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HOCD - Questions/Comments (Trigger Warning)

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Alex Will, Sep 19, 2017.

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  1. Sep 19, 2017 #1
    Alex Will

    Alex Will Fapstronaut

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    I've been trying to quit porn for about 9 months now. I always loved girls and there was never any question about that. They were the light to my world. I never questioned my sexuality for not even a second until my porn use got to be too much. I had never even escalated to anything too out of the ordinary. I think the weirdest thing I had ever watched was blacked just solely because I loved to see the girls reaction to everything. Which now sounds pretty messed up. I started fapping when I was anywhere from 10-13 and it was a daily thing and about 85% of the time multiple times a day. Towards the last two years it became almost compulsive. I didn't want it to end and I would watch video after video beating my wein even though I couldn't finish half the time. I am now 22 and the reason I have HOCD is because I accidentally stumbled upon a gay porno. I clicked on it and I don't even think I made it to the full video before I was grossed out. Year prior I didn't even really want to look at the gay porn category picture because it just made me uncomfortable. I have no problem with homosexuality at all and I have homoexual friends. It's just not for me. Since I clicked on that video the OCD kicked in hard and I was constantly checking gay porn to make sure it didn't arouse me. This has been going on for the past 8 months. I have only been aroused by it a handful of times at most but I have not been able to get off to it. At this point my mind just feels so corrupt and the thought of normal porn just seems so foreign. Girls seem so foreign now and everything is just messed up. I'm giving myself this entire school year on hard mode to get my mind back to normal. I'm not going to do anymore checking and I'm cutting all porn and Snapchat pornography off. I'm thinking it could take anywhere from 6-12 months in order to get my head straight. I know this has been a long post but does anyone have any other advice or comments? They would be really appreciated. Thanks guys!


    For the most part I've gotten it mostly under control. I'm more concerned about the flatline and when my natural attractions will return.
     
    Alex Will, Sep 19, 2017
    Alex Will, Sep 19, 2017
    #1
    Got to Overcome likes this.
  2. Sep 19, 2017 #2
    Got to Overcome

    Got to Overcome Fapstronaut

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    If you go 6+ months without any porn at all, I'm confident your sexual desires will return to whatever they were before you got into it.

    Besides that, there's all the standard advice: Put filters and accountability software on your devices; Commit to a consistent exercise program which includes both long-term and short-term goals; Take cold showers; Become as socially involved as possible; Read a lot about addiction and recovery methods; Pray, meditate, forgive others, think happy thoughts, etc.

    Like I said though, as long as you're truly committed to abstaining from pornography, I'm sure everything will soon get back to normal. I hope it goes well.
     
    Got to Overcome, Sep 19, 2017
    Got to Overcome, Sep 19, 2017
    #2
  3. Sep 19, 2017 #3
    Alex Will

    Alex Will Fapstronaut

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    Thanks brother, I'm hoping they will too. I'm really excited for all the changes to come.
     
    Alex Will, Sep 19, 2017
    Alex Will, Sep 19, 2017
    #3
    Got to Overcome likes this.
  4. Sep 19, 2017 #4
    HappyDaysAreHereAgain

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain Fapstronaut

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    There is you off porn and you on porn. There are some big differences. When we are addicted, we are out of control. I had a student a few years back that was on drugs. I had no idea, until his mother came to school and talked to all his teachers. She was a professor of music, and he had taken all her classical music CD's and disappeared. She knew that they were lost, she was just looking for clues as to where he might be. I had always seen him as a good quiet kid that did not cause problems.
    When someone has to get a hit now, cocaine or dopamine, they are open the things that they could not even imagine when they are clear headed. You can check out your penis. I doubt that you will find any eyes on it. It doesn't know where it is getting its stimulation. You know that it is not very picky if it has been enjoying the feel of your callused palm for years. Get off PMO, and girls will look at least as good as they did before. On porn, you can be tempted by a splintery old fence post with a knot hole. Of porn you can open your eyes and pick a girl that you can enjoy being with, and not just for sex.
     
    HappyDaysAreHereAgain, Sep 19, 2017
    HappyDaysAreHereAgain, Sep 19, 2017
    #4
    ZL71 likes this.

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