Gaining sexual function

Still going, I've been busy at work which helps immensely, workouts going very well too.
Thinking more about women and how I need to be happy within myself and not use them as a crutch to fix things, I'm so grateful to have met my ex too and happy to be alive, sensory input and familiar autumnal smells/sounds feel very enjoyable so hopefully I'm getting more dopamine.
Will spend my time trying to make more money, loose some body fat, take care of myself and my surroundings and socialise and play guitar a lot. Will also start to make efforts to get back to dating but it won't take priority over building myself up.
Been spending more time in nature too.
I feel bored all the time now but generally stable.
No fetishes have bothered me and if they do they don't really arouse me, I also visualise horrible screaming sounds when I feel the slightest draw which probably helps.

 

It's from a website called how to stop being a cuck, I'm going to try to use the same principles to change my arousal template away from femdom.

 

Rollercoaster weekend, kept waking up with wood about every hour on Saturday and ended up MO-ing twice to vanilla fantasies then again Sunday night. Will have to plan something to stop me when I wake up super aroused. I still view it as a win that I thought of vanilla stuff and I'm definitely moving towards a healthy baseline.

 

Memories of my ex giving me a bj, probably helps having a recent(ish) experience as an anchor.

 

Relapsed and mo'd to vanilla fantasies wednesday and Thursday nights probably due to a chaser effect. Found a that after this some fetish thoughts returned, maybe as a way of my brain searching for dopamine. Good motivation to go back to hard mode and build another streak, I was noticing some pretty big improvements which is what ironically made me fall off.

 

Relapsing seems to have killed my libido and mood. Cried a bunch but had a tidy up and went for a walk which has calmed me down. Feels like I need a holiday from myself. I think the route of my submissive problems lies in wanting unconditional love and protection from women, which is an inversion of how it is naturally supposed to be. I have the strength and capacity to love myself and protect those around me. I find comfort from within and peace from knowing there is no end to this struggle.

 

Another day, some weak night wood and the strange no-outlet feeling building back up, went for another walk and to the gym. I don't feel motivated at all, could it be the mo even to healthy fantasies flattens my dopamine? I think tech addiction is also a problem, I'm on the early shift at work next week which will allow me to go on walks after I finish.

 

I only mo'd to vanilla fantasies but it still seems to deplete me. I know Andrew huberman refers to addiction as a narrowing of what a person finds pleasurable and I think Nofap seems to broaden my preferences and open up the arousal for vanilla which makes it easy to choose over less healthy stuff.

 

Another day down, libido and energy is picking back up, quite low mood but worked for 12hrs to keep stable. I'm at the point where I don't think I'll ever mo again to a fetish which is a win, now its just down to seeing if I can match the arousal levels with vanilla.

 

Mo'd to vanilla fantasies last night and libido has gone through the roof, vanilla thoughts are arousing me now but some fetish stuff came into my head and felt borderline psychedelic which isnt good. I need to flip this somehow. Will go for a walk later to clear my head and stop the urges, dont think I've felt this libido since I was in puberty so it's very challenging to deal with.

 

Went on a date and actually started to get aroused from this girl running her hands down my arm. I think I'm slowly getting better, feels like a miracle, don't think I'm ready for sex yet but I'm definitely rewiring/wiring. It's scary but if I stay out of fantasy and in reality I seem to respond really well. I keep reminding myself none of the fetish stuff is actually real, I interact in a completely different way with women irl.

 

Mo'd to vanilla fantasies again, been getting maybe 80% erections from it which is progress. I think I'm using it too much now and I kind of miss the edge I felt on my longer streak so will put another streak together.
The reason I got so motivated to change was the negative emotions of loosing someone I really liked, I think this is what tipped the scales in my favour.
I really think there's something to these fetishes stemming from the need to transmute negative emotions by sexualising feelings of failure and inadequacy. Been texting this girl and its like my dick starts working a bit just from positive interactions and contact, like there's a different frequency I can tune into and leave the negative shit behind.
I also felt protective of this girl and I think that's where healthy masculine dominance stems from instead of all the 'toxic masculinity' bs spouted these days.

 

Failed my streak but have wood whenever I wake up now which is cool. Mo'd to vanilla stuff I need to stop using my ex when I fantasize however as I need to learn to let go of people.
There's no excuse not to put a serious streak together now, weirdly I find the better my mood and confidence the less the fetish stuff bothers me.
A coue months ago I could barely get aroused to vanilla thoughts and experiences but I'm actually healing!

 

Went on a date and got a strong arousal response from making out and my dick started working pretty well.
Another positive step in rewiring rhat I'm very happy about. Once I fully negate the fetishes I will hopefully start to get a 100% arousal to this vanilla stuff and be in a great place in terms of sexual health.

 

Another date with the same girl and my arousal response peaked at about the same level as any fetish, If I can sustain it without my mind wandering or getting stuck in my head I don't think it will be long before I can have sex. It was a great rewiring experience and I'm really forming a connection with this girl. It's getting really hard to maintain streaks now as I've relapsed after both dates but was able to use the experiences for mo to vanilla stuff. I need to build a good streak before next daye just to be able to reset and rewire with a higher libido and healthier dopamine system.