Does avoiding PMO help with talking to real women?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by SaturnDaytona456, May 20, 2020.

  1. SaturnDaytona456

    SaturnDaytona456 Fapstronaut

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    Hello. I know that avoiding PMO tends to help my social skills especially around women, but I've been trying to figure out exactly how much it's helping. Some days I feel that it helps a TON while other days (especially flatline days) it almost seems to do more harm than good. I have been trying to figure out what's going on and it's not always easy to read or predict myself. I talk to women I'm attracted to every day at my job and my best results seem to be around day 25, but it helps to be even a week or two into a streak. I'm doing a heck of a lot better even since cutting way the hell back, and learning to put myself out there more in general. How much does it help you?
     
  2. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    If you are in flatline, you are really low on motivation, energy and probably confidence. This is similar or worst than a PMO state. It's normal that in this phase your social skills will suffer.
    Doing nofap and out of flatline fills you with motivation, energy, drive, happiness and confidence. All of that make it easier for you to speak with anyone.
     
    SaturnDaytona456 likes this.
  3. SaturnDaytona456

    SaturnDaytona456 Fapstronaut

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    I have noticed that, and somewhat troublingly, some of my best and most social days have been the day of or day after a flatline ending relapse. I am trying to read myself and LEARN myself as quickly as possible, I'm learning to optimize myself and my inhibitions, any additional insight would be incredible.
     
  4. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    Just let it be! keep working on yourself and eventually your brain will heal and flatline periods will be over.
     
  5. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    What helps with talking to women or anyone in general is actually gaining experience talking to others.

    When you indulge in PMO or any other sort of escapism to numb out any tension you're feeling... you condition yourself to avoid discomfort / uncertainty / unideal situations / situations that bring tension.

    A lot of people think that they need to be bulletproof and not feel any unwanted feelings before talking to others or taking any form of risk. It will always feel uncomfortable or scary until you've gained competence and confidence. Repeated acts of courage eventually leads to competence. Repeated competence leads to confidence. Repeated confidence leads to more courage to take future risks in other areas where you aren't competent or confident.... but without the courage to do something that might not work and something that scares you... you won't gain those necessary experiences. You'll just keep putting it off procrastinating waiting until you're perfect and absolutely ready.

    Circumstances are made not to matter as much by experiencing all kinds of circumstances surrounding that thing that you're trying to get better at. You can't be ready for every possible scenario that you haven't expected or experienced yet.

    The caves you fear the most holds the treasures you seek. You can't wait to have the treasure before even going into the cave.

    Depending on Nofap superpowers / benefits to make you somehow skip the courage part right into magically having competence and confidence at something you don't have much experience with is just another form of escapism. To kill tension. To run towards the comfortable, known, and predictable.... but it's the tension, uncomfortable, unknown, and unpredictable is where you challenge yourself to gain competence / confidence / self worth. Surviving the act of taking risks (whether it's a failed or successful outcome) develops self worth. Avoiding risks might feel comfortable in the short run, but it becomes very uncomfortable in the long run. Taking and enjoying risks feels uncomfortable and emotionally volatile in the short run, but very rewarding in the long run.

    Don't wait for nofap benefits. Don't wait to feel better or to feel ready. Develop your courage. Take risks. Get your ass kicked by life.
     
    Nomar, Metis07 and LordQuas like this.
  6. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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  7. dandausa

    dandausa Fapstronaut

    I personally think it does help some. But it's more about not objectifying them. If you're thinking of them as a sex object you're just not going to be able to talk to them like a normal person. If you have ulterior motives every time you talk to a person are you going to feel comfortable talking to them? If you think about them as a human being like you do with your friends then it gets way easier.
     
  8. MrYang29

    MrYang29 Fapstronaut

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    it helps to reduce anxiety and boost your confidence. but still, need to practice if wanna be good with women.
     
  9. SaturnDaytona456

    SaturnDaytona456 Fapstronaut

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    What does everyone make of the below article? (I'm not going to quote you all) It seems like there is a lot of truth to this whole "sexual energy" thing. I really don't want it to be true, because I've relapsed often, but I'm worried that porn is giving me way too much anxiety. I have gotten REALLY good at talking to attractive women, but porn messes with my overall anxiety a TON, in a way that seems to negatively effect my dating life. I'm going to step up my game.

    https://manvsfap.com/nofap-attraction/
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2020
  10. SaturnDaytona456

    SaturnDaytona456 Fapstronaut

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    The flatline can be deeply helpful for me at times, but it can also crush me completely and waste my days. I am very dedicated to controlling my emotion (avoid caffeine, get exercise, don't eat sugar etc) but flatline can really blow me out of the water and make controlling emotion impossible. Do you really think that the flatline periods will end at some point? That is helpful information, I am actually super curious and eager to know more. I seemed great at day 43 but that's a ways off. Tell me what you can.
     
  11. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    Random bad days are gonna be always there. But they are not going to be as bad as in flatline. Flatline always fade away with time after the brain heal. There's no single post on nofap that the flatline lasted forever, i can take more than you think but someday it will go forever.
     
  12. MrYang29

    MrYang29 Fapstronaut

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    ya of course when you're retaining women can feel it, your energy. but, still need to work on your game. it's not only one thing that you need to work, it's a combination of different works.
     
  13. SaturnDaytona456

    SaturnDaytona456 Fapstronaut

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    Game is for real. I've been working on a ton of things, it seems to be working, it's just hard to be patient. I suppose it's easier to be patient than it used to be. I have learned so much but I suppose the journey is just beginning
     

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