Heirs' June "Stop the Autopilot" Challenge thread

Entry #2:

Well, today I spent a lot of time watching presentations from a conference called Superhero Brain. There were experts in all kinds of different fields talking about things like sleep and its importance to your brain health. Diet, motivation, productivity, and mindfulness were all discussed.

It was pretty sweet, and now I'm going to use my 15 minutes sitting on my roof to sort of process some of the things I learned and find ways to put them into practice in my life.

Aw yeah.

Here is my favorite quote from the conference that epitomizes the message they are trying to get across: "If knowledge is power, then learning is your superpower."

Never stop learning.

 

Day 4 and 5
Part 1
Yesterday, I studied for the SAT, an absolute first. I always hated thinking about that test. But it's not too bad.

Part 2 - I haven't yet done Part 2, but I'm about to right now. The main things I want to think about are, how year has been so far, and what I'd want my year to look like when I move to South Carolina. I can already think of a few things I'd do differently next time aroynd. Honestly, not many people get the chance to start off on a blank slate as much as I do. o guess that's one of the beauties moving, and it continues to shape me.

 

Day 5

Part 1

When I woke up this morning, I forced myself not to look at my phone right away. It has become something of a habit, and I recognized that I did it without thinking. I forced myself to get up and take a shower first before checking my phone. It felt weird, but good.

Part 2

I threw around a frisbee while thinking about what I needed to do this week. I usually think better while moving. It was good to have my body occupied while my mind was free to think.

 

hung out with some people i don't normally hang out with we are good acquaintances but we just don't hang much it was good to get to know them better.
sadly my time to think was devoted to finding out why i fell today i saw it coming new i shouldn't open that email but i did anyway.

 

6/5- Day 5 (didn't post Yesterday, but I didn't forget!)
1) I woke up early(-ish) and worked out. Came back and did some more studying. Picked up my fiance from the airport (she was seeing family and attending weddings for about a week). Was really good to see her. This is random, but does anyone like going to the airport? For some reason, I get this good vibe from going there. Maybe I subconsciously think I'm going somewhere exciting.
2) I've been thinking about my PMO habit. My main concern is P and M since they take so much away from me. After 7 days, It doesn't seem like much, but it's a big step for me and I still feel great about my decision. That being said, I'm on the fence about eliminating O; being open about my PMO problem with my fiance has the potential to bring more emotional intimacy to our relationship and I'm not convinced that making love with her would be problematic for me with regard to my PMO compulsions. I would love some input on this issue if anyone has some experience with hard mode while having a significant other.

 

Day 6 of June:

Part 1: I had some problems with a test, so to do something different, instead of sending an e-mail to the teacher I called him on the office phone in the morning, he answered and was kind to me, told me that I could meet him in the afternoon to ask whatever I needed. And so I did, I went to his office in the afternoon and he was very nice to me, he even printed to me some material to study that I needed before the test. I believe it was a nice change to act like I did today.

Part 2: I still find hard to meditate on my own, it is easier to just stop and think about myself or about my emotions. I am still willing to work on the ways in which I react to people and to situations, I think that I reacted in the wrong way most of times. Sometimes I was too good with people, despite of what I wanted, lately that is changing: when I want to do something, I do it(if it is a good idea eheh), when I have to speak with people and answer to questions I take some time to think more of what I will say. I have changed the fact of being too much impulsive, answering right away, maybe avoiding to tell what I really was thinking in that moment. For example sometimes it happens that after having a conversation with someone I then think "Oh, I should have said that, I could have used that point", now it must change to me actually doing those things in the right time, rather than thinking about it later. And when it still happens to think to those things later, I must find the courage to contact the person and tell him/her my thoughts.

 

Day 5

Part 1- I love a particular snack very much even though I'm aware its unhealthy..I decided today that I won't eat that ever again..Several times, I felt like eating it especially because it is easily accessible and is readily waiting for me in the cookie jar..but I resisted the feelings...If I were in autopilot mode, I would have eaten first and thought about it later..

Part 2- Meditated a while and I thought about how unorganized my life is..I got a lot of academic stuffs to be done and I'm just procrastinating things, I just can't begin anything, Hopefully I'll put an end to this..

Stay strong friends and take care!

 

6th June
Part 1 - Came home and painted another section of the fence (instead of flopping down with the laptop)
Part2 - Meditated about how develop my ideas around contentment and productivity

 

6/6

I: I went to a different grocery store location than I usually do, I almost felt as if I was in another world with foreign beings it was kind of surreal. My growing awareness of my surroundings magnified this effect. It was quite delightful. I had a pleasant bike ride along a canal bikepath to the store in fair summer weather.

II: I didn't take my phone with me on the trip, and was completely absorbed in quiet contemplation for nearly 2 hours. Upon returning home I realize how badly I am hurting inside and how I increase the hurt by fapping. I feel loving energy building, the energy is rising my from lower regions up to my chest, and I feel more alive than I ever have. I've had years clean from fapping before, but something feels different. I am connecting with my progress in a way that could last a lifetime. Truly healing from PMO and changing into a person who does not crave fapping anymore, someone who just doesn't do that.

How much damage has PMO done to us all!!?! Come on guys you gotta stop killing your mind and body with it, it is fucking ruining us I'm so sick of it. It really is a virus and I am tired of seeing people suffer due to it.

