Help, I think my sexuality is ruined

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by nick_the_greek, Jan 16, 2019.

  1. nick_the_greek

    nick_the_greek New Fapstronaut

    Hey everybody,
    this is the first time I am posting here, but I think that you people might be able to help. I am 19 years old and male. I have never had sex, I have only done foreplay (getting a blowjob, performing oral sex on my girlfriend, making out etc). I have never, and I do mean that to the fullest possible extent, had any homosexual tendencies in my life. As long as I can remember, all the way back to primary school, I had crushes on girls, a couple of girlfriends and always fantasized about girls. Of course I have always been watching straight porn.
    But I cannot ejaculate with my girlfriend doing just foreplay. I do get a raging hard-on, but no ejaculation. This annoys her, but I explain to her that not all men can just cum with a blowjob and without having actual sex. But this whole thing has led me to question my sexuality: I am getting more and more intrusive thoughts about whether or not I would like to have sex with or be dominated by a guy, and I can't get these thoughts out of my head. I have discussed this with family, and they all agree that this is more like an anxiety disorder than actual homosexuality. I have seen academic papers and scientific articles, and most of them conclude that people know if they are gay or straight at about 15-16. And I am way beyond that.
    I have never watched gay porn, but the thought of it tends to ease my anxiety a bit. I decided to stop watching porn altogether for a while, and I tried fapping without porn. It did not really work. This surprised me because even though 8/10 times I use porn to masturbate, in need I have used my imagination and it has worked just fine. Perhaps it has to do with my endless anxiety? Of course, now I think that because my fapping session without porn was not good, that means that I must be gay. Please help, in any way you can! I was convinced to write here because I saw people questioning their sexuality, while at the same time always being straight. I do not want to go down the rabbit hole.
  2. Vandermeer

    Vandermeer Fapstronaut

    If lesbian porn works easy and well for you, you are for sure not gay.
    Coolyorky likes this.
  3. nick_the_greek

    nick_the_greek New Fapstronaut

    Thing is I never really liked lesbian porn. But I always liked porn with many girls and just one guy, and I never liked porn with many guys and one girl
  4. freizeichen85

    freizeichen85 Fapstronaut

    I think there is so much more than just being homosexual or straight. But one after another...

    I had my first sexual intercourses with guys at the age of 14, 15, but realized I'm gay just years later. And I know a couple of guys who just found out that they are gay at the age of 30 and beyond. So I wouldn't just go with this number you mentioned.

    This is quite normal. I myself ejaculated very rarely from just getting a blowjob. Maybe you just try sex and see how it goes there. Also it is always a situation of getting nervous insecure.

    It is very good you face up with this thoughts. Mostly they are pushed aside and come again harder and more extreme. These thought on the other side are quite normal I guess and are triggerd from different sides. On the one side you are insecure of your inability to ejaculate when being with you girlfriend. Sure this leads to a lot of thoughts bust not must have an realistic background. On the other side maybe your porn consumption leads to a need of getting always new imaginations. I think this could be linked to your inability to cum without porn. So your brain teases you and - maybe you discovered this already (I myself did) - always wants new and different stuffs and triggers and this leads to more and more absurd ideas (one thing why I want to quit porn). Also you are quite young. Your sexuality is still evolving. I know a lot of guys who had homosexual experiences but discovered they are absolutly straight. Most of them are quite thankful for getting the possibilty to just try out. And my fourth and last thought is, that is is also quite normal that sexual phantasies come up which are in no case linked to your own sexual life. I myself can say that I do had phantasies of threesomes (mmf) or other bisexual intercourses. But I really would never do something with a woman as I'm confidently gay :)

    Maybe this can help you in any way... Feel free to message if you want to start a conversation
    nerd_lean likes this.
  5. I seldom cum with a blow job, woman or man.
    nerd_lean likes this.
  6. Coolyorky

    Coolyorky Fapstronaut

    The penis can be a little desensitised my death grip masterbation. Could it be that stopping you from cumming
  7. I cum fine otherwise. Ever since my first blowjob.
  8. ClaritySeeker

    ClaritySeeker Fapstronaut

    Give us more details. How long did you stop P? Were you fantasizing while doing MO?
  9.’s nothing but the natural progression of desensitizing to the porn that was once able to excite you and bring you to climax. You are now progressing to other activities that increase your dopamine and perhaps also dealing with natural human curiosity, unlikely that you are fully homosexual, and there’s nothing wrong if you or anyone else was homosexual. Desensitization is part of the progression process, the high dopamine scenes that used to get us high, become “seen that, done that” they no longer work and we must move on to more hardcore or even deviant stuff that has nothing to do with sexuality. Make a commitment to quit porn for good and live life to the fullest. Good luck
    Ra's Al Ghul likes this.
  10. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

    Man, relax. I’m not a huge fan of blowjobs. They just don’t feel good to me, almost a little too sensitive. I’d much rather have sex. Nothing to do with your sexuality. Why don’t you just have aex with your GF?
  11. Clarke

    Clarke Fapstronaut

    Why you jackin off man, like your girls right there
    Ra's Al Ghul likes this.
  12. Needs2Stop35

    Needs2Stop35 Fapstronaut

    You got hard from a blow job and probable enjoyed it but couldnt cum. Thats actually quite normal for a lot of guys or it takes a long long time.

    When I was younger I loved lesbian pn but it doesnt do it for me anymore, and I also don't enjoy many guys with a girl, and I'm 100% straight so thats not an issue. Im only on day 3 pn free but really feel I'm done.

    Your young and can get hard, just enjoy your girlfriend and stay away from porn and the pieces will fall.

    I'm 35, can get hard with Pn but not with my wife. Put it into perspective and realize its not all that bad what your dealing with and just work on being pn free and being with your gf and not having sex on the forefront of the relationship.
  13. canstopwillstop3

    canstopwillstop3 Fapstronaut

    I've had similar issues, just not the questioning my sexuality part. The de-sensitized dick was what I suffered from as well as pied which developed later. The first gf I had, she could jerk me off for an hour and I would not even get close, Bj's were even worse. Could last forever with a condom too. But the first time I had sex with her without one, I lasted maybe a minute. Best feeling ever. I learned that she was just terrible at bj's bc the rest of my gf's could suck the soul out of me. Could just be that she's not that experienced and you need to tell her what feels good to you. I think the whole questioning your sexuality is not bc you're actually gay, but more from the fact that you have this inner conflict worrying why you can't get off to your gf. I think your mind is messing with you, not your sexuality. I feel like most gay individuals know they are gay from a young age (around early teens), but the time in which they accept their sexuality for what it is varies. Like if the thought of banging a dude doesn't arouse you, I don't think you have a sexual desire for guys that you haven't discovered yet.

    I'm also a straight dude so I can't offer much personal experience from people who are gay, bi, etc. I'm just offering my thoughts and opinions, but I could be completely wrong if you asked someone who has experimented with their sexuality. I also forgot to mention, but it could be due to the severity of the porn you are watching. You have probably been watching porn for years and have progressively had to watch more and more graphic and bizarre porn in order to become aroused bc the old stuff isn't doing the trick anymore. Maybe you've just run out of things to watch or fantasize about that turn you on so now you need something new to do the trick and so now you're running into venturing into these thoughts you're having. But if you are conflicted and know deep down that it isn't you, then maybe that's your wake-up call to stop looking at porn.. That's what happened to me. It's like all the other stuff that used to do the trick didn't anymore and I was watching weirder and weirder stuff and finally said enough is enough.
    payooli likes this.

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