Does recovery have an end?

Hi community, I keep reading from different rebooters that recovery’s not linear and I can get it, cause in the last couple of months I had horrible withdrawals weeks, now some days it’s actually better and I almost feel like I‘ve always been in terms of psychological sensations (besides some moments in which my mind seems disconnected but I guess it’ll pass with time) anyway my question is

if recovery’s not linear and I feel better for some time then very bad afterwards, how do I know when my mood has reached a stable situation? And, consequentially, I’m fully recovered?

Because right now I’m scared that after good days bad withdrawals may come, I mean, does this emotional cycle of alternate moods ever stop? Or it’s gonna be like this and I won’t know what to expect in the months to come forever? Hope I was clear

 

sorry I don’t get what you mean

 

I get it, so as long as I feel kinda strange mentally speaking (with strange thoughts etc.) I’m not over yet
So you recovered if you tell me that feeling is a breath of air but can I ask you why do you keep visiting this forum? For staying on track or because you relapsed? If I’m not too indiscreet

 

I get what you’re saying, I’m 4 months in and had very bad depressive thoughts mixed with a sense of void and hopelesness and anxious weeks during my 3rd month
now I’m definitely feeling better than those days but strange helpless thoughts which I never experienced in my life occur to my mind sometimes during the day and I’m afraid I won’t be able to get rid of then since my mind produced them and it’s impossible to erase a thought, that’s my biggest fear cause I feel better now but still these thoughts keep me company and I wish they didn’t

 

If I have to be honest, I never experienced any depressive or helpless sensation even when I wasn’t PMOing

I’ve always been quite a positive person before I stopped and after 2 months withdrawals started to kick in (the first weeks I only had headaches and some sort of derealization)
All of a sudden some panic attacks depression, anxiety, existential void, a feeling like nothing made sense arised from nowhere so it must be abstinence-induced, maybe due to the brain changes that were happening and still are, so with me I don’t think it’s a matter of solving my inner problems with depression I used to avoid PMOing, these sensations came out suddenly and without a reason, you get me mate? Anyway the fact I felt a lil better during the last weeks makes me hope for the best

 

Yes, I scrutinise them and try to work on myself to minimize some perceptions (which actually happened during this month) my question was if once completely recovered some of these bad sensations will stay with me or I’ll come back to my normal state (in a better “shape” considering i eradicated PMO from my life)
anyway wow, 3.5 years of recovery, when did you start to feel you were completely healed and what kind of withdrawals did you experience?

I won’t go back to PMO, if this is what it can create in a human being’s mind that’s hell on earth

 

Gonna explain briefly my reboot story so far cause I don’t want to annoy you:
I abstained from PMO for 1 year but never exeperienced any withdrawals, probably cause I didn’t face reboot as it must be done (I kept my mind on p stuff and peeked to some p subs so it kinda was an abstinence from MO)
Then, this July, I fell into the trap of watching P again and started doing it compulsively until September
first weeks I experienced severe headaches and some nausea but I peeked in some sexual photos so I kept my mind focused on P stuff
in the first days of October this escalated in a panic attack out of nowhere. Some weeks later (after this I went cold turkey, not even a sexual thought) I felt better, just some derealization (like I was living in a movie and not in real life, guess it was brain fog)
Then at almost 90 days I had two weeks of depression, anxiety, disrupted sleep, sense of void (sensation that nothing rly makes sense in life) just when I thought I wouldn’t have experienced other withdrawals.
Then I experienced disrupted sleep and insomnia for some weeks
After that, 3 and a half months in I slowly started feeling a little bit better till now, where I still feel kinda “strange” in my mind but not like I felt in the months before, not at all actually

so I don’t know anything about phases of reboot, I just know I feel a little better but I’m scared I can feel bad once again in a week or two, cause recovery’s not linear, that’s why I wanted to know if once healed this cycle of periodical withdrawal will definitely end

that’s my story more or less

 

Yes you made a good point, but the moment you consciounsly choose to never watch P again cause you know what it can make to your mind you can consider ENDED your evil journey into porn, but you gotta be definitive

 

Yes, it’s probably like you say but when you’re in the middle of withdrawals it’s hard to think that waves will get smaller, I mean, I actually wish that waves will definitely calm down, not come in rare flashes