 

I can relate.

You have to start loving yourself more.



https://www.amazon.com/Love-Yourself-Like-Your-Depends-ebook/dp/B0086BX8UE

Look it doesn't matter if you like this guy or not, he has valuable insight to be gained listening to him:

 

Today

Part 1- Took a different route home from work today. There was a bad accident on my usual way home so had to make a detour. On they way home after seeing the accident, I thought about how precious life is. In any moment our lives can change and we possibly could lose it. Makes you want to make every minute count.

Part 2 - After this post I'm going to just do some thinking and write in my journal. I'm too tired for anything else tonight.

 

June 6th

1. As I expected all I did was lament about relationship issues. I'm now the only one in my dwindling group of acquaintances who's never been in one, and the mere thought of more third wheeling fills my mind with dread.

2. I'll actually write in my journal for once! It'll just be a bunch of depressing trite but whatever.

I don't really have a reason to love myself, I have no hobbies, interests or redeeming qualities. All I do is flounder about online and pray that someone will save me.

 

Day 6
Part 1 - I talked to some different people today, interestingly I'm not sure whether I meant to, or it just happened. I'll give credit to myself that I made it a good conversation though. This doesn't count, but I also ran around the school playing dubstep on the highest volume and got away with it. That was very exhilarating.
Part 2
Today, I actually thought about my behavior today in school, and also why I came here. Honestly, playing music on high volume is considered rude, I sort of don't care. I'm sure we've all been in those situations where the guy next to just plays his music out loud and we're slightly annoyed. But why? Why not just let the guy or girl play their music and have fun? When I play my music, I don't really care whether the person next to me is grumpy. But, if they were ever to do the same, I'd want them to enjoy themselves. Also, I find myself always trying to correct my and become something a little different. I won't say something I'm not because I can be anything. But, there many different ways to accomplish a goal, ad I'm just realizing that I don't necessarily have to act a certain way to accomplish this goal in particular. I've always tried to squeeze myself into a mold that didn't fit quite right, and I'd eventually break it. But, it's no excuse to be rude, but I enjoyed this day and even if some people may have been annoyed, I don't want to apologize. Not because I'm being a douche, but because I don't feel the need to. I apologize a lot and I'm also wrong a lot. The two go hand in hand, but I think I should only apologise when it's necessary.
Also, my last thought, girls. It's always a topic that is present, but never reigning in my mind, and it sort of links with my personality squeeze. I'll just sum it up, and say that I didn't come here to be a chick magnet. I honestly have no idea where this post is going, but I feel sometimes like if you aren't trying your hardest to be some what appealing to all the girls on the planet, you're a waste. It's just me, and also I'm not saying be a slob, but, more of be comfortable. I take things a little too seriously. But I can't impress everyone.
Jumbled thoughts everyone, if you're reading have fun deciphering.

 

Day 6

First Part

I had my first day of work at my summer job, so certainly not auto pilot. Then when I was getting ready to play video games out of habit, I went and longboarded instead.

Second Part

While longboarding, I thought about making friends this summer in a place I will only be for two months. I thought about how great my life is, but I still find ways to complain. I thought about how I still miss my ex even though I want to move on.

 

Was at work all day but did find some excersize I can sneak in at work and do my job at the same time
Also spent much of the day thinking on how I got so weak willed it wasn't always like this now it seems everything controlled me food P work so I am making a plan to tackle this

 

Day 3 & 4:

Part1:
.started fasting. (IRL hungergames XD)
.haven't worked out on day 4 because of stomach ache.
. started reading the "Quran" and hopefully I'll finish it for the first time on my life.

Part2:
.guided mindfulness meditation to keep the mind in peace mode.
.deep relaxation to relief unwanted feelings.

 

day 7


Part 1: I decided to clean the fridge from some useless things, and decided to cook another version of a dish which I usually do.


Part 2: I managed to close my eyes and started to run into my past, followed one of the @the_grindel posts in the barracks, and just thought about all the good memories which I could remember. The most of them regards the first house in which I lived for more than 14 years of my life, and the people that lived in the near apartments. My childhood memories, it was so nice to remember those that I actually smiled while having my eyes shut. Felt good to focus on the good memories, I have even thought to go and visit again the house of my childhood, would be really nice. Thanks!

 

I got news for you, no one is going to save you except yourself. People can point the way, but you have to walk in that direction. Here is another YT channel you may want to check out, this guy is a psychologist, I'm telling you if you start watching stuff like this and less stuff like FilthyFreddy, then you are halfway there:

https://www.youtube.com/user/Kemetprince1

The guy in that book I recommended was once like you, he absolutely hated himself.

What is the longest time clean you've had?

 

I'll be honest that book is a scam. 50 pages of him repeating the same thing over and over again. I know self help books are supposed to be scams but at least they're usually more discreet about it.

Also 6 days. I've managed to crawl my way there twice now.

Since I don't want to clog up the page with my usual bs I'll also do the daily challenge here as well.

1. I actually talked with someone today, granted I acted like an autistic fuckwad but that's to be expected.

2. Just more of the ol' "You're a fucking failure why haven't you killed yourself." I hate meditating since usually I just block these thoughts out to an extent.