GAY AND ABROAD

Hey everyone,

So this is my very first post, even though it's been some time since I've read some of the posts here and have really helped me through this journey of Reboot.

First I want to talk about my personal experience with PMO. I read 'Your Brain on Porn' about two years ago and I was pretty shocked and after that I try to leave porn but it was very difficult and I felt very weak for not being able to leave it for more than 3 weeks.
But then something changed for me. Last year I moved to France to study, (I am originally from Mexico) and ever since I arrived here I noticed that I didn't feel the need to watch porn or to get a random hookup, but I thought that it was positive thing since I have tried to leave porn for a long time now. But on December I came back to Mexico to spend the holidays there and I noticed that my urges came back, which in that moment I didn't give much thought to it. The bad thing is that I started again watching porn and I also met a friend to have sex and everything was great.
However on January when coming back to France my libido was even worse than before and I almost stopped watching porn since I had no urges at all. But again I thought this could help me stopped the addiction.

Now, the main problem was almost two months ago. I spent more time with one guy (who I knew is gay) from my masters which is everything I have been looking in someone, great sense of humor, really smart and also handsome and he is middle eastern, which is no relevant but ok. And we eventually hooked up and starting kissing but then I felt numb, my lips, my brain and everything was out of libido. And this was very shocking to me since it was the first time in my life that I didn't bust in an encounter. After that I felt like I touched rock bottom of this porn addiction and decided to take the No PMO challenge really seriously this time, which I have been doing for the past 2 months. However after 3 weeks of no PMO, I started feeling the libido, specially one day after this guy came to my room and we had a great date and we started kissing and I and an erection but after some time I went away. After that I had a relapse some days after, I entered twitter and just looking at 1 image return my urges. But I have been confused about losing my libido specially since I feel like my brain it is not the same. Good thing is that I am a runner and lately I have been more constant and have been able to increase my time and miles and I run at least 3 times a week with no excuse.

I told my dreamy guy about everything, the addiction, the book, my lost of libido after moving. He said he understood but he says everyone including himself is addicted and that everything to him sounded pretty normal except for the no libido part.
And to be honest I feel that I am losing a great opportunity of being with someone that I really really like because of my lack of libido and then after explaining rebooting. I hope he can understand it and give me more time, since I am committing to the 90 days. But this puts me in a really awkward situation and not sure what else can I do, since every time I see him we end up in the same situation.

At least I know that my loss of libido is related to my porn addiction since I have read similar experiences from people here, and I should focus on rebooting.

I hope someone can share some words or at least read my experience and see that there's people with similar struggles.

 

Thanks, it's been some really tough weeks trying to stay out of PMO. The past days have been harder since I felt more urges and I had to eliminate twitter as I noticed it was triggering me.

I am pretty sure you can make your dream of studying in France true. France is very accessible as there are a lot of universities and the public ones are very cheap. Also many of them offer scholarships and their master programs require you to do internships so you can start working in no time. I can give you any tips, to help you on your journey to France.
It's been hard dating this guy, since I'm feeling he got disappointed after me trying to avoid sex. But I hope I will be able to see him soon.
It is really nice to see that there are more gay guys in this Forum. We can support each other through this.