Gay, Bi or not? Why me?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by kammaSati, Jul 16, 2019.

The thought of being gay (or bi) makes me

  1. suicidal

    8 vote(s)
  2. wanna vomit

    8 vote(s)
  3. shiver

    6 vote(s)
  4. feel uncomfortable

    50 vote(s)
  5. feel at ease

    18 vote(s)
  6. happy

    15 vote(s)
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. I‘ve been on NF now for almost 2 months. It was here on NF I came across that issue of not knowing wether one is bi, gay or straight (due to porn).
    I read quite a few threads and posts of guys scared to hell and shitting their pants cuz they are so confused they might be gay or bi, mixed up cuz of all that porn on sites and in their heads. They mostly leave me all a bit puzzled. In nearly all attempts to get clarity I also read a lot of fear, anger, disgust one might be gay (or bi).

    Obviously porn is sexual, physical attraction can lead to sex, the talk around the issue in these threads usually stays within the realm of sexual activities. It‘s all about sex, behavior and the question: Am I gay, bi or not.

    Maybe I can help you relax a little. I watched straight porn a lot but I know I am not (sexually) straight. Here I list a few things that do NOT make you gay (or bi)
    • crossdressing
    • sexting with men
    • sexcam
    • cuckoldry
    • shemale stuff
    • sissi (hypno) porn
    • sissification
    • hocd
    • wishing to be the woman
    • taking the woman‘s part
    • struggling with SSA
    • being obsessed with other dongs
    • fantasizing about having sex with men
    • troll around with gay/bi men on NF
    • needing intoxication to play gay
    • watching gay porn
    • watching fetish porn
    • watching any porn
    • addicted to porn
    • addicted to get a kick
    • addicted
    • compulsively thinking about being gay, bi or not.
    • what else? Let me know.
    Gay (or bi) men are usually not caught up in the above mentioned activities unless they have an addiction or compulsion issue. Like me. Yet I never heard of cuckoldry nor sissi hypno porn before joining NF.

    To be gay is not a choice nor a decision and certainly
    it is no Porn Induced Disorder ;)
    The really important question we all need to ask ourselves would go sth like: How can I free myself from ALL addictive, compulsive behavior?

    Look ... to be a gay man it takes a few more things: First of all it takes balls, then it means to LOVE another man, the desire may be to live with another man, these days even marrying another man, if one wants that. Not all do.
    Gay men cook, work in all sorts of jobs, walk, talk, shower, help, take care of others, sleep, eat, swim, dance, make music, nurse a sick parent, these days are parents themselves, design, make clothes ;), drive, cry, laugh ... to name just a few things. One lives life as a gay (or bi) man. One is gay 24 hours. You feel it, you know it on another level, it is self-evident. It is a healthy state of being.

    One more thing: To be gay (or bi) does not mean your days have ended unless you still think of it as sth ... bad, inferior, sick, perverted, silly, ridiculous ... you know best what you think of it. Which brings me to another issue.
    And as we‘re here to heal and be frank about stuff I am sure you get that right.

    Instead of wondering and trembling if one is gay or bi or straight why not ask yourself:

    Might it be that I am still slightly homophobic?
    Which is not „a bad thing“, it‘s a fact. Cuz we all live in a society where from generation to generation, from church to church, the strong belief has been passed on that being gay (or bi) is wrong, very wrong. To say the least.
    This relevant question could help one to come to terms with the question: gay, bi or not. Does it matter? If yes: Why?

    Let‘s go inside and have a look. You know best what‘s in there. I say this not to blame anyone. There is sadly enough a lot of homophobia within the gay community itself. I say this because we‘re all here to heal.
    I say this because we can help heal as a whole society, heal collectively.

    Feel free to shout, kick, smile. Important is only we all heal. And support the site financially! They need our help.
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2019
  2. ConquerorNF

    ConquerorNF Fapstronaut

    Thank you for this post. I have expressed some of the traits you mentioned above. I have sexted with men and looked at gay porn. This has made me question my sexuality. In real life however and after being on this nofap journey I have realised that I was more seduced by the sexual taboo and novelty than by the actual thought of being with a man. The addiction to sexual pleasure made me seek out new and exciting outlets, where in real life I know I onky want to be with a woman.
  3. Thank you @ConquerorNF for your reply. I can relate to your intentions. I was looking at straight porn also to see „how they do it“. I even went to a female escort once some years ago.
    But I know ... watching straight porn or having sex with female escorts is not straight life :)
    Your thoughts help others to get clear in this and hopefully find peace with whatever.
    zeusmx and csparbs91 like this.
  4. Thanx
    I have watched gay porn and sexted with men. I worry I’m gay or bi. I’m married too
  5. exito

    exito Fapstronaut

    hi there , thanks you wrote this

    i really like i have also faced same problem like you
    i like girls and i am attracted to them but.....

