disappointed. so disappointed in myself

I've been battling with porn addiction for the past three years after figuring out I was addicted and I recently read something I posted a while back last year:

"Im going to update my day counter, I WAS at 231 days no PM, but im not sad its a new me and im NEVER going to look at porn again i promise."

I PMO'd this morning. How could I go so far last time and now it seems impossible to go a week without it. It starts off fine and I feel I can go without it once I break the 5th day, but the 6th and 7th days are just a mindfog and I ALWAYS relapse. This has been going on for the past year or so. I made it my new years resolution to to abstain from PM, but here I am on the third day...failed. I know porn affects my personal and sexual life, not to mention the disastrous effects it has on my overall mood and confidence, so why then do I keep going back to it. I'm crying now writing this I'm so tired and over this addiction. I just want to stop.

I'm looking to find new methods to help me quit again. I realized that I posted a lot more during my initial 231 days PMO free and that seemed to help. Does anyone know to make a journal on here so that I can write every day without bogging down the main threads? I take cold showers every day, but those aren't helping much anymore to stop the urges. Would anymore want to message me about being an accountability partner? I've heard it's really productive and lets you fight your own battles with support. Could just message on here every day?

In short, this is a cry for help. I did it alone last time, but I can't do it alone anymore. My porn usage and content are out of control, and it can't go on much longer.

 

thanks for the suggestion. I've tried that in the past, but I've always just removed those p blockers to get to it. It seems that when I'm committed to PMOing, nothing will get in the way once I start.