How do I stop fantasizing and start doing?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Average Coffee, Jul 25, 2019.

  1. Average Coffee

    Average Coffee New Fapstronaut

    Hey, I'm currently about 10 weeks into my reboot process where I've removed myself from porn and masturbation. However, I don't feel a difference.
    I still have the same thoughts about women such as they're fit and I'd like to fuck them but this thought process I have is making me remain very unconfident, thus I don't actually bother to talk to them, as in my head the benefit of attempting is not worth the risk as I can just fantasize over them in my head later.
    This objectifying view makes me think in a messed up way that really frustrates me because whenever I get close to forming a sexual relationship with a female and make up some excuse and push them away and just fantasize about doing stuff with them instead.
    I initially thought it was due to my chemically imbalanced brain from too much masturbation but now I'm nearing the 3-month goal and not noticing everything I'm starting to panic.
    Therefore I'm curious to whether there is other stuff I need to be doing in order to change my perspective on women such as deleting social media maybe?
  2. keepitreal-88

    keepitreal-88 Fapstronaut

    Simple, start doing, start small if you have to, small little improvements and be consistent about doing and pushing your comfort zone. That fact is you're scared of getting sexual with a women for any variety of reasons and your avoiding facing that fear by fantasizing instead.
    MadsrMore likes this.
  3. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    The rebooting process is all about rewiring your brain. But, if you continue to keep your brain drenched in sexual ideation throughout the rebooting process, you will retard your completely halt your progress.

    This fight is in our minds, and that is where it must be fought and won. Perhaps you can adopt a mindfulness process where you identify these unhelpful objectifying thoughts and deal with them as soon as you become aware of them? These thoughts are themselves a kind of P-sub and will inevitably result in your return to the same if you do not eliminate them in a healthy way. You cannot just ignore them or they will take root and grow in a dark corner of your brain. They must be addressed and resolved in a healthy fashion. This is the truly hard work of recovery. I have found it is best accomplished in a group setting, like a 12-step meeting or with a group of APs.

    I wish you the best! If I may ever be of service, feel free to reach out to me directly any time.
    MadsrMore likes this.
  4. Average Coffee

    Average Coffee New Fapstronaut

    So could you assume that fantasizing has the same negative impacts as masturbation on the brain?
  5. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    I would say they are all on a continuum. P is the most severe, P-subs less so, and imagination maybe least of all. But all are damaging and, once the worse ones are removed, your brain will make do with the lesser ones for as long as it must, keeping your thoughts oversexualized and inevitably leading you back to full PMO.

    The only way to get free and stay free is to commit to none of the above. It's a process and progress does not occur in a straight line, but it is the road we need to be on, imo.
  6. Average Coffee

    Average Coffee New Fapstronaut

    Ah that makes sense! Would you happen to know of any threads that could be useful in helping me deal with the imagination side of it all? I'm new to the website and still struggling to navigate it but I think that a thread may have some tips that help me change my irrational thought process. :)
  7. Cap. Steve Rogers

    Cap. Steve Rogers Fapstronaut

    My advice will be to delete Instagram and Facebook if you have one. And @M.S.H. once advised me to treat fantasies as a form of mental masturbation.. and after following those.. My relapses by means of fantasies reduced by a great extent. Stay strong:).
  8. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    I use the FREEdom process. It has a spiritual base, as I believe in the need for help from a higher power in battling addiction, but the principles of it are universal, I think.

    Freeze each unhelpful thought.
    Run them through your truth filter.
    Exchange the lies of PMO for the truth of reality.
    Exercise the power of the truth and stop living the lie.

    Here is a link to my notes and additional resources:

    I have followed this practice for a few years, and it has been incredibly helpful to me. Mental discipline does not come overnight; it requires consistent practice over time. But it *is* possible.
  9. DeepParkWater

    DeepParkWater Fapstronaut

    Many people may not like this view, but sexual objectifying women when done in moderation is completely healthy. We are men, we are programed to want to view, be attracted to, and desire women for their bodily features. It seems to me that perhaps you might need to spend some time viewing your desires in a different light and change your perspective a bit.

    By no means am I condoning you to sexually objectify every woman and do that on a constant basis, but what Im trying to convey is that to a certain extent its normal. If youre walking around with a loaded gun then even more so. The healthy medium I think is appreciating the beauty of women but also knowing thats not their greatest asset.

    If youre having approach anxiety the best thing to crush that anxiety is to simply just face it and over time you'll teach yourself to appreciate human interactions over intangible ones. Because at the end of the day, the hotter women tend to be the crazier ones with a bunch of emotional baggage just sayin.

    This seems more like a approach issue to me though rather than NoFap. I have approach anxiety as well and through the clarity im getting through nofap, im starting to see that while nofap did lessen my desire to approach these woman, its my responsibility to now go out there and interact with them

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