    i have watched gay porn a lot , maybe more than straight . even did sex chat on grindr but when i went on a date with an another boy , i didnt liked it . i felt really uncomfortable and rushed out as fast as possible because i think i can just see gay sex never really do it and deleted grindr

    what are your views , am in gay or not
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. Thanks @exito for your thoughts. I can‘t say if you‘re gay or not. Only you know. Deep down somewhere on a gut level, not overthinking it. Cause it is not sth you decide to be.
    I may help to bring some clarity into your concerns. Tell me, if you want, how would you feel if you were gay? How if you were bi?
    csparbs91 likes this.
  7. exito

    exito Fapstronaut

    hi there thanks

    i have no problem in becoming gay/bi but i always dreams of a wife and a happy family /career

    actually , the truth is that i was made to [email protected] by my elder cousin when i was 13, and this exposed me to gay porn later.i sometimes dream to have oral with men but never spending my life with them . i am traumatised by who i really am
  8. This event had surely some serious impact on you. But I do not think it „makes“ you gay. Imagine all the boys abused sexually by adult men and priests ... Are they all watching gay porn and live life as a gay man? Doubt it.

    Nice to hear you‘d feel comfortable if you were gay/bi.

    Dreams ... I always dreamt to be a millionaire one day ;) Am I? No. This dream can be cause you grew up in a heteronormative society.
    This you need to find out. Is it a dream cause it suggests you peace and normality, harmony? Is it a dream cause you do not allow reality to take over?

    Deep down on a gut level beyond any thought what do you feel? Imagine you see a guy and a lady, both your type, both „hot“. Whom are you more attracted to instinctively, which of the two do you secretly keep your eyes on?
    csparbs91 and exito like this.
  9. Theamos

    Theamos Fapstronaut

    I’m bi and comfortable with it. But a few years ago I was not.
    I was in denial to myself and ppl important too me
    It took many years to say to myself I was bi and to be ok with it
  10. exito

    exito Fapstronaut

    thanks you replied , i really appreciate it
    i have been living in trauma , masturbating on gay porn and then criticise and hurt myself that i am gay now and i should not approach the girl i have crush on .

    thanks , i will think on it
    have a nice day
    csparbs91 and kammaSati like this.
  11. Stop watching ANY porn and go approach that human soul you have a crush on :)
    csparbs91, exito and rafael33 like this.
  12. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

    Just to be clear, if you are attracted to (big) erect dicks even your own, you're not gay or bi? I've always thought some dicks (definitely not all) are very attractive but I've never had any feelings for other men. It's absolutely confusing. Sounds pretty gay or bi but might be a porn induced fetish idk.
    csparbs91 and exito like this.
  13. exito

    exito Fapstronaut

    kammaSati likes this.
  14. Just to be clear ... you’re trying to tell us you got a big dong still being able to stand up for his rights or you wanna say that being attracted to (big) solid tits (definitely not all) makes you straight?
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2019
    csparbs91 likes this.
  15. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

    I don't know, it's just that I saw this hocd vs denial video and the guy who made it said that basically if you like dicks you are gay and in denial, but if that were the case you'd at least expect feelings for other men. Not saying I have a big dong I just find some dongs aesthetically beautiful the way I find some boobs to be aesthetically beautiful.
    Okay I get the point now. Thanks.
  16. If liking pussies defines you as a straight man then yes you‘re probably gay liking dicks. Or you are a confused compulsively overthinking porn addict. In both cases possible.

    I find it awkward to reduce humans to their genitals then define their sexual orientation. It’s love not sex. Sex is part of love. If love is part of sex then you go work as a prostitute.
    You got a crush on Porsches? Of course it‘s the strong engine you like but as well the sound that it makes, the leather seat, dashboard, the technology, the fun you get from driving. You love your car. The whole thing.
    You would never come up with the idea to take the engine out, run around and scream: I AM A RACE DRIVER.
    csparbs91 and PercyJia like this.
  17. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

    Good metaphor man. Makes sense.
    csparbs91 and kammaSati like this.
  18. humbleone

    humbleone Fapstronaut

    I think it's important to know;

    We all have the ability to sleep with the same sex, opposite sex, children, old people, dead people... any manifestation of sexual depravity exists within all of us.

    Like a bed of weeds, if you water it and give it sunlight, they grow strong and multiply.

    Let's take something over than lust;

    If you were to cultivate, water, indulge and practice being angry for 60 minutes everyday how long until your mind had thoughts filled with uncontrollable crazy anger? Could you guarantee the type of angry thoughts you would have, or could your anger develop and manifest into a number of forms?

    Nothing in this life is permanent or fixed - if you identify with something, that is to fuel it, cultivate it then it will persist and grow into a great forest. If you don't identify with it, don't react to it, or give it any fuel - it will slowly but surely die off.
  19. Luvspin68

    Luvspin68 Fapstronaut

  20. Luvspin68

    Luvspin68 Fapstronaut

    Thank you for posting humbleone
    This makes so much sense.
    csparbs91 and kammaSati like this.

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