Games Being Like PMO?

Hi ThreeEyedFish,

your post reflects a certain attitude that I observed in the nofap forums here and there. I tried to make this attitude explicit and voiced some criticsm here:

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/alternative-theories-on-porn-addiction.75050/

I was discussing with others to what degree addiction alone is a good explanation for the destructive habit of PMO. The result of the discussion in the link: I realized that my judgement was premature and by far not everyone here subscribes to the idea that PMO is solely an addiction. In the responses a lot of people supported the contra argument that indeed, every addiction has a background and sometimes (if not always) things are more complicated.

But now you raise some points and I want to state my case again.

If you feel I'm misrepresenting your argument and I'm not at all addressing your post above, please correct me. Maybe I'm assuming too much and this is less about your opinion as you stated it above and more about a general discussion that I am having with people around here.

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Now to your points:

Now that wouldn't necessarily be an improvement. It all depends on the side-effects of the substitute. Potentially, computer games are just as bad or worse than PMO. I, personally, don't think that's the case for me.

The more important point is, however: I am the one who decides what habit I want to change. Ultimately, no-one can judge objectively what a good live is. If I want to spend my life at my parent's playing World of Warcraft, that's my prerogative. Maybe it's an uncomfortable thought but the same is true for PMO. If I am happy with PMO, why even bother? The reason why I am here, and the reason why everyone is here: we came to the conclusion that PMO is bad for us. But there is no way to make this decision for others - regardless of how addiction works scientifically.

Your personal experience might give inspiration to others to stop with other destructive habits as well, like playing computer games. And that's great. But it's still a personal insight and a personal decision what habit I want to change and why.

I wholeheartedly agree.

Work can be addictive, same with sports, eating, sex, ...

But even with a highly addictive substance like nicotine: I am a casual smoker so any lecture on how bad a drug nicotine is will fall on deaf ears. I totally acknowledge how bad it is for the grand majority of people.

Maybe you can elaborate a bit, how you were addicted to computer games, what that did to your life and how you decided that you want to change?

Because again the more important point: "XYZ is addictive" isn't that meaningful. After all the question is: How can I improve the quality of my life? What is a major obstacle there? How can I overcome it? Often, not always, this path leads through identifying addictions and dealing with them. As I mentioned above: sometimes it's advisable to deal with one issue at a time. Thus, other potential issues remain unsolved.

We are nearly on the same page here.

This idea that some people suffer from addiction in general (and thus have to be on the look-out constantly) while others don't seems a bit too generalizing. Sometimes it's specific things, specific substances that cause addiction for some and don't for others.

PMO is the best example. Even though there are people with a generally more addictive personality, they do not generally also suffer from PMO addiction (at least not to my knowledge). Common factors may certainly exist, but especially when it comes to sexuality, there are factors at play that don't play into addiction in general (social anxiety, experiences with the other sex, difficulties with communication, insecurity regarding your sexual identity, ...).

Again, we nearly agree. I challenge the idea that there is objectively a line between a heavy user and an addict.

When I play computer games for one hour a day but I feel that this negatively affects my life and I want stop, but I can't, well in that case I have problem. Call it addiction or don't.

If I play 8 hours a day and I have a happy and fulfilled life ... and everyone says I'm addicted to computer games, I couldn't care less.

Start with your goals and desires, figure out how to be the person you want to be and what stops you. Only then you have the proper motivation to identify addictions and deal with them.