Enough is enough...

[Deleted Account]

Hello!
I feel a little uneasy about joining and writing about myself on the internet but I'm trying to reinvent myself so who gives a f**k. Last night I was re-reading a book called Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k (great book highly suggest it) and in one of the chapters P was mentioned. It got me thinking about my own P tendencies, which took me down a rabbit hole of research, leading me to this site. After reading a bunch of success stories I made up my mind that I would quit.

So a little about me, ever since I can remember I have been P obsessed, and honestly until last night didn't realize the effect it had on my life. I'm 20 now and I think that I was introduced to P in 5th grade and voraciously M until now. I've also had a rough sexual life, I was taken advantage of by a family member which I think just spurred on my sexual rage, and now that I'm in college I've found solace in booze and pointless hookups with women. Last night as I was reading the stories I realized how much I had in common with people on these forums and almost puked because of how dumb I was. I can't remember the last time I got MW and I even think I got PIED a couple of times when trying to get with some women. Oh and I don't think I have EVER gotten a WD in my life. I can distinctly remember so many situations where I feel socially weird or awkward, or I couldn't look someone directly in the eyes because I thought that somehow they would see what was beneath me and inside of me. I specifically remember when I was leaving my grandparent's house and getting called out for trying to give my grandma a hickey. I was young probably 10 or 11 and I just couldn't control myself.

My P addiction started slow, mostly vanilla shit. But as I got older and more experienced I was watching hardcore, deepthroat, I went through an anal M phase and most recently I've been hooked on JOIs. A lot of times I was left alone I would just M for hours sometimes even on Omegle. I would always feel guilty after or alone and I have always felt some sort of haze or barrier in my head blocking me from the good or positive thoughts I want to have. I wholeheartedly believe that this is from watching P. Some of the worst I have ever felt was after I'd M for the 7-8th time that day.

Last year, around this time, I was really in the dumps and decided to start working on myself. I started working out and reading more books, drinking less, quit smoking weed. I even slowed down on the P/M but I was noticing that I would take 1 step forward and 4 steps back and couldn't understand why. This morning for the first time ever in my life I took a cold shower and didn't even turn the heat knob because it was suggested. I know it's my second day but I feel like I have been working for this for a while. Please if you have any tips for me or just want to talk about progress or really anything please reply to this. I would love to get to know fellow Fapstronauts and hear y'alls stories!

 

[thatcactusguy]

Welcome to the forum! It's interesting to hear about how you found this site through your rabbit-hole of research. I remember finding this site in a similar way. I had seen a post somewhere that mentioned P addiction, I did some looking around, was introduced to the concept of a P addiction, and this site popped up. Every success story that comes out of this site is different. A lot of people use similar approaches, but everyone has at least one thing or another that works really well for them.

I know it's my second day but I feel like I have been working for this for a while.

Something that I have had recommended to me is to avoid placing emphasis on how many days you have been rebooting. There are a lot of people, including me, who do keep track of the # of days, but place more emphasis on the "one day at a time" mindset. Each day is a new goal and you feel a sense of progress no matter how far you are into your reboot.

great book highly suggest it

A book recommendation that I can give you is Unf*ck Yourself, by Gary John Bishop. It is formatted so that you can reference the chapters out of order depending on what you need. I've read it once a while ago, and I recently picked it up again to revisit some of the chapters. In addition to that, there is always the classic Your Brain on Porn, by Gary Wilson which is a well known book in the P addiction recovery world, even if it was published in 2014.

Some people choose to make a journal thread in the Reboot Logs section of the forum. Consider checking some of those out to see if it is something that you would find helpful.

Biggest advice: set attainable goals and be aware of the situations or things that trigger your body to desire PMO or other negative behaviors.

If you'd like someone to talk to about anything or an accountability partner, let me know! Otherwise, happy rebooting!