercriminals. But I can easily scan and filter online literature and words for unsolicited sexuality.
I pray that all of us may draw others to Christ and God's will through example. However, I fear that it is far too easy to lead others down the wrong path, particularly when we rely on our own wisdom and opinions. I am mindful of Luke 17:2 "It is better for him if a millstone is hung around his neck and he is thrown into the sea, than that he may cause one of these little ones to sin." NASB Your plans to read and study in order to help others are admirable goals, I look forward to hearing how it goes. Still, remain wary. There are many false prophets who are also authors but they can be recognized by their actions.
I will definitely be careful. Learning a second language may double my interactions with sexual people who want to improve themselves. It would be a nice distraction to interact with people on here and then on a French version of NoFap. I've done a lot of searching and can only find a limited amount of sex health resources on English websites. One of my only options for more resources would be to learn another language. Sex health seems like a small issue, but it may be a bigger issue when observed among many different languages. Trust me: I doubt I would be fooled by French-speakers. I'm not going to believe that HIV is curable in France or the DR Congo, just because some online French-speaker communicates such. I'm pretty sure that a lot of truths stand, regardless of language. Just like porn, truths also can be shared with the internet.
Day 25+ P-mode I almost sexted today. Spoiler: details of the near-sexting incident The recipient texted that she'd want to be approached by "Idk probably gripping [her] throat and holding [her] to a wall or tying [her] up." That's so sadomasochistic. I really didn't know how to reply to that. I think she was joking. I tried to play along and replied that I "would tie [her] ankles," but I really couldn't. I'm not the type of man to harm a woman. I eventually felt like she may have been sexual abused or assaulted and apologized for possibly resurfacing her trauma. She confirmed that she had been either sexually abused or assaulted a few times. I apologized again and communicated with more respect and less flirting until the end of our conversation. I think the stress of learning French may have contributed to this near-sexting incident. A lot of my time today was searching for a book to learn French. The search is difficult and ongoing. I also did not review my sex health notes today. I feel that I tend to sext more on days that I don't review my sex health notes. I also didn't get much sleep last night. When I don't get adequate sleep, my extra hours are usually wasted on the internet. I thus spend more time online if I don't get adequate sleep. More online time usually leads to more chances of sexting.
Good work recognizing when your defenses against temptation are likely to be weak. Be sure to consider what preparations you can put in place when those times are likely. Can you put your electronic devices out of convenient reach when those times are likely? Learning a new language has never been an easy thing for me. Indeed, I am not good at this at all. However, I have had a little success when I set myself small goals, like learning ten or twenty words per day for three days per week then practicing these new words for the remaining 4 days. etc. etc. Learning to be patient with ourselves is a step towards doing God's will. Rarely does God fix us with a bolt of lightening. Frequently, he leads us on a path of gradual learning for He knows what we are capable of.
And CPilot, you are right about avoiding perverts while learning French. I hope to learn French mostly offline, since I find that there are a lot more perverts online than offline. I'm actually reading a French language book from my local library. Luckily my cousin is also learning French. She's not a pervert, as far as I know anyways. We can exercise French through conversations. I am also looking through local French language groups. Another way of avoiding perverts while learning French could be reading or listening to an official French bible or French and English bible, playing E-rated French video games, and watching and reading French news.
Day 32 P-Mode I flirted today and got blocked. I am actually somewhat happy that I got blocked because flirting could've led to sexting. My late dinner didn't help. When I eat late, I tend to sleep late. Since I tend to sext at night, I've learned the importance and benefit of going to bed early. Also, I had some exchange with an extremely perverted dude online today. I eventually blocked him but I honestly wanted to help him. Then again, I'm not sure he needed help. I need to make sure that I'm helping online people who are struggling. I can't just help random people online, especially because they could be perverts or cybercriminals aiming to pervert and corrupt people. Identifying perverts and criminals is harder online than offline, and I need to remember to exercise caution.
