Day 1, Rebooting

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by HellComestoFrogtown, May 1, 2020.

  1. 72jbjekapm

    72jbjekapm Fapstronaut

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    I've been having sex about once a week, is it still a struggle, if you are doing it more than that? My struggle is not seeing some of the visuals we see in P. My wife is very beautiful to me and I'm very attracted to her, but I can't always see the angles that we see in P. Also I want to kicktlick up a notch, but I've been kind of passive, but I know she is open. Once I see that I can succeed a little longer, I'd like to spice things up a bit. I have not had a chance to talk with her about NoFap yet, plan to on Monday. I want to rid myself of the guilt, shame, and doing it alone. Also want to be more focused on the hobbies I enjoy and family time. I know I need to talk with my wife about this for accountability and for her to know I want to change. She knows I've been depressed, and even myself I couldn't find the reason, but since coming here, I've found a lot of answers to my problems, I just need to follow through. It helps so much having a large group that is going through the same issues. I always wished my wife masterbated, never understood why she didn't, but now I realize that she's better off not having these issues,that have torn us down in many ways. Feels good to get these thoughts out there, thanks to anyone whose reading and going through similar issues.
     
  2. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

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    I think that’s great you’re staying strong and planning to bring your wife in on your recovery. You say you are passive; I have a feeling that persisting with NoFap will make it easier for you to take the initiative. We just need to keep going with this.
     
  3. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

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    I guess this day 24 for me. The temptation is starting to ramp up a bit. I was having dreams about masturbating last night (which is so stupid — why not just dream about actual sex?). It is funny how my mind has changed as I’ve aged; as a teenager I fantasized about sex, but in adulthood so much of my fantasy (and pre-girlfriend, real-life sexual encounters centered around my hand touching myself). I feel like a significant, psychological change is afoot, and I am very excited to see how I transform. I feel like I drifted away, little by little, from my authentic self through years of masturbating. I don’t mention P a whole lot, because I don’t see that as the root issue. I have looked at plenty of P, but it was always while masturbating. And I was able to quit porn but keep masturbating addictively with my imagination. As I think I stated in an earlier post, I don’t think that masturbation is inherently evil or unhealthy. But for me, it’s clearly outstayed its welcome
     
  4. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

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    Wow, 25 days. I’m pretty impressed I’ve made it this far. I definitely feel temptation creeping in, but I feel committed and don’t plan on letting it mess me up.
     
  5. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

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    Had a pretty intense sex dream last night. The cravings are intensifying. I’m just trying to play the tape through in my head, remember that whatever feting pleasures relapse may bring will be instantly overshadowed by guilt, depression and anxiety. This is day 26, and I’ve been experiencing a lack of pleasure in activities I normally enjoy. It’s hard to tell where other problems — for instance, the stress of the coronavirus — end, and NoFap withdrawal symptoms begin. Whatever temptations come my way, I am ready to accept the discomfort and keep my streak going.
     
  6. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

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    Day 27. It’s amazing how deeply I am able to sleep minus M.
     
  7. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

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    Day 29. Wow, I watched a movie yesterday that didn’t even have nudity — just PG-13 levels of cleavage — and I felt like a teenager again. It’s amazing how I’m starting to feel closer to how I used to (even when I was masturbating). My suspicion is that the negative effects of masturbation, like any addiction, may be cumulative. Anyway, this is getting more challenging, but I am so happy with how deeply I am sleeping, I don’t want to quit. Also, I feel like my tastes may already be starting to transform back to something healthier
     
  8. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

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    Well, this is day 30 of no masturbation. The quality of my sleep has dramatically improved and, despite some temptation, feel inspired to continue. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t occasionally glance at a sexy Instagram account, or see nudity in narrative cinema (or indulge the urge to Google hot actresses), but I’m not looking at porn and I’m not jerking off and it feels good.
     
  9. 72jbjekapm

    72jbjekapm Fapstronaut

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    Awesome man, I've been doing alright myself, been 19 days for me, no pm, longest ever. Congrats
     
    HellComestoFrogtown likes this.
  10. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

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    Dude! 19 days is an amazing streak. We just need to keep pushing
     
  11. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

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    Day 31. I’m surprised I was able to make it this far without any major issues. I had a strange episode yesterday where I got furious at my gf. She nagged me yesterday I was just unbelievably annoyed afterwards. I found myself obsessing over physical flaws of hers and thinking “well, maybe we won’t be together forever” (which is quite unusual for me). I’m suddenly more concerned about my appearance than I usually am (prior to getting together with my girlfriend three years ago, I was very fit, handsome and had hair on my head. Now, I shave my head due to hair loss and have chubbed up a bit and gone pretty gray. It’s a head trip suddenly looking so much older and less attractive).
     
