Hi 19 y/o newbie here

Hi everyone. Nice to meet you all.

Basically I 19 year old male in University. I have been watching porn since i was 12 years old. I have not been sexually active at all until last year when i came to university. My first kiss was in university too. I have had sex with 5 girls till now and i have had problems with erections with every one of them to some extent but never gave it thought because girls would always wanna be

I went into my first relationship 2 months ago and have been dealing with HOCD ever since. My girlfriend is a virgin so I will be the one taking her virginity. We tried having sex twice but both times we could not because i started having trouble getting an errection. It was no where near 100% hard. I started having all these gay thoughts suddenly as to why i could not get hard with her and maybe I am gay . And that thought has not left my head every since.

It has made every second of my day hard because i associate everything wit sex at this point. I just wanna be with my girl but every time I try to I always start thinking what if I am not good enough or what if I am too small. Basically i would get really anxious and start thinking i wont get hard and ultimately I dont then.

I have also been a heavy weed smoker for the past 6 months. I am done with living like shit and not being able to get hard with my girl. I just want to go back to the carefree me who never thought of any gay thoughts( nothing against gay people, I just cant see myself being gay because I have liked girls all my life), i would get morning errections, get hard even when i thought about some hot girl.

So I started discovering NoFap and saw how people go from not getting hard to having awesome sex and that is basically what I am going for. Today is day 5 without jacking off. I have watched some nudes of my girlfriend in the past 5 days but have been away from porn. But everytime i would look at the nudes i would just start stressing that I should get hard but i never do.

So to beat this crap i have decided to :

* Stay away from porn for at least 1 month.
*No running away from intrusive thoughts. If a gay thought comes just allow it.
*Working out everyday
*Sop smoking weed for 1 month
* Stop searching up stuff about HOCD because I find out some new intrusive thought everytime which triggers my HOCD even more.

Please add suggestions if any. Lets all beat whatever we are going through and come out even stronger.

- whyMeTho

 

Damn i did not know that. I changed the offensive language. I am sorry if I offended anyone. My girl is really supportive of me but deep down i feel I am always questioning myself or my sexuality and I think of myself as less of a man whenever this happens. I dont want my girl to think that.

Its been 5 days since i last met my girl and I have not had a proper errection because everytime i think I am getting hard I always stress if i am gonna get hard enough but hard enough just never comes. I want to give myself some time and if that does not help , I was thinking about seeing the doctor because i cant live with the fact that I cant get hard . It just fucks up my head and triggers so much stuff.

 

Thanks for the support bro. I just wanted to ask if it is OK to get nudes or if my girl shows me something on call if i dont jerk off.

Edit: I was on call with my girl and she was showing me whatever . I got kinda turned on but the moment i started feeling hard I started thinking about it and boom no more erection. Its crazy that every time i even think about getting an erection my minds shifts away from whatever is turning me to the problem I have. So no more getting nudes from girlfriend