Got ghosted

I pay attention to patterns. Typically if something occurs in patterns it happens for a reason. The sun doesn’t set and rise each day for no reason, people have recognized that there is something causing that to happen, that’s why scientists have discovered the Astro physics behind the earth rotating/revolving around the sun. Same thing applies for most of the bad things that happen to me occurring in oddly specific patterns or having reoccurring themes.

 

I FaceTimed the girl I was talking to. Everything went better than expected and we FaceTimed for two hours, but the manosphere is making me believe that I’m still not good enough. I’ve heard too many manosphere blackpill/red pill horror stories of women hating nice guys, flaking on guys while secretly messaging “chad” and “Tyrone”. As well as geeky/nerdy guys being not masculine enough for most women, especially black women.

I’m hoping this girl is not secretly messaging some very handsome street dude with a bunch of tattoos and long dreadlocks while she’s stringing me along in order to spare my feelings.

 

I have but I had to stop due to lack of time. I work five days a week. I will go back soon. I’m aiming for 3 times a week now as my school has a gym. I am still working on improving my appearance. I’m trying to grow dreadlocks, been growing my hair out for five months. I am a relatively decent looking guy. I’m not a “chad/tyrone” but I’ve been told I’m slightly above average looking. About a 5.5-6 in looks…..

I still think the manosphere stuff is blown out of proportion because I see so many regular looking even ugly guys with girlfriends who accept them for who they are. What I see in real life is almost nothing like it is in the manosphere. The only guys I know of that are straight up incels are autistic nerdy guys who are very socially inept and those guys are rare. They say that the rate of lonely men is increasing but I know far more guys who have had relationship experience than those who don’t.

I still am focusing on school. To be honest it’s a combination of both, I’ve noticed that I don’t get most things in life unless I go out of my way to get them. When I kickstarted my career as a comedian I didn’t “wait for the right opportunity” I had to get off my ass and go after it. Same applies for women, I’m tired of everyone claiming that “the right person will come when you least expect it”, that doesn’t always happen, sometimes you have to go out of your way to get what you want, even if it has to do with women. There was a guy who I used to be friends with who didn’t get his first relationship until he finally did something about it which was hop on a dating app and went through hundreds of rejections in order to finally find that one person who gave him a chance. I’m even friends with another guy who found his so on dating apps and they’re still together.

Also stop assuming that I’m not focusing on myself either, these past few months I have been focusing on bettering myself by going to school and busting my ass by studying hard as well as focusing on my screeenwriting (as I’d like to write for TV one day) and I’ve been making new friends and connections through my career as a comedian.

I wish people would stop telling guys “the right person will come along when you least expect it” because most guys would end up alone for life if they followed that advice. Sometimes God won’t let you have something unless you’re willing to fight for it.


Sorry to say this but dating apps exist for a reason. I’m still hoping things go right with this girl. I don’t want to end up being 30 with no experience.

 

I am still scared after watching redpill content. For those who don’t know I’m black, and the girl I’m talking to is also black, but she is a nerdy black girl who is a gamer and likes anime. She’s not a typical stereotypical black woman who speaks with Ebonics and has a bunch of tattoos.

I’ve heard a lot of dudes on YouTube who are incels or red pillers say that black girls only like dudes that are pookies or street dudes, even if they’re nerdy. I’m scared she’s talking to a street dude right now. Someone help. I’m scared she thinks I’m not masculine enough because I have Asperger’s and I’m not a street dude. Oh man, and then a lot of red pillers are gonna start telling me “I told you so”.

I even had a few nerdy black girls in high school that I had crushes on and they rejected me and ended up with jocks/NPC black dudes that do nothing but listen to Travis Scott and play and watch sports.

Depsite this, I know of several nerdy black dudes who have no problem getting women. There was a Muslim couple at my old job where the guy wasn’t very attractive (overweight/bad teeth) and his wife was a black girl who was actually cute. Both a younger couple. I also have a friend who’s an alternative black guy and he told me that he had sex with a black girl he met on tinder who happened to be Muslim.


The blackpiller I used to talk to was a black man and he was dead set on his belief of black women (including nerdy ones) only wanting street dudes, and has made hundreds and hundreds of videos about how it’s over for geeky black dudes. I’m somewhat nerdy but not extremely nerdy. I’m not as nerdy as most nerdy dudes as most of those guys have zero contact with girls, I have a handful of female friends who I’ve hung out with. I also don’t live on discord and I’m not addicted to gaming.

Because of that, whenever this girl takes too long to reply to a text, my mind immediately jumps to worst case scenario. (She’s texting pookie, she’s getting her black blown out by pookie) It doesn’t help that my dad is also redpill.

I wish God made me a street dude instead of a black nerd with autism.

I’ve heard incels on YouTube say that nerdy black dudes should only go after white women. Despite the fact that I’m not a stereotypical black guy, I ironically mostly get attention from black women. I’ve never had white girls like me like that, it is very rare. On dating apps especially, I’ve mostly gotten matches from black women.

 

If things don’t go right with this girl I’m seeing an escort. I don’t have the patience to “wait patiently for the right person” or go through 60 matches only to get ghosted by each person within a week.

She left me on read today and I think she’s texting pookie. It’s over bro . #blackpill

 

I don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t know if I’m too far into the talking phase to be talking to other girls.

The girl got back to me but claims she’s terrible at responding. I don’t know if this is actually true or if I’m still being strung along.

 

I have a lot of friends that are women. Of course I talk to women in real life.

I was referring to dating app wise.

I will say this, god is very cruel to me when it comes to anything that’s related to women, that’s why I have the tendency to self sabotage. Out of all the things that god is cruel to me towards, he’s typically at his worst when it comes to anything related to women.


I don’t want to end up being an incel like 90% of black dudes with Asperger’s. I just want god to work with me and let me be happy.

 

This is the guy I’m talking about. His videos make me panic. I had to go to the mental hospital several times because I watched his videos.

I also watched his videos about IQ and I was convinced that I had a low IQ due to being on the spectrum so I crashed my mom’s car and blamed it on the fact that I had a “low IQ” which is what got me kicked out of her house.

Im not gonna lie I still think the girl I’m talking to is texting street dudes behind closed doors. So time is up for me as a nerdy black guy with autism.

That’s why I’m worried about my fate as a geeky black dude with autism. I might as well throw in the towel now and accept the fact that it’s over because I’m black and have autism