  12. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

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    Day 32. I’ve been feeling strangely critical and dissatisfied by my girlfriend lately. I assume this is a side effect of NoFap (it’s a pretty foreign sensation) and is probably my brain looking for a fix; if it can’t get fantasy, it seems to want reality. I actually a very real-feeling, sad sense that my girlfriend and I were going to split up (this was only in my head, my girlfriend wasn’t aware). I assume as I press on my brain will stop seeking everywhere but home for sexual satisfaction.
     
  13. 72jbjekapm

    72jbjekapm Fapstronaut

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    Congrats on 31 days, it's hard with the lady's are not aware of what's going on in our heads when we are struggling with this. My wife says I don't really have an issue, but it's how it's making me feel that I am caring about the most at the moment, the depression, guilt, lack of focus. She has been more forthcoming of taking care of my needs, which I can't complain about, I'd like to kick it up, get more kinky, but with time. I snapped and lost my shit few days ago, wishing kids should realize they should help around the house. Wife has been offering to cut my hair now, getting little rough, due to covid, I haven't had a cut in awhile. I'm going bald and gray as well, but it sure as hell grows around the sides and back like weeds. When she gets more time, I'll probably let her cut it. I used to be in great shape too, miss working out, but have to many other fun habits to pass the time. I haven't viewed pm for awhile and I have noticed a tremendous difference in how I'm feeling, hoping I can keep rolling with it. Had a beer for 1st time since I started nofap, around my new fire pit, which was nice, one of my other things that I feel guilty about, trying to catch a buzz that never happens. No loss there though, I'm feeling so much better. Hoping to focus on learning some whole songs to play around my new fire pit.
     
  14. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for sharing that. It’s nice to know I’m not the only balding/greying guy haha. As for losing your temper, I think everyone is on edge now. I’ve felt my own temper flare going through this transition. That’s great your wife is so supportive. My girlfriend as well doesn’t care if I jerk off or look at porn. I’ve had to explain that I don’t like the way it makes me feel.
     
  15. 72jbjekapm

    72jbjekapm Fapstronaut

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    Guess what matters most, is how it is affecting us personally. At least they're not pissed, or hurt about it, one less thing to work against us..
     
  16. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, we both lucked out!
     
  17. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

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    Day 34. I’ve been on edge lately with current events and that has been majorly affecting my sleep. I also keep having lustful thoughts. Interestingly, I am far less interested in porn than I am in real sex... with women that are not my girlfriend. That said, I am NOT a cheater and would never act on these thoughts (I my current physical shape, it also might not be an option haha). I think my brain is getting the message that porn isn’t an option, and so it is looking elsewhere for a thrill. It’s going to have to learn to be satisfied with what it has
     
  18. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

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    Day 35. Been super on edge with circumstantial stressors, but haven’t had much urge to relapse. My therapist’s eyes almost popped from his skull when I told him I hadn’t jerked off in 35 days
     
  19. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

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    Day 41. Wow. My posts have thinned out a little, but my streak has kept going. I’m starting to flatline a little. I keep revisiting pre-relationship sexual experiences in my head and fantasizing about real sex with women other than my girlfriend. However, I am also starting to feel like my relationship satisfaction is increasing. I am absolutely blown away by my increased stress tolerance as a result of NoFap. I hope they continue to do more research on it’s effects; my instinct is that the little research that has been done doesn’t properly measure the benefits of it. My OCD anxiety condition was been lower, despite the country being on fire
     
  20. 72jbjekapm

    72jbjekapm Fapstronaut

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    Congrats on day 41, today for me is my first #30, I couldn't agree with you more with the feelings of success. Yes, some of the struggles are there, but I haven't felt this good about a lot of things in my life. Relationship with the wife has improved, she is aware of my struggles. I feel more connected with her during sex and other areas of out relationship. I've actually been enjoying the times with my kids more. I'm trying to think about how I'm feeling in the moment and remember how great these times feel. I've only drank 3 beers during these 3 days and also been weening myself off my anxiety script, which I take to help me sleep, cause I think too much can't fall asleep. I've also been doing better at sitting still and watching some TV, instead of beening on my feet, feeling like I have to stay busy. I'd like to get back into exercising, but worried about my damn neck. It flair's up, with slight movement, wife trying to get me on diet to ease inflammation, but it's beyond that. Also the humidity has been keeping us inside during the day, a nice evening walk is about the extent of my exercise, I used to be a gym rat, but neck problems and working nights changed all that.
     
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