Female Ex-Porn Addict wanting advice on dopamine

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Karissa Best, Jul 21, 2017.

  1. Karissa Best

    Karissa Best Fapstronaut

    7
    7
    3
    I've been over a year without porn,
    Me and my partner were both triggered by some content on my phone, we both successfully got through the dopamine rush-which just wore off after about 6 minutes.
    Still feeling a little funny, it really is like a drug! I forgot all about that feeling....
    I guess I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, but I'm going to succeed...we both are....
    Thanks to the support of this group and others I feel like I've got enough awareness now to be able to see through the dopamine rather than it take control of me. My partner struggled a little bit more than I did to recognize that it was dopamine, but once he did he was a little embarrassed- I'm proud that he even recognized it at all! It's all looking a little more positive now...im feeling more trusting of him.
    The problem I'm having is, I used to be severely addicted to porn....to the point of even pretending to go to the toilet just to watch it if me and my partner had company....I had quit before I met my new partner and he quit since meeting me (after a period of time lying about it..hence trust issues). After today's trigger, I realised I haven't been aroused like that SINCE I last watched porn over a year ago. Does this feeling ever come back to real sex, or was it never there in the first place? I feel sad that I haven't been THAT aroused in a year, I feel worried that THAT is what I'm giving up to be without porn....is that extreme excitement.
    Im feeling a bit down now and just hoping someone can keep me on the right track.
    Thanks in advance!
     
  2. Karissa Best

    Karissa Best Fapstronaut

    7
    7
    3
    Also I'm feeling so upset that my partner feels a picture of me MORE arousing than me in real life...even though I understand porn and have these issues myself....it still hurts me to my core.
     
  3. Jarom

    Jarom Fapstronaut

    40
    31
    18
    Actually I am feeling the same exact way. I just finished a movie I have watched before, but forgot about a sexual scene. The same rush I used to get came back, and I wanted to sneak off to pm. However, I stopped and reviewed the feelings I was having and the moment of the rush. I gave myself a little pep talk about these feelings, and how I should manage them. I am only currently 44 days into my goal, so I understand your rush, and the amount energy it takes to settle the dopamine rush.
     
    Karissa Best likes this.
  4. Porn addiction within a relationship often causes problems, I am surprised that both of you were aflicted by the addiction, the norm is generally the man who is hooked and the partner is left picking up the pieces. It's good that you are both helping each other, that shows you are both committed to each other and that is nice. I've been abstinent for coming up to 3 years but I can't comment about the dynamics in a relationship since it's been 10 years for me when I was last in one. What I will say is part of overcomming porn addiction is living a different lifestyle, ie: replacing your outlets such as excitement and creativity. I've picked up old hobbies I lost interest in years ago, do more exercise and spend more time learning and helping others where before I was pretty much only concerned with feeding my addiction. I wonder if some kind of relationship counselling could be useful for both of you? I don't know where you are from but in my country there is a charity called 'relate' which help couples to overcome their difficulties. I couldn't have overcome my problems on my own, I had help from good people, some professional and some, just kind hearted individuals who wanted to support my new life. I can recommend a book to you called 'The Porn Trap' by Larry and Wendy Maltz which talks about strategies for recovery and relationship healing and I think would be useful for both of you to read.
     
    Nofababdo and Yo3232 like this.
  5. aingdk11

    aingdk11 Fapstronaut

    109
    60
    28
    Hardcore pmo addict here since 15yo and now im 30yo been clean 7month after tons of relapse and and a year of struggling..i feel i already normal again and feels like a real man and i alreadt achieving the benefit of NoFap.i can having a great sex with my girl for 30minute thats something that i cant belive gonna happen to me years ago.so push yourself to the limit quit pmo or mo back to the natural state body and mind i believe everyone can do it.goodluck!
     
  6. franco216

    franco216 Fapstronaut

    229
    138
    43
    Well according to the practice of "rebooting" advocated here, getting off porn for long enough is the pathway to build real-life attraction again.

    While being PMO-free might be necessary, I feel that the actual goal is to achieve actual intimacy with a partner. And, in theory, a sane, intimate relationship includes mutual attraction and passionate sex. I don't know myself if I will ever feel as aroused from the real thing as I regularly felt from my most intense PMO-sessions. I wrote about that a bit in the last comments of my journal.

    So to me, there are two possibilities: Either porn was a substitute for real sex (for both, your partner and yourself) and by abstaining for long enough you will rebuild a sensitivity to the real thing. OR porn is - for you or your partner - something else, a retreat to fantasy that can barely achieved in a real relationship because fantasy-land is so different from real sex - regardless how good the sex is.

    I speculate that the process of giving up fantasy might take much longer time. Maybe I will long for PMO for the rest of my life and I can never defeat the daemon, just constrain it a bit. I would still argue that, the less porn I consume the better (for my actual sex life).
     
  7. congrats on your one year
    and thanks for sharing this with us.
    good for you on recognising and being aware
    of what was happening.
    stay strong!

    recently has a similar arousal story.
    mine involved listening to female friend
    who talks a lot about sex.

    i felt kinda high and thought it was
    the sugary treat i was eating
    (most likely was both.)
    until you posted this i didnt even make the
    connection. most def was getting a dopamine rush
    as well.

    the excitement
    that PMO gives is temporary (so many ill effects) and invariably gets us all into trouble
    the benefits and quality of life without PMO are so worth it.
     
    Hopefulgirl likes this.

Share This Page