How do I stop rationalising PMO use?

N

newstartolife

Fapstronaut
My most recent rationalisation was that I was 'just going to listen to some lofi hip hop beats'. I walked out mid-conversation when I was talking to my dad and I remember seeing how disgruntled he looked. He wanted me to speak to him. He was enjoying my company and all of a sudden I pulled it away from him. He was confused.

I went downstairs and scrolled for a couple of hours. I then started writing to distract myself, but in between lines I was still scrolling for PMO. I then went upstairs. I saw a chart on the wall which I wrote when I went off here for awhile because I wanted to see if I could fap once every three days, which makes no sense because I tried it before and became too impulsive, breaking my original plan. I can't deny the fact that I'm addicted, it would be stupid to do so.

Last time I fapped I made a joke of it, so I'm not taking it as seriously as I once did. If I don't take NoFap seriously, then how can I expect to find success on this journey? It shows that I'm clearly out of touch with reality. I need to centre myself somehow, meditating inconsistently (sometimes 3 minutes, sometimes 1 hour) isn't going to cut it. I need actual purpose. My work is my purpose. How do I motivate myself, especially after fapping and in the flatline, to do the work? This is without the use of PMO as a form of procrastination. Other than that, do you have any ideas?
 
Make a list of the reasons that porn is bad for you and a list of reasons why quitting porn is good for you. Go over these lists until you internalize them. Also pay attention to what is happening in your mind. When you relapse, think about why you relapsed. Usually there is a lie you told yourself e.g. "PMO is harmless", "I'll do it once more and then never again". Write down answers to each lie you come across and when that lie comes before your mind, you will be able to correct it with the truth.
 
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