Hello everyone!
I'm sorry if you find my English bad a little bit, it's not my original language.
Anyway, for now I'm on 33day of NoFap (Hard Mode) and it's my first time to try it.
I'm not counting days and living day by day.
I'm a sadist and I love hitting and humiliating girls during sex and making them my slaves. when I was young nothing happens to me but I was always fantasizing about weird sadist things like hitting women's, tying them and when i say young I mean 13 14 years old, with time I lost interest on those fantasize and I found them 'weird thing' I start watching porn (normal porn) from that time and masturbate every week 4 5 times, on my 18yro I had many sex relations (normal stuff, vanilla sex) and I was happy with them, after that I was in love with a girl for two years and we broke up after that for 1 year or more i start enjoying watching weir porn and exploring new things like lesbian porn, bdsm and everything I was in love with all of that and seeing women get insulted, I had many long distance relationships into BDSM comunity and I was happy by playing the dom role and making orders.. and my penis start having fun only with that, I mean by making orders and insulting my 'slave' I know this is weird but keep reading to help me please! In this time I know that all of this is wrong and I don't really like that and i respect women's when I'm not horny and I feel shame when I finish my orgasms.
after that my situation has developed to real thing I had a girl as girlfriend but a sex slave same time, and i think she destroy my mind more, she was doing all what I want.. sometimes I was saying that it's okay that's who I am, I need to accept that to live good.
I'm into body building, mindset building and everything, I do care about me.
I start saying that this is gonna be wrong for future what about me on marriage what about my children's seeing me like that or anything (a loot of bad things can happens)
I broke up with her because I was with her only for the sale thing, I had many other slaves but I was between my mind ideas and reprimand, and between my pleasure and loving being a dom.
I was fapping so much on bdsm stuff and things like that.
Then I feel that something is really really wrong with me, I'm doing good with everything but with this I'm so bad.
I took a decision to try the vanilla sex and the romantic stuff.
With time I had the importunity to try that, Booom my penis didn't like that at all,I could not get an erection and I was asking her on the ending for slave things and all of that wen so baaad.Lol
Then, I took a moment and make a big research about all of that and I found NoFap, I took a decision to try it the same day and I watched a loot of videos on youtube about it. I liked the idea and the benefits and I was hoping to work with my mind to to get over my weird kinks and start liking vanilla stuff again.
Everything goes well with thee first 20 days I had energy more and clear mind but i didn't have any libido, I start having the morning wood again because i lost for the past year, in the last week i start thinking again sometimes about the slave things pleasure, my mind keep showing the flashs sometime of the girl i was with her and immediately i keep changing the ideas.
I'm having so so difficult with this but I'm see progress and I'm happy with what i did for now.
Any one have ideas about healing from kinks and bdsm story's, please tell me so I can do more to be better!
Thank you everyone if you read all of this, I appreciate that!
I'm sorry if you find my English bad a little bit, it's not my original language.
Anyway, for now I'm on 33day of NoFap (Hard Mode) and it's my first time to try it.
I'm not counting days and living day by day.
I'm a sadist and I love hitting and humiliating girls during sex and making them my slaves. when I was young nothing happens to me but I was always fantasizing about weird sadist things like hitting women's, tying them and when i say young I mean 13 14 years old, with time I lost interest on those fantasize and I found them 'weird thing' I start watching porn (normal porn) from that time and masturbate every week 4 5 times, on my 18yro I had many sex relations (normal stuff, vanilla sex) and I was happy with them, after that I was in love with a girl for two years and we broke up after that for 1 year or more i start enjoying watching weir porn and exploring new things like lesbian porn, bdsm and everything I was in love with all of that and seeing women get insulted, I had many long distance relationships into BDSM comunity and I was happy by playing the dom role and making orders.. and my penis start having fun only with that, I mean by making orders and insulting my 'slave' I know this is weird but keep reading to help me please! In this time I know that all of this is wrong and I don't really like that and i respect women's when I'm not horny and I feel shame when I finish my orgasms.
after that my situation has developed to real thing I had a girl as girlfriend but a sex slave same time, and i think she destroy my mind more, she was doing all what I want.. sometimes I was saying that it's okay that's who I am, I need to accept that to live good.
I'm into body building, mindset building and everything, I do care about me.
I start saying that this is gonna be wrong for future what about me on marriage what about my children's seeing me like that or anything (a loot of bad things can happens)
I broke up with her because I was with her only for the sale thing, I had many other slaves but I was between my mind ideas and reprimand, and between my pleasure and loving being a dom.
I was fapping so much on bdsm stuff and things like that.
Then I feel that something is really really wrong with me, I'm doing good with everything but with this I'm so bad.
I took a decision to try the vanilla sex and the romantic stuff.
With time I had the importunity to try that, Booom my penis didn't like that at all,I could not get an erection and I was asking her on the ending for slave things and all of that wen so baaad.Lol
Then, I took a moment and make a big research about all of that and I found NoFap, I took a decision to try it the same day and I watched a loot of videos on youtube about it. I liked the idea and the benefits and I was hoping to work with my mind to to get over my weird kinks and start liking vanilla stuff again.
Everything goes well with thee first 20 days I had energy more and clear mind but i didn't have any libido, I start having the morning wood again because i lost for the past year, in the last week i start thinking again sometimes about the slave things pleasure, my mind keep showing the flashs sometime of the girl i was with her and immediately i keep changing the ideas.
I'm having so so difficult with this but I'm see progress and I'm happy with what i did for now.
Any one have ideas about healing from kinks and bdsm story's, please tell me so I can do more to be better!
Thank you everyone if you read all of this, I appreciate that!