Get Rid of PORN in 2021.

I was so serious this time, and somehow It is again my first week for my challenge.
As usual first week will be easy, No urges Full of motivation Blah Blah Blah, Feels like I'm doing this for the Millionth time.
Will have to work on my Awareness during Second week.

 

My Parents try to get into my personal life, I hate that, I fuckin' hate that. How hard is it to understand that I have some problems I cannot share with them, Not because I'm ashamed or something, I just know that if I tell them they will be all over the place trying to fix it, telling relatives, going to GOD finding illogical solutions and what not.

Where did you spend your money, Well I didn't purchase drugs with it. Other than that it's my headache what I do with my money. It's not like I spent a million dollars and I have no clue what I spent it on. I purchased cloths with it, I purchased a mobile phone So that I cannot watch PORN anymore, and I thousand other things that i knew will benefit me In some way, And I don't have the energy to discuss It or explain it to you. Parents can be so annoying sometimes.

Don't know If it's me or what but I think my parents feel I don't respect my money, But I do. I fuckin' do. It's just that stuff I buy is personal and only benefits me not the house or future, It is responsible for things happening now. And if you think I will be the person who will sacrifice my personal happiness to save some couple bucks You're so wrong. I don't wanna look back at my life and regret the decisions I made, So Back off.

Just that day she made a drama about wasting money and stopped me from going out of the house, guess what happened, I jerked off into a T-shirt because I had nothing to do at home. And I knew It would happen even if i tied myself into chains, Only reason to save myself from that is to go out of the house, but NO it's a fuckin waste of Money.

It's just a moment of time before I get alcohol addiction or something, because of this mess. To them Joining GYM is waste of money, To them therapeutic walks are waste of time, To them Going for Bike rides are a waste of Money, So how the hell can I explain to them MY PERSONAL PROBLEMS.

 

after 2 days :

No urges, I'm at office today so I have no problems right now, the problem arises when I'm alone at home or I have nothing to do, I obviously cannot keep myself occupied all the time, so the plan now is to adapt habits that are not dependent on internet or any tech device for that matter.

Planning to leave the laptop at office this weekend. Will see where it goes.

Will go for a Bike ride or something, No plans yet, Also it's my birthday this Saturday, I only liked to celebrate my birthday with my Crush, She was very positive and calmed me down every time I met her, We used to hangout in evening but sadly we aren't friends anymore, We were just not meant to be, Pretty sure I'm gonna be sad this birthday and I swear to god I don't wanna be anywhere near a laptop if I'm sad, Will come up with something.

Other than that, All is well, The urges start from second week so will have to stay aware that time.

Ohh yeah, life without a smartphone is just awesome, I stay so much aware now, I feel connected with Earth and Nature, I can't describe but it feels different, GOOD DIFFERENT. I read novels and do maths Addition and Subtraction sheets to keep my mind Not getting bored. My mind gets exhausted when doing addition and subtraction sheets. But feels good afterwards.

 

4 Days : First week Going good and active. At Home today, One task from WORK,

I was downloading Once Upon a time in Hollywood, I typed Once and some other shit came up, I ignored it and downloaded the movie but I got some urges, Not acting on them now,

Will keep you Informed, Thinking about my crush a lot these days, Even though I made the decision after thinking a lot, still it feels if I could hangout with her one last time, Life was good with her, Cozy, on the other hand my self respect used to suffer a lot. Don't know, I guess it will all get better over time.

If you have some stories about ex lovers or crushes, please tell me, Will make me feel better.

 

So My Boss is being weird today, He in the morning gave me a task and then told me He'll tell me How the task has to be done, and then he disappeared. Later today eve, he says did I finish the task, and I'm like NO, He then says what did I do whole day then? Ignoring the fact that i watched movies whole day thinking he'll revert back to me, I told him I was practicing my skill and I did some other things, He said I should have asked him about the Task and I said yeah yes I should have, even though he told me He'll tell me how the task has to be done, I didn't wanna argue for no reason, I wanna keep my eyes on the ball and get the job done. Well guess what, He disappeared again. And I have No clue what to do next, Trying to get the job done, but I'm afraid he wants me to do it some specific way, because he literally said he'll tell me how it has to be done, Worst that can happen is I lose my job when I go to work tomorrow, Don't know what I'll do after that. Will work on some personal projects I guess.

