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Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by BBX555, Aug 13, 2015.
Matter of fact, yes! Actually, finished all the bananas that were on the dinning room table
Have you considered apologizing for that and afterwards telling them, "BUT I'm doing NoFap now, so it's okay"?
It would a good thing to do. But right now, I have no courage to initiate. Will respond if approached.
I'm sorry to hear what happened, I would struggle, as would anyone in your situation.
Try to see the funny side I suppose, its not like you got caught 'charming the snake', which happened to me once.
Learn from your mistakes, and be careful
That is some American Pie shit. I would destroy that faplet since everytime they will see you holding it they will imagine you holding it with one hand while jerking off with the other.
Even worse than to be caught is the constant fear of it. I think that's another thing we all want to leave behind us.
I'm always so cautious. Not only with my own computer but with others too. As if on everyone's computer would be a browser history full of porn. Is there a word for it? Porn-angst?
Why do you feel so guilty? I realize this is "NoFap" and most people here feel pornography (and perhaps masturbation) are evil, but I'm not so sure that case holds water all of the time. Have you ever considered why there is such stigma attached to all of this, or if that stigma makes sense? It sounds like instead of your family yelling at you, criticizing you, or making fun of you, you're already doing most of the work for them with all this self-flagellation.
I have a lot of anxiety so I know that I would feel the same as you do in your situation. But it's how YOU feel, how you interpreted the silence, and may not represent reality. Ergo, you are completely capable of reframing it.
Back in the 90's, I rented porn from a video store. I also borrowed movies from the library. Naturally the day came when I got them mixed up & put "Lick it Quick" in the return box at the library. I noticed it almost immediately but had to then ask the librarian for the tape I accidently gave her. She kind of laughed & gave it to me but I was humiliated. Funny story now though.
How strong is an addiction when you have stories like that but keep using?
I don't know why you are on this forum, hopefully it's not to convince us little ones that pornography is the most wonderful human discovery ever !!! For many of us (especially me) we are here because we have realized that pornography is a problem, a real addiction problem that is interfering with our lives. And we want to stop this addiction. I turn to addiction to deal with life and painful situations and have not learned to handle life in a mature way. For me, there is no such a thing as a stigma when it comes to porn. It is simply wrong and unhealthy whether done in private or when found out. Yes, I was embarrassed to be found out, but I was already feeling that this was a problem even before that. I shall not debate the morality of porn since that is a personal thing. But the science is clear. You just have to look at yourbrainonporn website to find out or listen to to an ex porn performer to demystify the lies. Anyway, porn is wrong for me, whether I'm found out or not, and I am here to learn to stop this addiction for life, not just for some brief moment.
Hardly. See, you have the same idea that pornography must be either good or bad. Black & white. Easy to fall into this trap since if you have a porn "addiction" it clearly wouldn't be "good" for you, so therefore, it must be bad. What I'm suggesting is that the OP take a value-neutral stance on porn since my reading of his post is that he is filled with shame/embarassment. So in general (some obvious exceptions otherwise) it is neither good nor bad. If there is nothing to be ashamed of by watching porn, then that turns "being discovered" from an OMG FML moment into a comical moment at the OP's expense, or better yet, nothing.
Social norms around sexuality shape what we find embarassing or shameful. American culture seems to be overly puritanical about this sort of thing, so I am suggesting that if OP works on reframing the situation he might find some relief. Wearing nothing walking down the middle of Times Square is embarassing and probably will get you arrested. However, the same thing is normal on a nude beach. Being clothed on the beach might even be embarassing. You see, context matters.
@BBX555: Once again, I'm not here to advocate for consumption of pornography. And I never said that in my post, you implied it. And that's fine, if you want to. I just don't think it is helpful in the "recovery" process to feel guilt for no reason. From where I stand, that is counterproductive. You see this all of the time in other sorts of attempts to change. Relapse/"falling off the wagon" (which is common) becomes internalized as a failure, which breeds negativity and poor self-esteem, which in turn makes the likelihood of failure increase.
Wanting to improve yourself is a positive act. Injecting negativity into that strikes me as counterproductive.
When I was about 5, my family and I was at a friends house, and we pushed play on the vcr to watch a kids movie and a porn came on. I can still see the scene in my mind, very traumatic, specially because I didn't understand and no one took the time to explain. I'm sure they thought "they're just kids, they'll forget about it". Kids have a very impressionable mind. If this was me I would talk to my wife (very hard to do) and explain that you're getting help, and ask her to help you find a way to explain to the kids, after you take some time to let your mind comes down. If I am responsible for the future of my kids, then I am responsible for making amends and showing by example what it's like to be responsible for your actions. I've had to do that and the reward is much greater then hiding and hoping everyone would forget. You'll be OK, if you're at your bottom, there's no where to go but up.