This is a very important point and it is a warning that Christ gave his disciples when He sent them out on their own. See Matthew 10:16,17 "Behold, I am sending you like sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and simple as doves.17 But beware of people, for they will hand you over to courts and scourge you in their synagogues" NAB There are many people out there who get pleasure in bringing down a Christian either through temptation or cleverly deceiving debate. Remember the devil has sharpened his debate skills for millennia and we are not as well equipped. It is pointless to debate with someone who is throughly corrupted by the evil one. When you come across such a person, drop the conversation. Be also aware that even well-meaning people can become tools of temptation. When others go into too much intimate detail about their sins, it can cause us to recall temptations of our own. Fortunately, on this website, you will find that almost all of the people here have been inspired by God to make a positive change in their lives and thus we can safely learn from each other and help each other without fear of ulterior motives.
Day 34 P-Mode Today was my last trip to my sister's apartment. I've gotten better at avoiding half-naked women on buses. I just close my eyes and listen to my sex health notes in my earphone. I'm surprised that, as a teen, I would take a 2-hour train ride to school for 4 years. How was I avoiding half-naked women as a teen? To be honest, I was not a good teen. I was not much of a Christian back then, and (on croeded trains) I put my hands in places where they shouldn't be. I'm very proud at my current level of maturity, thanks to the Lord. I know men of my age who are still engaging in risky behavior around women. Some of these men get arrested while others get infected. When I go back to delivery fast food, listening to my sex health notes in an earphone would help a lot for avoiding half-naked women.
I was listening to some French national anthems and searched for Gabon's. I came across a video thumbnail with a woman in it. Then I wondered, "What would happen if I did an unfiltered video search with the phrase 'Gabon woman?' Would I get porn?" Maybe I wouldn't. Maybe it would give me videos about Gabon women running for political office or crime reports. But the internet is usually sexual when doing unfiltered videos searches. I shouldn't tempt myself into such a search. I've done enough unfilitered video searches with innocent phrases to know that I would get search results that pervert certain things and people. It's not worth risking my good streak. I haven't sexted in 34 days nor watch porn in 104 days.
Good choice. Video and image searches of any kind are pretty much off-limits for me. Nothing good comes of them, in my experience. Stand firm on Christ. He alone satisfies. We can find life nowhere else!
Day 35 P-Mode Listening to different French anthems isn't a wise idea. It's like trying to learn English by listening to the American national anthem, UK national anthem, Australian national anthem, Jamaican national anthem, and etc. These English-speaking countries each speak English in a differemt way. For example, a pair of words can rhyme when spoken in UK English but then don't rhyme when spoken in American English. As a beginner, learning consistent French sounds is important. Such a task is difficult if I listen to French national anthems from various French countries that each may speak French in a slightly different accent despite probably writing French exactly the same way. Instead of listening to different Fremch anthems, I may focus on traditional songs from only France. I may look into religious songs and patriotic songs. French has a lot of online value for me. French doesn't seem too popular where I live but I still think it might have some offline value too. When I get better with French, I can use it to help French immigrants or visitors learn or understand English. I can probably even introduce such French speakers to Christianity while teaching English. When I get better with French, I could probably also help English speakers learn French too, though I doubt there is much motivation for any English speaker to learn French in my English-speaking city. August 2nd is another day to celebrate my porn cessation. I might prepare a speech to commemorate my victory over porn and sext addiction.
Writing a commemorative speech about my current victory over porn and sext addictions seems like a chore, but it has value to me. Instead of writing it, I might just say a speech without planning and then record the speech with an audio recorder. Then on my next day of celebration after August 16th, I will listen to the recording. I've accomplished a lot while overcoming my porn and sext addictions like gaining a better relationship with family and securing work after almost a decade of unemployment.
You are on a good path. Tackling your most serious sinful habits first will open your eyes and give you the confidence to tackle lesser, but nonetheless sinful, habits in your life. We are all called to be holy and pure. At times these things seem impossible and sometimes we find we don't even desire them but our souls know better and they want to return to the state of purity they were at when God breathed life into them. Continue to be guided by your soul's desire to walk the path back to its heavenly home.
Day 30+ P-mode I found a French bible. I did a lot of online searching, changed my keyboard to French, and searched French bible quotes to get an accurate French bible. I may read a chapter daily. This would probably be the third or fourth time that I'm reading the whole bible, which is pretty nice. I was learning some French through French video games but then realized that reading was a very powerful and quick way to learn written French. The bible also has a lot of repetition, which is good for remembering certain French words. Maybe I can even listen to an audio of the French bible.