 

Notes for myself :

You get smoke cravings if felt alone while under pressure, keep an eye on that, If work is being hard try to talk to a friend instead of craving a cigarette. PLEASE.

 

yeah, Pandemic was a rollercoaster ride to me as well.

Welcome to my thread though, You can share freely here.

 

7 days :

So my birthday went well, Missed my crush a lot but then I Realised moving on is going to be hard but the sooner I do it the better is going to be in the long run, ofcourse emotions are hard to control and the laptop was fuckin' right there, so I picked up my motorcycle and went off to countryside, A place away from internet and technology, met a friend, Worked in field, ate outside and it felt good, Pretty damn good to be honest.

Things I hated though :
My crush wasn't there.
My Mom didn't remember my birthday, I still can't believe it, But she's mom so I forgive her.
Not a single friend of mine wished me birthday, Literally Noone.
But I celebrated with myself, and that countryside friend, Went for a bike ride, had some redbull(ahh, I can remember that taste), and the views were just amazing, AWESOME, Birthday well spent.

Ohh, one more thing that's been bugging me, I hate something about this world, It's that, Girls are loved for no reason, Dogs are loved for no reason, Babies are loved for no reason, But a MAN is only loved when he can provide, Only when he can fuckin' provide, And that too when he says, that Love me, we have to demand love, , Otherwise the world just discards us. Don't know if this thing is only in my head, but I hate it. maybe something will change my mind some day. I HOPE !!

Anyways, have fun guys,

To a better future, Cheers.

 

Day 9 about to end and I will successfully complete my previous streak today,
Goal is to catchup with my highest streak, Even though I am not as productive as I was the first time, It still feels good and I do feel some benefits already, regarding confidence and motivation.

 

Something is wrong, Something is wrong guys,

Suddenly it feels like there's no happiness in the world, Is it a flatline or something? I feel different, The glow from the face is gone, I haven't relapsed, It just feels different.

I feel confused, Sad, Lost,

I wanna use my smartphone, I want to get back on social media, I guess that's what it is, I miss those things,
Anyways, definitely not going back to smartphone anytime soon, I don't think I'm ready yet.

And where did that, glow disappear? I've been having less water lately, maybe that could be the reason?

NEED TO PUSH !

And

FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON !!

Anyone reading this, Wish you luck.

 

Self Diagnosis :

I added anther new thing to my routine, I am leaving caffeine till this Sunday. Will observe change in body on Monday.

NoFap + NoSmoking + NoAlcohol + NoCaffeine.

Will replace Caffeine with Packed Fruit Juice probably, Will maintain good water intake, I walk whenever I have the chance (9 to 5 job makes it really hard), I am having 7 hours of sleep everyday.

Stress level is moderate.
Emotional level is Sad and Moody these days, don't know why, it should be Under control.
I am physically charged on a moderate to advanced Level, Doesn't feel soggy or tired.

I think caffeine is the reason for all this, I drink about three cups of coffee and two cups of tea everyday that too with milk and sugar. Definitely cutting it off should help me.

Goals :
Healthier Body.
Self Confidence.
Awareness.

 

Thanks to Past Self :

Dear Past Self,

Just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate your effort for today.
You were offered a Cigarette this afternoon and you held off to your promise, You had all the opportunity and freedom to smoke but you didn't, You said NO and that just made me very happy and proud.

Thank you very much.

- From a better self​

 

Thank you very much, I'm glad that you verified it, I was also thinking it as a flatline.
pheww.. I was scared for a second.

 

So the coffee machine is calling out to me.

It's like, Heyy, Come on, I know you want me, Have some, Just a drop..

 

Thank you very much,

 

So turns out it was the caffeine,

YUP, I Didn't have coffee today and It feels great,
I feel happy, I feel proud, I feel recognised, I read about after effects of coffee and it was bad, it is similar to Smoking. I'm not saying coffee is bad, but a latte 3 times a day and on top of that Tea twice, Man, Naahh Aaan, you don't wanna do that.

I'm Happy.

Today was an awesome day. I had fun at work, I didn't even wanna come home.