I have had a very hard time with sexuality and I don't really know if I'm capable of forming a positive sexual relation with a woman. I suspect due to some trauma I began so associate sexual arousal with some pretty messed up stuff, namely vore and this is what I would primarily jerk off to growing up. I also liked the idea of femdom and facesitting. I was able to find porn for this and went in and out of sprees watching it then feeling disgusted with myself. It wasn't until my early 20s that I began to consider this deeply unhealthy, a lack of sexual contract until I was 27 probably compounded this problem but until recently I didn't realise how bad it was that I can barely get aroused by the idea and action of healthy sex. The last couple of months I started seeing a girl and fell for her pretty hard, I had some great experiences and an intense romantic attraction but when we were intimate I didn't feel arousal as much as an initial fear of intimacy then a deep sense of catharsis and heeling. This began to freak me out as I finally had the woman of my dreams no, better than a dream, in front of me but I couldn't get it up. I began to spiral and we fell apart and agreed to be friends and it's heartbreaking. I feel I have never been able to develop a healthy sexuality but for the first time I truly want to be well. During the last days of our relationship I noticed some improvements, my dick started working from making out and I found myself becoming mildly aroused thinking about our experiences but I developed an unhealthy craving to be near her again which lead to us breaking up. I have kicked all porn and been able to masturbate to healthy sexual fantasies but with relatively weak arousal but there is something there and that is probably the reason I'm still here to be honest. I must reboot and start dating again to have positive experiences with women, at the moment it feels like I'm walking across an invisible bridge, but if the sheer will to be well and make positive sexual associations is possible then I will do it.