Forgiveness

This is a tough subject, isn’t it? Most walks of life, spirituality & religions stress the importance of forgiveness, but how often do we really put this into practice?

Let me share a bit of my own story with forgiveness, for it could help you. It was how I got hooked on masturbation in the first place. We need to roll back the calendar a few (okay, many many) pages...

I was 11 years old, maybe 10, maybe 12, but you know that age. Young. Vulnerable. I was especially vulnerable, since I was homeschooled in a divorced family. Alone. Friendless. It was here my mum decided it was wise to ship me off to cheap summer camps so that at least someone would be watching over me.

It was on an adventure themed camp-thing that I met an older boy who first introduced me to the concept of masturbation. Seeking to gain his approval and have something to bind with him in, I tried it out. Shortly after, we were on the grand finale, an actual camping trip. It was there a spider bit him on his lip, and I slept alone in a horribly leaking tent. It was a miserable trip for everyone.

Still wanting friendship, I offered him my phone number. He never called. That hurt, and I never really forgot that.

Ever since then, it has been like my life has been a huge re-enactment of that time. I seek friendship, get some false-affection, suffer alone in the cold and in the end my friends turn their backs to me.

Sometimes I am tempted to pray and ask God to send a spider to bite them on their lips. But I need not even ask, for that kind of stuff just happens all on its own, doesn’t it? In this, unforgiveness & resentment do nothing. They only hurt me. What happens to the other person really shouldn’t concern me whatsoever. Thinking about them negatively just produces negative feelings in me. Life, fate, karma, God or whatever you want to call it does an excellent job of working things out if we just step back and let things happen without our interference.

So I forgave this fellow, and then you know what? I forgave my mum too. After all, I only met him because she sent me off. I so wished things could be different, but here I am today with a lesson about forgiveness because of it. So I accept the decades of hardship with gratefulness, dignity and grace...because through doing that I can finally get out of that cold tent where I was alone and into the arms of warmth and love.

That is why we must forgive. Things will sort themselves out with or without us and people will get what they deserve in the end...so forgive so that you can enter your deserved place of warmth. And maybe too, in that happy place, PMO-addiction would finally be a thing of the past.

So! I challenge you! To make this real for yourself...

1. What is your story of how you first got into PMO?
2. Is there any forgiveness you need to make towards anyone?
3. Make it so, let it go and be free

 

Just curious, is there anything about the situation or circumstance which got you first involved with porn that you feel any negativity towards? I’ve heard of people forgiving trees that they crashed their cars into and then suddenedly feeling better, like...they were angry at the tree for being where it was lol

I could so see someone being angry with the internet for simply existing, you know?

I wish you all the best in your continued recovery & hope this little exercise helps you find what you are seeking

 

No worries

Yeah, for your case, pursue disciplines. Cold showers. Meditation. Exercise. Fasting. Anything to discipline & sharpen the mind and body.

 

@RightEffort Thx for your words, may you find even more freedom

@Nugget9 Yeah, it’s not a common thought, but it’s a good one to consider if we find ourselves perpetually stuck. Coming free from addiction can be so much like climbing a mountain, so much more difficult, maybe some passages impassible, with our baggage from the past. I really hope this helps make your way forward easier

Hey @Jerry120 thanks for reading! I like stories for how they can show us & each other a glimpse of the ways we’ve gone, then together we can find better ways through sharing, listening, considering then speaking wisdom & love to each other.

So thanks for sharing your story

It sounds like P became a substitute for human connection for you? When you say you got most hooked in far off job sites, that’s what comes to mind. If I’m mistaken, please correct me...I’m just trying to better understand you.

I hear ya on that hate. Porn really messed me up too and what it’s doing in the lives of so many is seemingly unforgiveable. The pain, the suffering of deep personal loss...all for a few bucks. It seems so right to hate what is obviously such a destructive thing. I get that. I’ve wrestled with rage. It’s a tough one to put down.

I admire your honesty here, because you so right. Forgiveness HAS to mean something for it to be effective. The more meaningful it is, the more effective it will be. I believe the answers for each of our cases needs to be unique, I can’t give them to you but I can journey with you and help you find your own meaningful answer. You don’t need to do this alone, unless you want to? And that is totally fine too. This is your journey, you get to choose how you walk it.

Because I know this helped me, I’ll share it with you. This woman has a powerful story. I drew so much from it, but it is a tough one to hear.



What does her story teach you about yours? I know for me, it helped destroy my excuses, but it also gave me something more which helped me grasp forgiveness. Do you see something more in her story for you to look forward to? What does her story speak to you? Do you hear hope? Do you hear power? Do you hear freedom? What comes across as the biggest point to you for your own story?

Tough one to face I know, I wish I could tell you all about how I wrestled with unforgiveness. Maybe I should! Maybe I should tell you how I became sick, the emotions just too much for my body to handle. If you want, I’ll spill all my stuff if it would help you. Just let me know! I hope something in all this helps you find meaning in forgiveness. I can ask you some more questions later to see if we can find you some deeper meaning. See you around

 

Hey everyone! There is so much I could respond to here but I am short on time so don’t mind if I don’t respond to everyone and everything individually. I’ve seen some excellent points made that I didn’t write, so thank you for filling in the blanks.

I see a common thread through these points though, something that lies in the heart of forgiveness. It doesn’t exist to let bad things keep happening, it exists to move you on to freedom and wholeness. So yeah, be careful with the rest of your life in how it pertains to practicing forgiveness. Are you moving closer to being the person you want to be, or further in cycles of misery? Forgiveness should help set you free! Let that help guide you

I know right! That lady is a powerhouse on this topic! She’s blasted me so many times.

I think writing the letter would be a great practice. It would help you exercise and examine your heart. I personally find writing to be deeply therapeutic. When your heart-thoughts are there on paper, it gives your mind a chance to see what is there in a totally different way. It helps your mind and heart connect.

So I hope through writing this letter that you come into forming your own powerful story of forgiveness. As far as sending it, the choice is yours to make...for your consideration I’ll offer you my counsel. The porn industry is pretty far gone...while I’d so love to see your words blast them and change the entire industry in one fell swoop (and I believe such things are possible) I gotta prepare you by saying that you’d have to be ready to face rejection. The kind of stuff they are in can twist even the most beautiful of word, and in turn, twist them against you. Your words can be perfect, but to people who are too far gone...they just make a perfect club to beat you over the head with.

So, not telling you what to, just shining a light on this so that you have make an informed choice. Whatever you do, I’ve got your back, comrade

o7